Monday, March 31, 2008


I'm totally stoked.

I lost my debit card sometime last week (which is totally unlike me, but I think it's because of all the wishy-washy plans I've been having. It totally kills me not to have set plans and follow through with them. Maybe its my neurosis coming out but it seems everyone here is too laid back for me). I have narrowed it down to either Angels and Kings for the fashion show or the cab ride home. Either way, I don't see finding it from either place. I have been tracking my bank account since then, to make sure no charges were put on it all the while, hoping I would find it, but alas it is gone.

I called WaMu this morning and they are sending me a new card and I dont even have to switch accounts! Woo Hoo! I can pay rent on time! See? I knew I decided to bank with them for a better reason than their name is cool and they have awesome commercials.

The only gripe I have is there isn't own near my apartment, but then again there isnt much around it anyway.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

A review

Due to popular demand of "Anonymous"

So first off, the line to get into this movie was wrapped around the theater. The crowd? A bunch of wannabe hipsters. figures.

27 things about Chapter 27:

1. The point of Lindsey Lohan? And her name was Jude. . I'm not even going to touch that one.

2. I don't get the correlation between The Catcher in the Rye and John Lennon. But it was portrayed very well that Chapman REALLY believed that he was Holden Caulfield.

3. By really believed, I mean he was c.razy. (especially because who would want to be that crazy bastard anyway? Holden is the most annoying literary character I have ever had to listen to bitch for 200 pages about the way everyone is so "goddamn phony"- when he's the crazy phony one!)

4. Jared Leto put on 67 pounds for this movie and apparently the director wants to make sure you do not forget this. There were an unnecessary amount of shirtless/ pantless scenes.

5. Jared Leto's accent made it seem as though Chapman was mentally handicapped instead of southern? (Is he from Georgia or Hawaii? I'm still confused) The narration portion of this movie made it almost unbearable. He should have just talked normally instead of trying to impersonate a mentally slow person. Or maybe Leto IS just mentally slow.

6. I was unaware Chapman went to New York twice to try to kill Lennon.

7. I really like The Cranberries' song "I just shot John Lennon"

8. I don't understand the fascination with John Lennon (and I am aware of the crucifixion I am going get for this comment)

9. Back on track- It was a really good artistic movie. I think it was a good shot at trying to figure out what was going on with Chapman.

10. And with all indie-like movies there are wayyy too many parts were it is silent and that always makes me want to go to sleep.

11. Im still confused as to why killing John Lennon would make a good Chapter 27 for The Catcher in the Rye.

12. And anyway, Holden was just an annoying teen (NOT a 25 year old, btw) going through puberty. I must have missed the part where he was homicidal (because I was definitely skipping paragraphs at a time to make the 200 pages of hell end quickly).

13. If John Lennon was as obsessed with numerology as Chapman was with Holden, wouldn't they both be considered crazy? Except Lennon channeled it through music. . . maybe Chapman was denied into art school (like Hitler) and if he would have had a good way to channel his crazy, then there would have never been this tradegy.

14. I can tell you right now, I am not going to make it to 27.

15. The Q & A session did not happen. Apparently having the director and Jared Leto come out before the movie was enough for them but it clearly stated on the website that there would be one. I am assuming Mr. Leto wanted to get his ass to The Meat Packing District early to get as much free publicity as possible. It's just too bad he always fucks it up by doing something douche-bag like to confirm everyone's already formed opinion. douche.

16. I'm just a little perturbed by the lack of Q&A because I felt a spark of interest after the movie and would have liked to heard other's questions about it.

17. I was unaware Sean Lennon met Chapman in the park with "Jude". I dont even want to see his therapy bills.

18. The sites that are protesting this movie are dumb. Get over it.

19. If you liked Catcher in the Rye I am sure you would appreciate this movie. Just pretend Leto isn't crazy and ignore the part where John Lennon shows up and it's the damn annoying ass book.

20. Can I please say how annoyed I am that there was not a Q&A?! I don't know why I continue to love Jared Leto when he continues to pull douchebag crap like this.


