Tuesday, December 30, 2008

You wanna know what sucks?

Waiting until your nails dry and hoping your bladder does not explode because you decided to take every one's advice and paint your nails so you don't scare away a boy (trust me, there are many other reasons I could scare him off and I guarantee my chipped nails wouldn't even make the top 10) and pulling up and down tights with wet nails is quite messy and annoying. Like the black isn't going to tip him off anyway. I will give them credit, they tried everything to sway me into a Black Cherry or Gunmetal color, but I stood my ground.
Chipped or Black. At least if I would have stayed with the horrible chipped, I'd be able to pee right now.

Just because you order a Diet Coke, doesn't make you healthy.

For the record, I do care about myself and I think am a lot more socially responsible than some people.

American Lung Association, with all do respect, kindly piss off.

I deleted you for a reason.

Why do you want to re-friend me after I deleted your ass months ago and you just realized it now? There was a reason I deleted you and it was probably b/c I dont think we are that good of friends, you post stupid bulletins or I just generally don't care how you are doing. I understand having me on your friend list gives you street credit for knowing a hot girl, but it ruins mine.

I'm really not that interesting. Trust me. And for the record, drooling over myspace pictures of a girl you can never have is not ok in your late 20s.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Word of the Day.


Straight from churches, Ya boyfriend's worthless. Cause Luda goes deep, while he barely scratch the surface.

That's from "Whatever you like" T.I. featuring Ludacris. It makes me happy right now.
I think any word ending in -less is making me happy.

Ugh. Not cool.

Can someone please take a moment out of their busy life to explain to me WHERE THE FUCK DID LAST WEEK GO?!
Although it is well documented, I am still at a loss as to how it snuck away from me and how I am back at work so quickly. I feel like I woke up this morning and it was all a dream. The only thing that tipped me off was the suitcase I tripped over this morning and the 125 unread emails in my inbox. boo.

And even if I am not super stoked to be back in the city with 8 million strangers and even if I have a million things to do to prepare, I am really excited about tomorrow. It hasn't really sunk in who is coming tomorrow, but hopefully that will keep the nerves away. That story is going to change tonight when I'm desperately trying to unpack, clean and pick something to wear.
(I really hate that you read this, btw. You are keeping me from talking about you b/c I know everyone in blog world wants to know you exist and all about you. AND I expect a text as soon as you read this. :P)

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Where is Shockey?

You are hurting my heart. I cannot find you on the field and the only reason I came to this Saints game is to stare at you for three hours fantasizing about what our children would look like and all the dirty things I would do to you. Instead, I might actually have to watch the game and learn how it is played. You are not on my nice list. But I will still bare your children if #83, #64, #86 and #3 (who I am currently fighting with Fred over) don't win my heart over by the end of the game. I seriously need to pay attention to football more often.

Your Future Ex-Wife.
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In traffic

That's special.
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Ed Hardy is the devil

I'm aware it's blurry. I never claimed to be paparazzi. Focus on the tacky red shirt. 

I am recockulously tempted to burn this guy's shirt and tell him that's what he gets for buying an $80 t-shirt. That would be wrong, right?

But what is right is being able to walk outside a bar with a drink. Currently I am sitting outside the Red Eye shoe less waiting for my sister to bring me flats from the bar. One of the many douchebags traveling to Republic commented, "you have purple legs". Why yes, I have purple legs. It's called fashionable stockings where I come from.
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If I ever have a bachlorette party

Someone stop me from having it at a dive bar in The Quarter, or all of New Orleans for that matter. It's tacky and cliche and overrated.

Mine better be in Vegas if we are going to top the cliche and there had better not be strippers. Not Kidding, people.
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Friday, December 26, 2008

The Dollar Store

For the record, do not send me to the dollar store on a mission for a $1 gift. An hour and $25 later, I will have spent too much money on useless crap I don't need and haven't nailed down which piece I want to give away.

Some friends are having a gathering tonight that includes a goofy $1 present exchange. Some special person is getting either princess silly putty, super glue or a night light. I can't decide what I want to part with yet.
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Wednesday, December 24, 2008

And I wonder where my Dad gets it from

I don't know if it's that this eggnog daiquiri is really strong, or if I just know my family too well, but these are a few quotes that entertained me tonight which I will now subject you to.

Merry Christmas!!

Momma, if I go into the kitchen one more time it's going to cost me 200 calories. So, we should really think seriously about leaving.
-my aunt
Are you driving home? Because your mother is loaded.
-uncle talking to my 19 year old cousin
Hi! I've never met you. I'm Katy. I bet you're really good friends with my cousin.
-my 5 year old cousin talking to my 19 year old cousin's boyfriend. 

Suburbia Withdrawals

Last night, the excitement of going to a Wal-mart had me passing out in the check out line and spending a good 20 minutes in the vision department recovering.

This morning my nose wanted in on the let's-see-how-many-times-we- can-make-her-think-she's-dying fun and now I have blood splattered jeans. You think I could make it a trend in New York? Anyhow, we are prepared now (see picture).

And now I'm on my way to possibly burn all of my hair off trying to get the boxed black dye out of my hair.

Hope everyone's Christmas Eve is not as fun filled as mine!
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Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Apparently, I'm not as convincing as I thought I was.

Me: Dad, you need to buy mom a new car for Christmas.
Dad: I am going to buy her a new car. I'm getting her a hummer. That's what she needs. Something she can't destroy. Have you seen what she's done to this one? It should be a sin.
Me: Ok, as long as it's a brand new hummer.
Dad: I'm not buying that woman an f-ing brand new car.
Me: Well, she says this will be her last car of her life, it should be brand new. 
Dad: Does she promise to croak if it breaks down? I'll go out and buy it tomorrow. 

I'm kind of interested in seeing what he's going to say when I ask him for my apartment. 

Sunday, December 21, 2008

It's your birthday, douchebag.

I couldn't decide if I wanted to text you or not- and I decided I would and be the bigger person. I think it's quite funny I'm literally 2 blocks away from you right now and I dragged your brother away from your party to hang out with me.

To be honest, I would have liked to give you a hug for your birthday but I would have puked all over her shoes if I saw her with you.
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Saturday, December 20, 2008

Well, we tried.

"Who licked the candy and put it back?"
That's what you get for trying to eat the candy instead of decorating the house with a 5 year old and a 3 year old!
I think it's a masterpiece and I'm super excited to be home.
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Friday, December 19, 2008

Snow not happy

There are ice pellets in my hair and even in my rain boots I'm sliding around. Remind me why this is amazing?

But I did get to go home early to start my fabulous 8 crazy night holiday (I'm going home for the length of Hanukkah but I'm Catholic- well, my parents are). Let's just hope my flight stays on time tomorrow and everyone will be safe.
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Parental Advisory

Don't leave me unsupervised with your children.

Steph is telling me about the 2yr old she is watching right now who won't stop screaming because he is sick (why in god's name you would agree to watch a child that did not come out of your own vagina while it's sick is beyond me). I told her to OD it on Nyquil and call it a day. That wasn't the right answer, was it?

Thursday, December 18, 2008

One stop shopping; almost better than wal-mart.

I am a fucking genius!! 

I went to Lush (No, it wasn't a bar- which is the first thing my aunt asked me, too) at lunch, got a gift box of 12 different bath bombs and now I'm done with Christmas shopping- bam. I'm amazing. To be honest, I don't know what the rave about this soap crap is but I am definitely going to play it up because I am a sophisticated New Yorker now and all (Yes, I am aware there is a Lush on Decatur in New Orleans. shut it.) They came in this adorable polka dot box, which does not fit in my suitcase (guess who gets to keep it? :-)  so I had to put them into individual bags and pray they don't break on the trip home (guess who smells like a French whore right now?) For spending so much damn money, they gave me three free moisturizing bath bombs and soaps, which I am also keeping. This is amazing. 

Even though I don't need to go to Biloxi for Christmas shopping now- this just gives me more time to shop for yours truly. Because I think I deserve a new Coach purse. I am kick ass awesome. 

Buddy the Elf is my hero

Go there and watch the video. make me happy.