(the bottom line: It's really good if you like indie films.)

Friday, March 28, 2008


Chapter 27 is in theaters. Only took over a year for a studio to pick it up. So I have my ticket for tonight's 10:20 showing of it at the Angelika. We'll see. Considering I just got finished reading The Catcher in the Rye, hated it and Mark David Chapman was apparently obsessed with it (I think he think he is the Holden "toolbag" Caufield)- this will be interesting to say the least. I hope I can stay awake long enough.

Oh. and did I forgot to mention Jared Leto will be there to conduct a Q&A session after the movie, which no doubt will turn into a sob story about his unhealthy weight gain for the movie and what's going on in 30stm world. What a douche.

(Im allowed to say this- because I still want to have his children despite this)

Thursday, March 27, 2008

I really need to get off mailing lists.

I've been good alllll week with online shopping.
Have you seen Coach's new collection?


Is this the cutest? I would love an umbrella in this design. And the jewelry. . . and the sunglasses. . .I have no self control.


Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

(Ben Franklin)

I found the one store that sells Abita in New York City AND it's really close to my apartment!!! This is the only store that sells it in the city (according to Abita's website, if anyone knows of any other PLEASE inform me).

(212) 368-6464

You better believe I will be there this weekend.


Some mornings I wake up and ask myself "WHY do you want to be a New Yorker again?" Why dont radiators work the way they are supposed to (ya know, on COLD days)?
Why do you want to cram into a subway with a million other people? Why do you want to cram when you are already agitated and the man who doesn't understand personal space keeps hitting your bag? Why would you want to do this knowing your tendency to drift to homicidal thoughts? Why would you want to walk to work on a sidewalk where no one knows how to walk? Why would you want to nearly get run over by one person then accidentally run over another? Why would you want to smell the things you smell that are in no way appetizing?


Some mornings I think the human race would just be better off if I stayed in bed.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

This was a bad idea

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Where I stood.

I don't know what I've done
Or if I like what I've begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me it's all or none

There were sounds in my head
LIttle voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain't leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood

-Mary Higgins.

Friday, March 21, 2008

March madness

Is fucking up my game. I have hit on three (count them- THREE) guys and none have taken the bait. Their eyes are glued to the TV. This is bullshit.
I have boobs and a vagina dammit
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Doors in New York Shitty

Why must they be so heavy?? I nearly strained something trying to get into Europa so I could eat an overpriced salad for lunch.

Personally I think its bad for business.
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I dont get

The Bracket thing?

Never in my life have I heard of this concept. I don't know. I mean, I can semi- understand a football pool (but usually my dad puts my name down because I'm luckier and then I get the money if he wins) but but this bracket thing looks complicated and way too recockulous for my ADD to understand.

Any thoughts?
(and please don't try to explain it to me, I honestly don't care)

Important things that have escaped my attention

Yesterday was the first day of spring (or something like that) and I am calling bullshit. It's still freezing! I do understand I now live in the north, but I was expecting tundra-like cold weather not an extended majority- of- the- year mild cold. It's like a slow and painful death rather than a quick and painful one. No wonder Northerners are so damn miserable. It's back in the 80s at home and it's been that way since February but nooooo. I'm still sitting here in a damn parka. This makes no damn sense.

And apparently the other day marked 5 years of being at war. First of all, I didn't know we had an actual date- call me ignorant- but I don't know. . .I just thought it happened gradually (you know because we had no support whatsoever for this head- in- ass decision)and is just me or does it feel longer? So much yet so little has happened in that time period. All I know, is it is time the war should end- if for no other reason but to have my soldier come home (I know he is out there somewhere).

And in other late-breaking I-am-crazy news, I am still in a bad mood and I hate everyone.

Enjoy your Easter holiday, everyone. It's depressing I no longer live in a highly Catholic populated city because, even if they are good for nothing else, at least I would be off of work today.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

I am leaving work early

Because I am dangerously close to commiting homicide.

Wish me luck on the train
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drinking water

is apparently harder than it looks. I have proceeded to choke on mine for the 3rd time this week.