2 more days, people.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

It's finally f-ing snowing

and sticking. You people are all excited. I just see another way to bust my ass.
I went out on the back porch, saw the snow covered stairs and thought "Great. I know I'm going to fall down these and I wonder how long it would take someone to come find my lifeless broken body?"
So, tomorrow I'm breaking out the snow boots. They are uglier than sin and I don't know how good they work but we'll find out together.
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The mysterious Y chromo

I want to be a chemist. If I were a chemist I would be the one that discovers the chemical a female puts off (not to be mistaken with pheromones) when she is interested in a male. Apparently this chemical is attached to the Y-chromosome of all the males in her life that she used to like (or vice versa) and/or dated. This Y-chromosome lays dormant until she emits this mystery chemical in which forcing said male to remember she exists/ re-open the lines of communication/ profess their undying love to her. I am going to discover this chemical and a way to bottle it and sell it. Then I'll never have to work again.

That's my explanation and I'm sticking to it. Anyone else have a better explanation why without fail when you start liking/ dating someone else all of your ex boyfriends come out of the woodwork?

Santa Claus is taking over your town.

I have never in my life seen more Santa suits in my life. Truth be told, I had no idea they had that many in existence. I thought a Santa suit was a coveted magical thing that only a select few had and were allowed to wear with great care. I was wrong.

This past weekend was NYC's Santacon 08 and I participated. By participated I mean walking around New York City freezing my ass off with 2,000 other people dressed as Santa on a mission to follow "Santa" to any and every bar/ landmark allowed.

This was not a normal pub crawl by any means. There was no texting to the next place. The only way you knew what the hell was going on was by paying attention, which is a feat in itself when at every bar you are ordering 2 drinks at a time because you never know when the next time you're going to get one. The chant "Santa's on the move" is how you know it's time to leave the bar and you better pray you are following a Santa that isn't going on a detour to pass out in an alley. I think there was a conspiracy against my bladder that day, too. The second I would jumped in the bathroom line is when they'd start with the Santa's on the move bullshit. This Santa (well, technically I was dressed as Holly) was not a happy camper. She'd prefer more structure. An itinerary or a time line she could follow would have made her less stressed. But I will give them props- they split up the stops by doing bar/landmark/bar/ landmark so you could pace yourself properly (i.e. we met at 3 bars next to each other on 34th then an hour or so later went to the Post Office then went to a bar- don't ask me which or where I was just following- then went to Grand Central, then to the bars on South Street Seaport. The next stop was the Staten Island Ferry but that's all my crew got to. At this point it was 7pm and we had been out since 10am and we are in no way professionals)

It was a really fabulous experience and now we know better for next year: More clothes and more alcohol. And just for the record, I don't know if it was the lighting of the day or just the uniform in general, but there were some damn hot Santas- and you know I think New York is a draught for hot men. They had to have been visiting.

Funny story: don't introduce me to important people when I'm drunk, it won't be pretty. My roommate's co-workers were there and as I was being introduced, I swore on my life this chick's name was "One Dorito" (like the chip) but in fact she said Margarita (like the drink). There were 4 of them, so I decided I was going to name them One Dorito, Two Dorito, Three Dorito, Floor- and I called them that all day. What? I thought it was funny.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Duane Reade

Is it a requirement for you to only hire complete imbeciles in your pharmacy department? Do they even have an education in medicine?
Your genius employees are holding my prescription hostage at your 40th and Broadway store because they don't know how to use a phone/ message system correctly. This has been going on for over a week. Mind you, this is quite important medication that prevents me from acting on homicidal thoughts and keeps my heart pumping normally. When I plead insanity for riding the world of one or two stupid people, your company will be named as an accomplice.
Get your shit straight.


Sunday, December 14, 2008

Freddie's shoes!!!

Totally fit me and I think I'm stealing them.
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Friday, December 12, 2008

z100's Jingle Ball 2008

Apparently I need a sippy cup- I'm pretty sure the MSG concessions worker sensed that (it's not my fault I can get a potent frozen appletini in midtown with dinner for $7!) But that's ok, I'm having more (drunken) fun than the 12 year olds in front of me! Leona Lewis is on right now and I'm close to slitting my wrists, but I'm still on a Paramore high.
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Origins Shedonism Shea Butter

Is not, I repeat NOT, face moisturizer. And it smells potent.
How do I know?
Because it's on my face right now.
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Best Compliment all week. all month. all year.

You are beautiful, inside and out. You don't care what anyone thinks and
confidence radiates from you. I want to be just like you.

Attention Twilighters

Apparently, Catherine Hardwicke listened to me.

Now can we talk about Jacob's hair? I can't even find a picture of it on the Internet it's that bad. Oh wait. Here it is. No wonder Bella picks Edward for the love of all things holy!! and I'm Team Jacob.

Why making out with a coworker at the company Christmas party is a bad plan.

1. You are a professional. You must at least pretend to be one. You are not 19 and this is not the frat house.
2. Your boss might see you, especially if you are not discrete about it and decide to make out in the middle of the after party bar where the entire company is.
3. The first time seeing said co-worker after all the alcohol has worn off might be a little awkward.
4. You reputation and respect of your fellow workers might get a little tainted, but that's only if you care enough.
5. Your co-workers will make fun of you relentlessly and there might even be some photographic evidence and use to blackmail you into doing favors for them.
6. Explaining to friends that he is in fact straight when you work with a lot of homosexual males in the fashion industry might get a little tedious and annoying.

I'm just sayin'. Don't be that girl.

and if you don't decide to listen to me, at least find out if he has a girlfriend first.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Christmas presents for the moisture-ly challenged

Apparently I've been bitching enough about these nosebleeds that my friends are taking notice (seriously, it's every other day and I have even been using a humidifier). I got an email and this is what I'm getting for Christmas!

In case you need one, too. I know you want to look as cool as me. It could be a new trend in New York or New Orleans!

Spotlight: ME!

Remember my best friend?

She is also my sorority sister and last night we were bitching about our Alum group on FB overflowing our inboxes with useless emails (seriously, take a day to figure out what you want to tell me and put it all in one email. That way I can ignored ONE email instead of getting pissed off about 50 new messages talking about a stupid ornament exchange I will not be participating in- which btw whoever gets excited about an ornament exchange is GAY and in need of a life. No offense to my sisters who read this.). One of the many useless emails happened to be informing us if we want to be featured for the newsletter in the "Alum Spotlight". I was making fun of it, like what would I be spotlighted for? Hi! I'm a 26 year old alum living in New York pretty close to the poverty line and a hop skip and a jump away from being the single crazy cat lady? Or better yet: Hi! Look at me! I'm one of the rare alum who didn't get knocked up out of wedlock and currently lives in a trailer on the outskirts of Natchitoches with my Fort Polk baby daddy? (again, no offense!) In the process of laughing at the recockulousness of it, I realized my friend had sent them an email telling the group what she was up to (which happens to be good stuff- like she recently got married and is about to get her Masters in Psychology. Things I would be proud of, too) and because I made fun of her, she decided to take it upon herself and send my spotlight in. This is what was in my inbox this morning:

Here is what I sent... non-knocked up reference and all... I love

I would like to send info on featuring [NQ] in the alumni section of the news letter.[NQ], who graduated in 2005 (I actually graduated in 2004) from NSU now lives in New York, walks the streets of NYC like "Carrie" from Sex in the City. She lives on _______ street, a very posh Puerto Rican neighborhood where the pharmacists are very friendly. I know because I stayed there in October with my new hubby. She works for ______ (the people who put on that rockin' parade on Thanksgiving!) and is two steps from taking over her department. She also has a natural double D cup size, which is a feat in itself. Not only is she a New York City rockstar, but she is sexy too! Anyway, the facts listed above, and the fact that is has never been pregnant or arrested should TOTALLY put her in for the spotlight.

P.S. She is going to kill me for sending this, but she is the coolest, most successful, hottest best friend a girl could ask for. She is the ultimate representation of AOII alumni and everyone should strive for her level of awesomeness.


Monday, December 8, 2008

I love you, but you are flawed.

Remember that episode of Sex and the City when Carrie realizes all the things she fell in love with Big for were driving her nuts (i.e. the cigars and his arrogance)? Does that usually happen in relationships, I wonder?