It's quite embarrassing that I have to concentrate on swallowing.

highway robbery!

I have been trying to self- detox from online shopping lately. I am extremely poor and I have no room to put anything until I unpack those damn boxes anyway. But I cannot bring myself to get unsubscribe to the mailing lists. Which makes this detox even harder, considering I get emails everyday (Coach and Urban Outfitters are the two worst culprits)- and this morning I opened one.

Cute sandal? ehhh. . . but wait. I look at the price $158?! That has got to be an error. I know Urban Outfitters is known for its outlandish prices (which fyi: never buy from this store if it is not on sale, because everything goes on sale a week later) but come on. You've got to be kidding me! It's a strap of leather! Even I am appalled.

I'm at a complete loss. New Yorkers obviously put up with some recockulous amount of inflated prices, but this is just sad. I would like to meet the idiot who buys these shoes and then beat them senseless with them.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

kicking and screaming is no longer cute.

I am stewing. and it sucks.

I just realized I have been in the most f-ed up relationship ever- and it happens to be with the love of my life, my gay husband. I came to this conclusion today when I decided I was going to revert to pre-pubescent behavior by calling people names, throwing a tantrum and pouting (for the record, I never claimed to be mature. I mean the attention span has got to mean something) because I did not get what I wanted (which is extremely rare in this situation). All this because of a boy and a girl who threatens to replace me (which btw in reality we all know is impossible seeing as I am a piece of irreplaceable precious cargo but to pacify my 12 year old mind set at the moment, lets pretend for a second I have low self-esteem). The only thing that is making this hard is getting rid of him is out of the question. In a normal (and I use that term loosely with my track record) relationship, I would have been done with him the moment I felt threatened. I would like to consider myself a limited bullshit tolerator. I dont compete, I automatically win. And if not, they weren't worth it anyway. Normally I would never hang out long enough for him to prove to me over and over again that I am not the sun of his universe. The only thing I have to go on that this is still the truth is him telling me this. And we all know, actions speak louder than drunk words. But of course, this can't be normal.

It's like saying "My the sweater on my arm is itching the fuck out of me, I think I will cut it off". He is a part of me. This is my oldest closest friend who I consider my soulmate. He knows me inside and out and still hangs around. He is one of the few that can handle me and I think he has been doing a pretty damn good job of it for the past decade or so. Until recently, but that is none of the world wide web's business.

And the point of this is I need something to distract me from calling him and yelling at him (like he is expecting me to do) and making him crawl even further into an emotional ball thus frustrating me to no end and me never fixing this problem. But Im tired. really tired. and really alone. This has been a year long battle and I need my best friend back (and for the record, this is NOT due to my unhealthy abundance of pride and stubbornness- for once!)

So now I am continuing to pick up my phone every 5 seconds to see if I have a message and waiting for him to call (which I know for a fact, he won't).

This. right here. is the reason I am not in a normal stable relationship with a straight male.

made me laugh, felt like sharing. is today over yet?

(5:25 PM): so where are you working these days?
NQ (5:25 PM): merchandising
(5:26 PM): very cool
NQ(5:26 PM): ehh
(5:26 PM): at least it's not waiting tables
NQ(5:26 PM): very true but i do not aspire to be an actress
(5:27 PM): good point

The Spawn of Satan wears Coach.

Is is possible for every person there is a demon placed on this earth to make our lives completely hell? Kind of like the opposite of a guardian angel? I like this theory. I'm going to go with it.

Mine just happens to be the actual spawn of Satan (not just a regular old demon) and instead of Prada, she is in Coach. The Spawn of Satan wears Coach. And she is dangerously close to making me commit a felony.

My loathing for this useless piece of flesh is more potent than any other disgust I have had for any other miscreant in my entire life. She has poisoned the minds of people I care about and I would like nothing more than for her to fall off the face of the earth- Steve Maddens and all (and you know I dont sacrifice accessories. . but this is for the greater good. She is like Midas anyway. Everything she touches turns to shit).