Someone told me recently they love when I go on my little rants. Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm sure in 6 months it's not going to be so cute. Quirky is only cute for so long. He has no idea what he is getting himself into. But I will stop there. I can't afford to jinx this one.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

And the corniness never gets old

Look! I have a heart on my sleeve!
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Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Christmas Wish Listing

Is it terrible to be already emailing your family members what you want for Christmas? Technically, I started last week with the emailing but every time I talked to them from the months of August on, I was telling them exactly what I want. I've even bought a few things for them to give to me and had them shipped home. Sucks I don't think I'm going to get very surprised this year, but at least I will get exactly what I want and I can plan space in my suitcase.

Asking for a Tiffany's necklace when I'm already getting a TV is wrong, right? Especially when I plan on pleading my case for an apartment in New York? hehe!!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

I feel good.

Finally made it back to the gym and I even took a class. A pilates class pretending to be yoga but whatev.
I forgot how good burning off nervous energy feels.

And if any of you tell my parents I said that, I will flog you! They have preached that to me for years but being the rebel (without a cause) that I am, I have adamantly ignored their advice.

Is it weird to crave a peanut butter sandwich?
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I'm not kidding.

The Blackberry is officially in my desk drawer.

I feel like a crackhead because now when I want to check it, I have to stop what I'm doing to go into the drawer- every five minutes. Maybe locking it in there? Giving the key to a co-worker?
I'm trying to decide if I'm strong enough to leave it there for lunch.

I can do this. I am a strong ass female!

I hope you're happy.

Am I really going to be that girl that waits for his call?
Am I really going to be that girl who waits for his email?
Am I really going to be that girl who checks her Blackberry every 5 seconds?

4 years of training myself NOT to be that girl and look at me now. I've been down that road. I've taken a backseat. I've been 2nd and 3rd before and I can't do it again. Why am I grasping at the little bit of attention given and thinking that enough instead of demanding more? I cannot drive myself crazy waiting for him to recognize how amazing I am. I cannot have my life consumed by someone who doesn't appreciate me.

This is why I am so guarded.
This is why I won't let you in.

This is why I do things to purposely hurt you.
God, I need a hobby (that does NOT include reading books about knights in shining armor).

Monday, December 1, 2008

It's not polite to stare

Into your neighbors' windows.
As I was smoking in my back alley, I noticed a light on and a man at a computer. I dosed off into space contemplating some famous writer diligently working on his next bestseller, when I noticed him staring back. I also noticed that he was shirtless (probably naked) and I probably interrupted a very sexy moment in cyber sex land. Bummer.

Because after all, the internet is for porn ;)
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And since when is "spider monkey" a term of endearment?! You have been dis-dazzled.

Dear Catherine Hardwicke,

Please stop directing movies. At very least, step away from the Twilight Saga, please. Words cannot express how disappointed I was with Twilight. I would like my $12.50 back along with the two hours wasted on the joke of a movie you made. I spent a week waiting to see this film, fully prepared to be depressed from the romance pouring off of the screen. My date buying a Diet Coke for me even though he hates it and taking me to Chipotle afterwards was more romantic than the entire movie. Edward's mood swings may have been giving Bella whiplash (which can someone please explain to me when he was ever being nice to her?!), but your choppy scene transitions were making me nauseated. I have never laughed more at inappropriate times due to the terrible acting you allowed slip through the editing process(including the time I was dragged to see The Chronicles of Narnia and I laughed the entire movie because the children were so damn ugly. My friend is still not talking to me because of it, too).

Don't get me wrong, I love independent films, but this was physically painful to watch. I would like to compare it to watching someone fall backwards down a moving escalator. I was paralyzed with shock and fear as blood spouted out of his head but I could not look away and now I have that horrid image burned in my memory for the rest of my life (this actually happened the night I saw the movie, btw). When I got out of the subway I was shaking on the verge of tears and sick to my stomach. It was nearly the same exact reaction I had 2 hours prior leaving the theater.

I can't fault you completely, though. You are obviously talented; you took an amazing love story and turned it into one of the biggest movie disasters I've ever had to watch.


PS- That Stephenie Meyer cameo? If I could have lost more respect, I would have.

Friday, November 28, 2008

This is not working for me.

This day is going to suck. (yes, I have to work. Technically, I'm in "retail" and retail does not close on Black Friday) I don't remember it sucking this bad last year. Midtown is a ghost town and I feel like I'm the only jackass out of bed.

The fact that I have a date to see Twilight directly after work is my only saving grace.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Wild Turkey Day

(I stole that from the sistas, but I can't link on my BB)

Even though this is my first year partaking in the festivities of pre-thanksgiving fun, I'm over it.

Crowded bars, not for me.
And I decided to go out on the UWS where the damn Macy fucking balloons are (they blew them up at 3pm today) and nearly got arrested 3 times trying to cross the street.

I would like my bed. Please.
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No, it's not scrubs.

A co worker just took her life in her hands and commented that she liked my late Halloween costume as a nurse. I am not in a nurse's outfit, mind you (but I will admit now that you mention it, it could look like it). No one has ever been crazy enough to say something like that to me; I'm usually the one to be tellin them.

It definitely shocked me into a better mood though.
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Suggestions on things not to ask me about New York.

Let's get a few things straight when you ask me about New York.
Yes, it's fucking expensive as hell to live here. Get over it and stop acting like you've never heard that one before- have you been living under a rock? This is the center of the universe and there are quite a few significant differences from your podunk town. My rent is more than yours plus your bills, your car note and insurance combined. That's just the way it is. You probably can't afford to live here anyway (I know I sure as fuck can't). I'm pretty sure it's out of your range if that shocked gasp tells me anything and I'm tired of hearing it. Quit asking me how much apartments are here- there is an abundance of resources for you to find out if you really cared. It's NEW YORK FUCKING CITY, people. Not Kansas!

If you ask me again how to get a job here, I'm going to personally call your mother and tell her she should have had an abortion. How the fuck do you get a job anywhere? It's not rocket science. How the hell do you expect me to advise you on getting a job when I have no idea what your field is (nor do I care)? I currently hate my job (which is NOT a career counselor), so I'm sorry I can't help you.

And No. Life in Manhattan is not like it is portrayed on Sex and the City, The Sopranos, Law and Order or [fill in with your own asinine TV show]. That's like saying the entire South is like the Beverly Hill Billies or New Orleanians really talk the way they portray them on TV. The streets are not over run with body chalk, Tony Soprano will not be your neighbor (and for that matter, he lives in JERSEY. Don't get me started on that place) you will not see [insert some celebrity here] (and even if you did, most of us don't pay enough attention to others to care) and you are definitely not going to see someone running down the street in Manolos. Shut up. You're just being dumb and making me realize why I'm glad I don't live there anymore. Ignorant Southerner. Oh. You don't like it when people say that or assume that? Then quit fucking acting like it.

I'm in a really bad mood, if you couldn't tell.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

I am ridiculous.

ridiculous, I tell you!
I haven't FB stalked in so long, I forgot how! And it's all Freddie's fault (that I am doing it, not that I'm lacking at it, even he's disappointed in my rusty skills) How do you stalk someone when all you have is a first name, a city and a place of business? This is terrible. I am so embarrassed 1. that I'm actually doing it (I will blame boredom) and 2. that I used to be able to find out much more about a person with less information back in the day.

For future reference, please do not encourage my recockulousness.

Good news!

I am not the devil.

(contrary to popular belief)

Monday, November 24, 2008

What's your definition of fun?

This is most certainly not mine:

A bruised thigh.
A sore knee.
A walk of shame.
A broken door.
A bed full of pizza.
A hungover trip to the laundromat.
An overflown toilet.

I don't think I can handle anymore holiday fun, people.

Friday, November 21, 2008

If you like it, then you should have put a ring on it.

Nearly pist myself and I cannot seem to stop pressing the replay button.
Justin Timberlake in a leotard? priceless.

I'm so slow sometimes

Britney Spears, no matter what you do, you always seem to weasel your way into my heart.
I just discovered this song on her Blackout album. Yes, I am aware this came out last year. And to think there was a time when I drove an hour to Alexandria, LA to buy Britney on the day it came out because the sorry excuse for a music store in my college town didn't have it.

Maybe in another year or two I will discover the amazingness on Circus. Anyone heard it yet?Recommendations?

EDIT: Even if you aren't a Gossip Girl fan, this is hot (and of course way outdated if you are a fan) and it turned me on to her new song. I cannot look at Chuck Bass the same and I think because of this video, he owns a small part of my heart

Thursday, November 20, 2008

And so it begins.

Today is the first official day of the holiday season. My roommie flew home for her 2 week Thanksgiving Extravaganza and tomorrow I will have visitors for a week. Thanksgiving will be here before I know it. Since I hear you aren't truly an adult until you cook a Turkey for Thanksgiving, that's what we are going to do at Apt. 3B and after dinner, we are going to watch Christmas movies- starting with Love Actually. I feel like if I blink it's going to be Jan.5 and all the excitement is going to have flown by. I'm not ready!

Can you keep a secret? I'm reallyyyy excited about the holidays this year. I know it's hard to believe with what a Grinch I was last year, but it wasn't my fault! I wasn't going home for Christmas for the first time ever and it made me sad. the only way to get through it was to boycott the entire season. But this year? It is so on. I still do not wish for snow (sorry. You won't have to trudge through it like I will) and I adamantly refuse to go ice skating (again, I am deathly afraid of falling) but I will be looking forward to the decoration and the spirit in puts everyone in. I even downloaded 50 Christmas songs and put them in a playlist (appropriately named SMILINGS MY FAVORITE- 10 points to whoever gets that reference). It's just itching to get put onto my ipod but I am trying to hold out until December.

What's your favorite Christmas song?
This is mine (For those without video access, it's Carol of the Bells The Trans Siberian Orchestra and Metallica version). Enjoy!

I don't want to talk about it.

For the first time in my life, I don't want to talk about it.
I've never been that person. I always want to talk the drama circling around me (because to be honest, I don't really ever have drama, it's just usually in my orbit) into the ground trying to figure out a solution. I always want to tell everyone I know everything.
But not right now.
I don't want to talk about it and I sure as fuck don't want to think about it.

You should really ignore this part, it has nothing to do with what I'm talking about above. . .
But what I do want to talk about is me. If you aren't familiar with my over-sized ego, let's start with I am the most amazing person you will ever meet. There is no one as fabulous as I am and that's just a fact of life. I'm smart, beautiful, open-minded, eccentric, goofy, adventurous, loyal, responsible, witty, etc. . . the list could go on forever (but you know this already. You were the only who spent all those years trying to convince me of it. Yea, sometimes I get a little carried away, but it's true nonetheless and I finally learned that). Not many people get to see this, though. I don't like those secrets to get out too often or everyone and their grandma would want to be my friend and I don't have time for that. So, I usually like to disguise myself as a bitch- which totally works for me. But I digress.

The point is: I am irreplaceable. Once you meet and fall in love with me, no one will ever be able to fill my place in your heart. And once I fall in love with you? I can guarantee no one will ever treat you as well as I do. As high maintenance as I am, I return the favor of putting up with me threefold (but you know this already). Unfortunately, if you fuck it up forcing me to cut you out of my life, you will spend the rest of your days trying to figure out why you feel so empty. You will spend endless amounts of time trying to figure out why and trying to fill the void. That's the reason why every single one of my ex-boyfriends sing my praises and will always regret not being with me (oh wow. I went a little overboard there, but let's just go with it for the moment). In short, You cannot replace me. (For the record, she is turning you into some thing I can't even recognize as the man I love- which makes it a little easier to accept you are not in my life) But keep trying, sport. After the heart slicing pain, it's quite entertaining for me.

see how brave I am? I can't even call you and tell you all this because I'm still heartbroken. If you cared about our friendship half as much as you care about a damn Coach wallet I got you, maybe we wouldn't be in this place.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Bloody Hell.

I'm damn sick of nose bleeds. I've had 3 since it started getting cold. Damn you and your dry northern air. This is shittastic.

Another option

Maybe I can be a pirate after all.

Only if Captain Jack Sparrow is steering the ship and only if they have an unlimited supply of Dramamine.

Dream a little dream.

One of my shelves collapsed after I put a box of my summer dresses on it. Honestly, I don't blame it, there were like 30 dresses in that box and it was heavy. So, in the process of cleaning my room, I made a bigger mess and it annoyed me enough to quit. Unfortunately, I can't leave it because I have guests coming on Friday.

To go along with this, last night I had a dream all of my shelves fell along with my clothing rod in my closet. I'm sure yall will say it was just my subconscious going over the previous days events, which you'll probably be right.

But I am interpreting that dream in a different way. I think it's the universe's way of telling me my life is falling apart. Even things (i.e. relationships) I thought were strong and sturdy (the rod in my closet) will eventually collapse. In the dream I said "Fuck it, I don't feel like dealing with it right now" and then it switched over to another sequence I don't quite remember as vividly.

Funny, that's exactly what's going on in my life right now. Deciding I am not in the mood to address the issue is also what I'm doing about the situation. My mind already shuts down and assumes the fetal position when I try to go back to that place. Is 4 years too much to ask for happiness? I'm not in a good place to have the floor fall out from under me. Please make it stop.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Another musical confession.

Michael Bolton rocks my socks.
How can we be lovers if we can't be friends?
That's deep, man.

Oh! And Barry Manilow. Can't smile without you? hello!

Freddie, you have no idea what you are in for when you agreed to this road trip to Biloxi. I know you refuse to let me drive, but that's ok. I called shotgun on the radio three months ago, plus playing passenger makes it easier to jam out and embarrass the hell out of you.

No Edward Cullen for me.

Apparently The Twilight premiere happened yesterday and Robert Patterson still looks like he hasn't washed his hair since he signed on to the role of Edward Cullen. nice. Kinda gross, but sadly still hot.

Seems like everyone under the sun is going to get to see this movie before me and it makes me sad. No one is willing to go to the midnight showing on Thursday (which to be honest, I don't think I could handle being up that late with work in the morning either. Don't judge) and I have visitors on Friday for a week. I doubt very much apart of their vacation to New York will they be willing to go see a tween flick about vampires and a book that they've never read. It would be like asking me to go see Harry Potter.

So NGBF and I have a date on Black Friday after work to go see it. If anyone ruins it for me, there will be blood (Not that you could really. I read the damn book twice so far).

Monday, November 17, 2008

Adapting to Normalcy.

Every time I leave the city, I feel like an inmate who just broke out of jail. Things a normal person sees daily is suddenly a novelty. Oh my god, a STRIP MALL. Oh my god, a DRIVE THRU!! Oh my god, CARPET! (Walking into someone’s One Bedroom Apartment and being able to fit 25 people comfortably was a big one this weekend in DC. Having a one bedroom so large, you don’t know what to do with all the space- unthinkable! In the NYC) You get the idea, things you don’t see on a daily basis in New York. The people you are visiting are probably going to look at you like you’re nuts (my first time out, my friend wanted to call my parents to make me move home), but they just don’t understand how different living in the city actually is. It’s unlike any other city in the country. It usually takes me a good day to adjust to the normal way of life. If my time in New York does nothing else, it will have at least taught me to appreciate the little things.

After the first couple of jailbreaks, I thought I would get over it. But apparently it’s not something you get over. Wanting to drive thru every fast food restaurant in your path from the bar back to the apartment is not normal (well, if you’re drunk maybe). Wanting to buy perishable foods in a SUPERMARKET because they don’t sell velvetta at the bodega on your block is not normal. Wanting to lie on the floor in the hall of an apartment complex because it is carpeted is definitely not a normal thing- and actually doing it? Even worse (I’m not admitting to anything, but if you’re my friend on FB, you know better).

Seriously, people (especially New Yorkers), it is imperative you get out of your normal surroundings at least once a month. It’s detrimental to being able to adapt to other surroundings- surroundings that happen to be normal to the rest of the American population. I have a very good feeling those that don’t are the stereotypical New Yorkers and now I understand why they are that way.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

It's ON.

I'm about to get drunk for $20.
That's what I'm talkin about.
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A realization

I have come to the conclusion after lying to myself for 26 years, I am high maintenance.

And I'm ok with that.
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Thursday, November 13, 2008

Love. It is a razor that leaves your soul to bleed

Stop the bleeding.
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Good one, John Carney.