Anyway. The point is I am angry and I hate to use this as a place to bitch but dammit. Its my party and I'll bitch if I want to.

(sorry to be so vague. . privacy to protect the not so innocent asshats in the world)

no matter the letter- we're all greek together

Guess what starts back up on Monday?!?


Go here and catch up on all the episodes so we can re-live college all over again. Which totally reminds me I need to check the alum site to find out what events are going on. . . is it just me or once you get out of college everyone is too busy getting married, having careers and children to want to play?

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Things someone needs to remind me to buy

An external hard drive (??) Anyone got any ideas?

A bookshelf

A DVD holder

Organizational baskets

The next 2 books by Lauren Willig

Another storage bin


A friggin Life
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This is tragic.

Anyone want to unpack these for me?

pretty please?

Monday, March 17, 2008

my legs are on fya

There is a REASON the 181 subway stop has an escalator. For smokers like me. About half way up the goddamn not working "moving staircase" my legs went numb, my heart was pounding in my ears and I couldn't breathe. Seriously?! I've been drinking, people, and I'm in heels.
Holy christ I can't feel my legs

Sham. Rock.

Happy Excuse to Drink day! And as a properly trained sorority girl (actually I just enjoy any excuse to dress up), I am decked out in green. AND I broke out a pair of heels this morning. Granted, its not any of the 4 inch stiletto Steve Maddens that were mailed to me (yes, we had a staring contest this weekend. So far, they are winning but one day I am going to be a brave soul and rock them on the streets of New York, but until I have a desire to break my neck, they win the battle- but not the war) but its a clunky boot that gives me about of inch of self confidence. I forgot how much self confidence a woman gets from wearing heels.

and WHY does New York City have a stinkin parade on a Monday in the middle of the day? That right there is intelligently challenged if I do say so myself. Please please take a clue from my hometown (New Orleans)- parades are better suited on the weekend, where you can drink unrestricted and enjoy a parade (and a good ol fashion crawfish boil with some abita beer. mmmm. That right there is enough to make me want to go home- crawfish season). Even though the entire city spent the weekend on a pub crawl, its still a weak substitute and you should be ashamed of yourself. Screw pub crawls, you have the Uptown Parade on Saturday to enjoy with your crazy college friends on Magazine Street and then you have the family orientated parade on Sunday in Metairie. And Abita beer. 'Nuff said.

Anyway, I hope everyone enjoys this day. I think Im going to lay off the beer and have apple martinis at my neighborhood bar with the hot bartender. Wish me luck!

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Alert the media!

I went out BOTH nights of the weekend. And by out, I mean until the wee hours of the morning that I have not seen awake since college.


I took a cab (which btw, when it is 4:30 in the morning and you are trying to hail a cab from 125th, lets just say that does not look good. The cab driver- who obviously had too many energy drinks- will ask you "What are you doing in this neighborhood? Did you get some good drugs?" nice.)

Friday, March 14, 2008

stupid people

annoy me. And Im not talking about the idiots in the world that walk too slow on the sidewalk or the ones voting for Obama or McCain (which I will get to at a later date)Im talking about the people with IQs that are double digits- you know who Im talking about. I had a sorority sister that I could only stomach to talk to about the color pink and how hot fraternity guys are- anything else was beyond her interpretation. And she beat me in the presidential election. Goes to show you what kind of sorority sisters I had. . but I digress.

And its not like these people don't know they are dumb. They will tell you they are, but they continue to do things to annoy you. . like ask questions that are common knowledge (The sky is blue? really? how do you know that? Cars have wheels? really?)which then frustrates you to no end. I know Im not the brightest crayon in the box (on multiple occasions) but these people make my brain hurt and they would be the first I would like to kill for sport when that becomes legal.

Yea, I work at the stupid people flagship.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

one more thing.

36. I want to be proposed to on the steps of The Met. . .at lunchtime. . surrounded by all kinds of people, with my friends and family hidden in the crowd until I said yes. . . I know. It's a commercial but thats what I want.

Anyone watch Quarterlife?
Eric is my dream husband right now. I want someone JUST like him.
Please deliver him to me.

quarterlife - part 20

Elle for president!!