This is quite funny. You must check it out. It is a Guide to (holiday) Romance and explains soooo much. I think the reason I think it's funny is I fit into way too many of the categories than I'd like to admit. But it could be worse; at least my name is not Kristen Dunst or Julia Allison.

This one had me laughing out loud:

29. Avoid any girl who has done speed dating, match.com or j-date. She's
got commitment issues, and since you're an emotionally unavailable alcoholic,
neither of you will ever call each other.

Touche, my friend.

Her name was lola.

So, funny story.

Well, it is to me and I thought I would share.

My all time favorite summer in college was the summer I lived on Magnolia Street with one of my sorority sister and her cousin. It was a classic story of the country mouse (her) and the city mouse (me). She taught me how to balance while trying to drunkenly pee outside and all the words to The Devil went down to Georgia and I taught her how to put eyeliner on- j/k. I don’t know what I taught her. Anyway, I’d give anything to go back to that summer.

Another one of her cousins who lived in Baton Rouge would visit a lot. His music selection is to die for. It’s amazing but at the time I couldn’t appreciate it because all we were listening to was the music they played in the bars. So, part of our nightly tradition of drinking and playing board games (mostly Cranium and sometimes Trivial Pursuit if we were feeling like a marathon, but we’d never get through it. Everyone would get too drunk and no one knew the answers sober, much less drunk, so we’d get bored) we’d put on one of his CDs with the obscure music on it and usually he was the only one jamming because most of it we had never heard of. During one of the party playlists, Copa Cabana came on and in our drunken stupor, we found this quite amusing for some reason.

One weekend my sorority sister was out of town with a few of my other sisters and I was left to my own devices, which always included alcohol. This particular night, I wanted pancakes and it just so happened I would only eat pancakes if she made them (She makes them perfect- not doughy at all. I hate doughy pancakes and runny eggs. Nothing grosses me out more). I can’t cook and even if I tried, I didn’t want to burn down the house in the process. I was drunk and in need of sustenance, so I figured calling her at 3am to tell her to drive 4 hours and come make me pancakes was a good plan. Unfortunately, she was passed out already but another sister answered her phone and I told her to give her a message. Tell her "Her name was Lola". Of course, she didn’t get it but the next morning she passed it along and had no idea why it invoked hysterical laughter.

And that was it. To this day, when we get drunk (and think about it) we will text each other the lyrics. We never get passed "She would merengue and do the cha-cha" but that’s ok. It’s our thing. God, I miss her.

I just heard it on my ipod and texted her. I hope she doesn’t think I’m drunk at 8am, but then again there is no telling ;-P

I have a feeling I told yall this story already? Oh, well.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

This is not the zoo

It is not polite to stare at people in the subway. Being that it is The Big Apple, it's probably guaranteed to get you a dirty look or even cursed out. It is unacceptable, tacky and makes these people uncomfortable and the subway already establishes this all by itself. There are no exceptions, unless you know that person.

Even if you happen to spot the rare species of a TALL HOT GUY (in a suit no less! Amazing). This phenomenon is already a rare encounter, there is no need to stare at him intensely and scare him back to Connecticut or where ever they breed tall hot men. It is definitely not ok to ask him to marry you. Trust me on this one.

My train happened to have not one, but TWO of these so it was easier for me to stare between the two, close my mouth and wipe the drool without getting caught.

My day has been made and that is all.

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Tuesday, November 11, 2008


Betsey Johnson outside my building.
And of course, I mistook her as a hobo. Love ya!
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Monday, November 10, 2008

My new coat!

This came in the mail for me today at work- a few short hours after a company wide email was sent out by HR reminding employees NOT to have personal mail sent to the office. suckers. Just one more way I'm sticking it to the man because those bastards still have my internet blocked. 
Anywoo. This made my day that much more sufferable and I skipped around the office in it along with the really cute heels. The census on my coat seems to be a cross between a.) a 3rd grader on a field trip to The Smithsonian circa 1962 and b.) Veruca Salt (the namesake of the band, people. From the movie- don't make me name it). I'm pretty sure the tights helped in coming up with this one, too. oh! and I forgot c.) an upside down flower. I'm pretty content with all of this because I don't care. This jacket is that awesome. 

This weekend, I am going to make a special trip to the Smithsonian and take a picture in front of it in my fabulous new coat- flicking my coworkers off. 

and as a sidenote, I like the word shameless. 
that is all. 

I like my coffee black; like my metal.

(Shut me up- MSI)
No matter what, the day after I download new music and put it on my ipod is always a good day. New music will generally lift my spirits, even on a Monday. Which is exactly what happened this morning.

Have I mentioned I hate my job? I know I shouldn't be bitching about my job, especially right now- at least I still have one. It's just so disheartening that a company with such prestige is being ruined by a few people that have no clue what they are doing. It sort of feels like when I first saw Mickey without his head on when I was working in Disneyworld. It was so disturbing and I lost little of the magic- no pun intended (a little hint to my current employer. lol) It's getting harder and harder to bide my time, that's all I can say.

Another plus for today, I finally wore my new shoes to work. Well, technically, I carried them to work and put them on here. Baby steps, people. I haven't worn heels in over a year and it scares the hell out of me. I have just come to the realization I am deathly afraid of falling (in every sense of the word actually now that I think about it. hmmm). Wearing heels and walking on the uneven broken sidewalks is just asking to have face contact with the concrete. I am far from the professional stiletto walker that I was when I was 19. Plus I have gotten accustom to walking with long and fast strides which trying to concentrate on walking in heels inhibits this. But I'm going to do it, even if it takes me another year, I will master this.

And I just realized I'm going to DC this weekend. Totally forgot about it, but I'm glad. I need out of the city at least once a month to maintain the small amount sanity I still possess and I need a break from my self inflicted bed ridden weekend jail sentences. And figuring out how to pack 2 days worth of stuff into a backpack should keep me mystified for the rest of the week.

Just realized there is a hole in the crotch of my Betsy Johnson tights. This is going to be interesting on how I get it not to run because there is no way I'm running around this city in 50 degree weather with bare legs.
Goodness Gracious. I'm a mess. Happy effing Monday.

H8 is wrong.

Friday, November 7, 2008


A New Orleans sized cockroach in the subway of New York.
I think I just lost 10 years off my life. Those things scare me worse than the New York City rats- mainly because those fuckers fly.
I need a shower.
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Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Tis official. I am reallyyyy tired.

Why else would I break out into Christmas Carols with no provocation whatsoever?
I am NOT that girl. The extent of Christmas songs for me is Nelly's "Air Force Ones" (cause he wants 2 pairs? It's a family joke. A few years ago that song mysteriously ended up on one of my sister's Christmas mixed CDs. That was her explanation and we have yet to let her live it down). But low and behold, I was even remembering the songs we made up (i.e. "Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg. . . ") and plus it's NOVEMBER 5th!

I'm going back to the snack machine.


I am way tired.
I really wanna snuggle. When I finally crawled into bed last night, I cant even express to you how euphoric it was (well, in the few moments before I crashed. I think I was comatose as soon as my head hit the pillow). Just thinking of that amazing feeling is killing me. ugh. Anyone else feel the need to eat more when they are thoroughly exhausted? I think it has something to do with keeping me busy/ moving so I don't fall asleep.

Luckily I am posting this in the afternoon. This morning I was a force not to be reckoned with and it all started out with a few text messages, an email or two and a lot of angry facebook/ myspace status updates. I was thoroughly embarrassed to know people that would say or pass along the hateful things I was receiving. It's a wonder I didn't delete every Republican "friend" I had. Then I stopped and realized that is the beauty of diversity/ living in a democracy and at the moment they just happen to be sore losers- and I get that. My guy lost the previous times I have voted and I understand the frustrations they are going through right now. I also know that this is just the initial shock and eventually it will wear off and then I can say Your are very much Welcome for believing now. Eh. And if they never do come around, then I wish them luck in Canada like they are continuing to threaten (Not that there is any fault in that. I will totally be moving with yall, too. But did you ever stop for a moment and realize Canadians are a lot more liberal than we are- which is exactly what you'd be running from, right? Not solely the president elect's race? Because if that is so, then you might as well delete me from your life right now. I shall disregard your existence anyway.)

My favorite part so far is the insistence of not being boastful and to have more tact in the feelings for those McCain supporters. This was the same person who 8 years ago made sure I was highly aware of who won presidency (In case you are wondering, it wasn't Gore- well. . you know what I mean). No, I haven't thrown anything back and I have been taking in all of the emails/ texts without response because I'm afraid of what I might tell them if I do decide to respond. Ok. Enough talk about that because now I'm all worked up and it's getting harder and harder to be the bigger person in this situation.

So, I will end with I hope that the first dog is a Yorkie ;-)

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

So I lied

I'm currently in the middle of Time Square watching as the results come in. I'm a little overwhelmed and a lot excited to be here for a groundbreaking election. I'm not sure if its going to be a good thing or a bad thing when Obama wins :)
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Dear URL Filter: I HATE YOU

Dear IT Department,
I'm getting really annoyed. This is day two in which I do not have full Internet access.
If you think you are getting a drop of extra productivity from me, you are going to be sorrily mistaken. Your company barely pays me enough to do the work I actually do (and don't blame it on "there is no money in fashion"; you are a multi-billion dollar corporation that should be ashamed of yourself for not giving full time employees sick days or vacation. How anyone enjoys that factor is beyond me) and I won't be doing much more because you decided to go all noble and restrict my favorite sites. I would rather sit and stare at the computer monitor. Which I will do, right after AIM-ing every co-worker to inform them that I am bored.
Get your shit together. I am not in a mood to be messed with. ever.


Election Day.

Woke up this morning a whole extra hour early to the tunes of Bon Jovi. "Living on a Prayer" was Apt. 3B's getting pumped to go vote song. We traveled to the polling place and voted to for the man who we believed would be a better choice to lead our country for the next four years (that would be Obama, of course. God how I love living in a blue state and the people actually knowing what it means instead of being ignorant. YaY! To be honest I wasn't convinced one way or another for either of the candidates. I'm a Hilary girl through and through. But the possibility of Sarah Palin running my country when McCain dies of old age scares the living shit out of me). New York State law allows you to take up to 2 paid hours off of work to vote if you do not have a consecutive 4 hours off that the polling places are open. Guess who went back to sleep for an extra hour because of this fabulous law? ;-)
But that is enough political talk. I haven't had a stomach for it for awhile.

Will I be glued to CNN when I get home tonight like the majority of America? Nope. But I would appreciate someone texting me when the winner is announced. I have enough anxiety to deal with. Worrying about something I have no control over after I have casted my vote does not rank high on my priority list.

Monday, November 3, 2008

A Treasure Map to my future appeared in my email

So, if I haven't mentioned, I have the bestest friends in the entire world in general.
In particular, I have this one friend who is in my life for a reason and that is to always remind me of how fabulous I am- because if I wasn't fabulous I have no idea how she would ever want to be friends with me. She is amazing in every sense of the word and I feel blessed everyday to have met her, let alone have her as a best friend. 

Today was a bad day in  my little bubble. Same old shit, really- What am I doing with my life?, What should I be doing with my life- you know the drill. So, I called my Fab Friend hoping for a funny story to cheer me up seeing as she is a master at story telling and makes me pee my pants on a regular basis. Unfortunately, she happens to know me a little too well and as I was venting my frustrations about my standstill craptastic  life (she is getting her Masters in Psychology- I must get in as much free therapy as possible before she starts charging me!), I mentioned I needed a treasure map, a wild goose chase- anything besides what I'm doing right now to figure it all out. 
And  look what I found in my email:
I'm a little concerned about the first two steps, but I can't wait to do the rest. And for the record, I know I don't have a craptastic life. Not with friends like this; which makes being so far from them that much harder. 

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

You can file this under: Not the brightest idea, princess.

Continuing to break in heels with a bruised ankle (yes, that would be an Ace bandage peaking out from under my sock).
Seeing as my feet are my primary mode of transportation in this god forsaken city, I should probably not be doing this.
The things we sacrifice in the name of fashion.

For those curious, I (accidentally) kicked a metal clothing rack at work today. It wasn't pretty, but unfortunately I will live.
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Tuesday, October 28, 2008

I can barely recall, but it's all coming back to me now.

I haven't been fully honest with you, my faithful readers. I feel bad for this and now I am coming clean.

I really do listen to Celine Dion and she is in fact on my ipod. No, she wasn't on my ipod in my previous references to her- so, technically I wasn't misleading you, but it makes me feel better to confess this. Seeing as my roommate has Celine Dion Day once a week at her office (where they play her music and only her music on repeat for EIGHT hours) and on those days, it generally seeps into our apartment also. With all this, the Canadian power lungs kind of grew on me.

"It's all coming back to me" just happens to be on repeat right now. In all seriousness- how the hell can you listen to this song without wanting to belt it out like Mrs. Dion?! I am having a really hard time constraining myself from grabbing a hairbrush, jumping on top of my desk and making grand gestures as I grab non-existing notes from the bottom of my stomach. My lungs are itching to be used. This madness must be stopped and no, I am not on any kind of medication.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Jersey or Disneyland?

I'm still confused.
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Friday, October 24, 2008

Snus Frost

Finally! I've gotten a million coupons to try this for free but none of the bodegas in the city will take them. On our SSCB (that would be Super Secret Cigarette Break) we stopped in the convenient store in our building for a drink and the super nice guy gave us one. Can't wait to try it and hopefully this will cure my need to kill people on flights. Too bad my next flight isn't until Christmas.
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This is how interesting my Friday is.

I googled myself.
The first thing that popped up is my Friendster account, which I forgot I had. And there is someone on Classmates.com with my name, but it's not me. weird.
Then there was some other crap from college- the newspaper and sorority stuff. I forgot I was an honor student once upon a time. Apparently I'm a nurse and I swim, too.

I'm really just bidding my time until lunch. I'm going to put myself into more debt. It's the last day of the Betsey Johnson sample sale and I've been waiting all year for it. And I think I might go play in Soho after work, just to make sure I spend my entire paycheck.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Only in New York City

is it acceptable to be paid to dress up in a giant baby costume and run around Broadway making extremely disturbing noises to promote a costume shop.
And it also seems that I am the only one unsettled by witnessing this. I literally grabbed my coworker's arm and we ran through the crowd to get away from the crazy man.
Good Lord.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Socially Awkward people

make me want to throw my phone out the window and stick my heel into my monitor.

I think I might need an anger management class.

Monday, October 20, 2008

More talk on the weather b/c that's how interesting I am lately.

It's supposed to be in the 60s, but it sure doesn't feel like it. I know in a few months, I'm going to be begging it to be this warm, but right now I'm freezing. FREEEZING! And I'm so not ready for dry skin and staticy hair. I am just not prepared. I am not ready to switch back to Head and Shoulders shampoo (yes. I apparently get dandruff in the winter here and I am woman enough to admit it, dammit) I didn't even have a week to wear cute dresses and boots sans leggings. I was really looking forward to that! Damn you, Mother Nature. You took away my Spring last year and now you're going to make me prepare for the longest most brutal winter I have ever experienced early? You are just spiteful. If I could disregard you, I would.

And this sporadic radiator business is not cutting it. Last night I had to sleep with socks and pants on (two things of which I hate) only to wake up with the damn heater on full blast. I understand the city of New York is fluent in ghetto heating (which consists of the heat being regulated by the building without the ability for individuals to it turn up or down at their own discretion therefore having to open a window in 20 degree weather in order not to be roasted alive) but it is unacceptable to me. I want Central Air and carpet!

One positive thing I forgot about is how warm and comfy my down comforter is. I went straight from work into my bed and only got out to move to the living room to watch One Tree Hill (which was adorable! Lucas and Peyton's fight was hysterical! And I'm totally loving Brooke and Owen. awwww.)

On that note, I'm out.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Living Proof

Any Lifetime (Television for Women) fans?!

That new movie Living Proof they have been advertising shamelessly for with Harry Connick Jr. was filmed in New Orleans, LA. Not only that but it was also filmed in the office building I used to work in and Steph actually met him when he was there!

So I think I have my Saturday night plans set because I don't have Tivo (or any GD money!). I will park myself on the couch with a bottle of wine and watch. I'm still not sure the bottle of wine during a Lifetime original movie is a good plan especially when it's about breast cancer. But I need a good cry anyway.

Yall should tune in too!

And in other I-am-no-longer-a-child news, I have a tummy ache. Too much Pizza Popcorn and Candy for lunch. Maybe if I want to start feeling like an adult, I should start eating like one. But where is the fun in that?

Better in Time.

I had a dream last night I was a cokehead and I woke up this morning with a stuffy nose.

Today is a better day. Yesterday was rough, but I got through it. Thanks for all the support! I even had my NGBF call me from his vacay in Chi-town this morning to make sure I was having a better day. It's nice to know I do actually have friends here.

Tonight I'm going for happy hour, which I haven't decided if it's a good plan or not. But I have decided the second I get into depressed drunk mode, I will force myself onto the subway back to the Heights to sexually attack my favorite waiter at our neighborhood bar. Why be depressed drunk when you can be sex having drunk? Yea. That might not be a good idea either.

Sorry I'm not interesting. I'm trying to decide what I want for lunch and how I'm going to get through the day without doing a damn thing. It's harder than it looks, trust me.

Happy Friday!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

We interupt you for a special announcement.

I miss home. I miss my family and friends. I miss the south. I miss human contact. I miss smiles. I miss hugs. I miss laughing. I miss drinking for fun.
Today is not a good day.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Powerful words


Try using them in your everyday vocabulary, S'il vous plait.

Monday, October 13, 2008

The one thing I hate about fall/winter

It gets so dark so early. Pretty soon it's going to look like 10pm instead of 6 and I'm going to be sad.
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[Title of Show]

If you haven't heard of this musical, you must youtube it. I don't think I would do it justice trying to explain it, so please direct your attention to wiki for a moment.

Last night I was lucky enough to see the closing performance from the front row and it was the saddest thing I've ever experienced. Standing ovations, open sobbing from the audience and cast members was enough to break any one's heart. The story is such an inspiration to all those in the arts who have ever had the courage to dream big. Even with its closing, it still sends the message to go after your dreams. If you succeed, take nothing for granted and if you put your whole heart into something that you are proud of, there is no chance you can fail.
It hurts my heart that after 102 shows, this musical is closing but I don't think this is the last we will see of this group.
And in honor of inspiration, please listen to this.
Die Vampire Die.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Before I go.

Dear Checking Account,
I know you hate me.
But I am officially by myself and you know what happens when I get lonely.
I promise not to bankrupt us.


Things I have learned about myself this week:

-Having sex more than once in a blue moon is pretty much necessary unless you enjoy walking like John Wayne. I'm just saying.
-I miss my friends more than I allow myself to because it hurts when I'm not around them.
-Maybe I am a cool chick? Like, cool enough to marry? There is someone out there who might just be crazy enough to want to put up with my shenanigans for the rest of my life and it's a scary thought.
-My future husband will make me laugh, a lot. Like, it's a requirement.
-Maybe playing with boys is better than getting hurt?
-My mental illnesses are entirely created from boredom.
(I'm sure there were more, but I drank a lot)


Robin Hood


Little Red Riding Hood
(for Halloween- please send a suggestion if neither)

Thursday, October 9, 2008

The weather channel used to be my favorite.

Today was the first day I dressed appropriately for the fall weather. It's been in the 50/60s and being that I had just come back from the 80/90s in Florida and Louisiana, I was not mentally prepared to dress myself for what felt like an Arctic chill. This was not the weather I left the city in and apparently Mother Nature does not care about the girl scout rule of leaving things better than when you found them. I guess you could argue the cool weather is better than sweltering heat, but I forgot for a moment that New York has 4 seasons. I'm seriously spoiled with this changing of the seasons stuff and I think if I ever move back to the south, there will be some seriously tough transitional periods.

So, I finally (because 3 days freezing your ass off feels like forever. trust me) pulled my boots out from the back of my closet and added some tights to a cute sundress with a cardigan. . . and now it's supposed to be in the 70s until Monday. Crap. That's trickery, Ms. Nature and I don't appreciate the joke when I'm sleep deprived and cranky.

But I am really excited about Fall in New York. It means it's tight weather which is my favorite addition to my wardrobe. If you haven't already figured it out, I am pro-dress wearing and tights happen to be the secret to getting away with wearing dresses in the winter.
Recently, I was introduced to Jessica Schroeder. She was linked on Guest of a Guest where she writes a fabulous how-to article on tights- you should check it out if you plan on embarking on this statement this season. I'm thinking of expanding my tights to the bright colors; you should, too.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

bouncing off clouds

My life will officially go back to normal Friday. I demand it.

I need a full night's sleep, preferably in a bed that is only occupied by me. Have I mentioned I hate sleeping with people? This could probably be a factor in why I'm perpetually single. I'm demanding separate bedrooms with my husband, I shit you not.

I need some quiet alone time. The only time I have had to myself since I embarked on this journey was my three hour car ride to and from Florida. It was fabulous. I miss driving.

I need a proper detox. I have been hopped up on caffeine speed and alcohol since last Thursday. Everything I had lacked in drinking and doing for the past year has been made up for in record time.

Have I mentioned we had a slight scheduling conflict with visitors? Oh yes. We currently have 7 people staying in our New York sized apartment that usually has 4 people max. It's like a youth hostel with musical beds until Thursday. Hopefully my sanity can hold on til then.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Never have I ever

Bought condoms in my life.
Until today.
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Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Things that amuse me while my flight is delayed.

You can buy an ipod in the JetBlue terminal of JFK.
In a fucking vending machine.
But my question is what the hell are you going to do with an empty ipod? Will it to play music you can't download unless you have a laptop with you?

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On Wednesdays we wear WaCk.

The co-worker who thoroughly enjoys my quirkiness? Has totally jumped on board with Wacky Wednesday wardrobe. Today I unfortunately forgot. But I'm about to get on a plane. There is enough ammunition I'm sure I give TSA to put me in a holding cell without my outfit sending off any red flags. Although, I am wearing my new cowboy boots that are a size too small, so getting them on and off to go through security should be a show.

Remember that thing I was really excited about a few weeks ago? Yea. Not so much anymore.
Please, people. If you remember nothing else: Once a tool, always a tool. end of story.
If only I could take my own advice.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

You are so not working with a monster

Why must guys sit like their legs hate each other? On a subway no less.

I make it my civil duty to sit next to them hoping they hurt something.

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Monday, September 29, 2008

Welcome to my little bubble. You are more than welcome to set up shop

I don't know what the hell is going on in the world right now. All I know is they have now replaced the letter M with B when referring to economical problems and my brain cannot grasp that amount of money. And now my bank is Chase? which really pisses me off because I specifically chose WaMu because I like saying it.

But the good news is I do have a Cafe du Monde coffee can to put the $12.83 I possess just in case we are transported back to the depression. The bad news, I don't have a yard to bury it in.

September 29, 2007

Exactly a year ago I was on a plane embarking on this new chapter of my life.
I don't even know that girl anymore.
My, how time flies and how much you can change in as little as one year.
One down, a few more to go before it's time to reaccess the situation.

Not what I was expecting.

If this was you, that hurt.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Have I mentioned

I love my roommates?!
They were serious about the formal dinner and we are probably not eating until midnight.
And it's ok. That's how we roll.
But we are all drunk. I am in charge of reading the directions for the Baked Alaska dessert for my roommate but I can't read and she refuses to do what I tell her.

The living room has been rearranged. We have a table setting. We will all put formal wear on and be ready in 5 minutes and I am not sure how good of a plan it is to put the bridesmaids dress on.
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The experiment was a SUCCESS!!

Now I can't breathe. I could feel my ribs becoming one with the material. But it zips, that's all that matters. The pills were a success, but I'm going to quit taking them until next week, they were making me a little crazy. I haven't slept right all week.
Last night, I watched the entire Season Premier of Grey's Anatomy (did anyone else think it was a little over the top? I mean a karmatic icicle? come on!) with it on in the hopes that if I continue to put it on, I will stretch the fabric (I need to fit a bra in there because I do not want to go down the Duck tape route.)
So tonight, the roomies and I have decided we are going to eat dinner in formal wear. Aren't they sweet? Even their friend visiting from Oklahoma is going to wear a sports coat. How much fun!

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Is today over with?

Just checking.

So that's what this feels like.

I just read the bottle properly. It says one pill is equal to 1-2 cups of coffee. And I've been taking them religiously every 4 hours on the hour. No wonder I couldn't go to bed last night and I woke up A GODDAMN HOUR late this morning. I think I'm one pill away from singing "I'm so excited" Jessie Spano style.

And even in the midst of all the freaking out, I still played "How am I going to get away with wearing a T-shirt to work?" and I think I pulled it off nicely if I do say so myself.

East Village Idiot makes me want a pet. They sell Chinese Fighting Fish at a store in my neighborhood. I used to have a slue of them in college. Maybe I can keep this one alive longer than the last. I don't know if I'm up for that kind of commitment though. My attention span is a shortcoming I have just come to accept and it seems to be diminishing with every pill I take.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

My fingertips are holding onto the cracks in our foundation

(Thanks, Traci Anne. I am obsessed with Kate Nash now. Foundations is on repeat.)

I think I am going to designate Wednesdays as Wacky Wednesdays where I wear whatever I grab in the dark and the less it matches the better. Today I have on Red and Yellow. It's Fabulous. Plus, I have decided I'm going to randomly choose No-Chi days, where I go out of the house without my hair straightened and see how many people I can scare. I might have to try a little harder, seeing as this is New York City, but no worries. I will think of something to entertain myself.

And these water pills have a warning not to consume as much caffeine while taking them, but I just read that and I've already had 3 cups. No wonder I'm dancing around with a ruler and there is a pain in my chest. We will just call this an experiment and I'll be back later to let you know if I survived.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

I can do this.

"Sometimes you just have to take the leap,
and build your wings on the way down."
Kobi Yamada

Monday, September 22, 2008

I will not fall for boys?

Personally, seeing as Webster Hall is a concert venue/club, I would think the appropriate phrase for their bathroom would be "I will not fall in toilet" or "I will not puke outside of the bowl" or "I will not bust my ass down the marble stairs".

This is how random my life is. I'm at some concert for a band Cut Copy? Never heard of them, a co worker threw the tickets at me. I was planning on going to see Tyler Read, who is from Shreveport, LA- or planning on sleeping or going to the gym.

But now I'm spending money I shouldn't and consuming alcohol I shouldn't. But it's Bacardi and Diet- that's lo cal according to the commercial. I just won't eat tomorrow.
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I am fat

Ok. Not really, but fat enough.
Its the end of September. Am I the only one who just realized this?!
So this is what I'm going to live off of and set up residence at the gym for the next week.
Then cry when I'm the fat and ugly bridesmaid.
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I have a quota to fill.

freddie: Are you done being crazy for today?
me: its too early in the morning to commit to something
like that
freddie: Fear of commitment. That's your issue.
me: you think I'm afraid of committing myself?! I would
gladly in a heartbeat if I could convince the people with the whitejackets I really am crazy not just neurotic

The morning agenda.

I planned my wedding on the train this morning. I have all the songs we are going to dance to at the reception and the father/ daughter dance is going to be really cute.
It's going to be fabulous!
I'm thinking some time in 2020?
Hope yall can make it!
I hope I can still dance the 1st dance with my husband and I'm not in a walker.
No, I haven't found husband material yet, hence the date, but that's the only detail I haven't nailed down yet.

Friday, September 19, 2008

don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die

I really hate finding out I am not as unique as I thought I was.

Except for this.

Apparently I'm not as weird as I thought I was in this department. As added bonus to mother nature's monthly gift, she likes to take away my immune system in the process (sorry to all those that are friends with me on FB. If you can put 2 and 2 together, YaY for TMI!) Most girls only have the warning zit to announce the arrival of their monthly friend but I suddenly get cold like symptoms for no reason. It took me awhile to figure out these two things were related. Once I did, I thought I was the only one. For years I purposely skip that special week of placebo-ness and jump right into the next pack of Birth Control because I want to avoid that feeling like the plague. Seriously, the PMS symptoms are enough to deal with and then to top them off with a cold? By skipping that week all together I think I am doing the world one hell of a service. But nowadays there seems to be no reason to be so strict with the BC (seeing as I don't have a steady boyfriend and the next time I decide to have sex it will be with someone I love- yes I am aware I sound like a 12 year old girl right now) so I forget. often. I only remember when it's too late. Like now.

So now the blogosphere knows a little too much about me but at least I shared and some poor girl won't feel like she's the only one. Please share if you know how to stop this or keep it under control.

Did this make any sense to anyone but me? Please forgive me, I have mixed way too many medications and no one informed me that a B12 is the legal equivalent of crack.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

The north is seeping into my pores.

I just got called out for saying "You Guys" instead of "Y'all".

I think that is the most depressing thing ever.

Now I must go have a Come to Jesus meeting with the mirror. Please tell me you know what a Come to Jesus meeting is, but if you don't know that's ok. At least I still have that part of the south instilled in me. I do conduct a damn good Come to Jesus meeting if I do say so myself.

All work, no play.

I have come to the conclusion that I cannot work overtime every night this week and go to the gym. It is just not going to happen. And I'm ok with that.

I can barely squeeze my fat ass into a bridesmaid's dress that I need to wear in about 3 weeks (fyi: if you are ever cursed into being one of these and the bride hates you and makes you go through David's Bridal: always make them take your measurements. Do not rely on that floor sample. Do you know how many people squeeze into those daily?! People who know their actual sizes and know better. I swear the size 6 would fit a size 16! I know b/c I ordered the 6. j/k. j/k. ) and I'm ok with that. I will just have to resort to the old fashioned college diet and water pills.

It's really boring when you're the only one in the office, btw.

clean up on Aisle 7

I think it is safe to state I am a hot mess today.

Someone had to have added caffeine to the coffee I've been drinking because I am jittery and bouncing off of the walls. And speaking of bouncing balls, I have just been dribbling a rubber band ball up and down the cubicles. Hopefully I made a dent in annoying the construction workers downstairs the way they have been annoying me. But sadly, I think it's only convinced my coworkers they want to ring my neck more than usual.

and the heel of my shoe broke off.
damn P.O.S.

I need to focus.

And why did white people ever stop dancing?

oh. that's why.

On Wednesdays we wear pink

and I have every fucking shade of it on.

No lie. I went crazy in the pink department this morning. I was a little concerned about walking out of the house looking like a giant piece of bubble gum, but hey this is New York City. Kermit the Frog walks around Broadway daily (this woman is literally head to toe in green- including her hair. Now that I think about it she might be a Ninja Turtle. She always has this green backpack on. I would try to get a picture for proof, but you will just have to trust me. I can't be that tacky. Who am I to mock self expression?) So I did it- and no one took a double take, except I'm sure to see who the hell the Glamazon was (wearing heels today, too!). Of course I run into a co-worker as I'm smoking my morning cigarette who came over just to tell me how much my outfit brightened his day.

In other news, even if I am having trouble being patient and focusing, at least I can say meditation has helped out during the morning commute.

The subway was recockulously packed this fabulous morning. MTA blamed there sparse availability on a sick passenger but I'm blaming it on incompetent conductors. The car was so packed I was becoming close friends with some chick's really bad dye job (and I think I drank a few strands in my morning coffee- gross I know but I needed to prove my point). I closed my eyes and imagined I was one with the pole, swaying in the wind on some desolate island, instead of swaying with the subway car bumping into people. I focused on my breathing- particularly my mouth breathing (for the love of all that is holy what the fuck do some of these people roll around in?!). I was trying to channel a serious sinus attack, imitating a greasy Guido in a really cheesy club- anything to help me breathe normally through my mouth. I messed up a few times and those small whiffs were enough to bring tears to my eyes. It was a very long and painful commute this morning to say the least.

It's really interesting how once you give up being angry, the world around you is quite amusing.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Super Duper Nifty Cool

My new skullcandy headphones came in today making me quite the happy camper. Right now I'm rigorously testing them to make sure the guy sitting next to me on the train tomorrow cannot hear Celine Dion and my heart will go on.
Super cute, huh?
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