Since we were discussing this at work. I thought I would share.
Favorite Resse Witherspoon quotes (as in Legally Blonde, Legally Blonde and Sweet Home Alabama.)

which reminds me of college. When my boyfriend was trying to explain me to people he would say "She's like Resse Witherspoon- more Legally Blonde with a touch of Sweet home Alabama.

Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed.

Oh, I like your outfit too, except when I dress up as a frigid bitch, I try not to look so constipated.

I once had to judge a tighty-whitey contest for Lambda Kappa Pi. Trust me, I can handle anything.

I feel comfortable using legal jargon in everyday life.
I object.

She could use some mascara and some serious highlights, but she's not completely unfortunate looking.

It has come to my attention that the maintenance staff is switching our toilet paper from Charmin... to generic. All those opposed to chafing, please say "Aye".

For that matter, any masturbatory emissions, where the sperm is clearly not seeking an egg, could be termed reckless abandonment.

But if I'm going to have my own law firm by the time I'm 30, I need a boyfriend who's not such a complete bonehead.
(Legally Blonde)

Hello, Patriots! I don't think I've been this excited since Gucci became a publicly-traded company.

This is just like CSpan, except I'm not bored.

So speak up, America. Speak up for the home of the brave. Speak up for the land of the free gift with purchase. Speak up, America!

I didn't know I could be this happy without incurring credit card debt!

Ughhh. All day long I felt like white open-toed shoes after Labor Day.
(Legally Blonde 2)

Look at you, you have a baby... In a bar.

What do you want to be married to me for, anyhow?
So I can kiss you anytime I want.

Well, for starters, you can get your stubborn ass down here and give me a divorce.
I never fully understood that expression, but no, I am not "shitting" you.

The truth is I gave my heart away a long time ago, my whole heart, and I never really got it back.

You expect me to tell you look good? What, did they run out of soap at the Piggly Wiggly since I left?

Like I could tip a cow BY MYSELF!

Just a guess: The words *joint checking* are flashing in your head right now.

People need a passport to come down here.
(sweet home alabama)

breaking news!

I think my left calf is bigger than my right.
My boot keeps falling down on my left leg but it stays positioned on my right.

And if I drop dead soon, it is because the poisonous red dye that has been staining my hands from my silly putty has seeped into my blood stream.

Anyone know the asshat's name who suggested day light savings time?
My foot would like to schedule a meeting with his head.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Things I bet you didn't know

and STILL don't want to know.

Fun Quirks and secret (that I feel like sharing) about me

1. I hate bad vibes. (Ok. before I go on, I do believe if you didnt find me crazy before, and even if you did, this is going to send you into firm-believer town) I can feel bad vibes in my home- and this is a main reason I hate for being to be in my room. Usually if someone goes into my room with these bad vibes, they leave them there and I cant go back into the room they left them in for a full few hours. I usually have to open the window, too, to get them out. I dont fully understand it, but I feel bad vibes and I hate them. This happened more in college but every now and then it will happen. I dont know. . . dont ask. Im just weird.

2. I have to have something to drink with me at all times. I forever carry mugs with me- and before I moved here I would stop at the gas station to get a fountain diet coke and carry it with me at all times. Most of the time, I never finish the drink, I just have to know that it is at my disposal.

3. I wish I was one of those people who sing in the shower and dance around their room in their underwear singing into a hair brush. I've never felt the need to do it though.

4. I hate shopping malls. No, Seriously. I don't like going to them with people and if I go Im on a mission. I mean sometimes I'll go and be there for awhile but I never go for the hell of it, I will always have a reason and a particular item in mind for buying (which doesnt mean I don't leave with a million bags of useless shit I never needed in the first place- b/c Im good for that) But anyway, all those people freak me out. I seriously get clammy and walk extremely fast through the people and I have to think happy thoughts until I get to the car.

5. On the shopping thing, for years I would not be able to go into a store without buying something- anything. I just had to buy something if I graced the store with my presence, hence the amount of useless shit, clothing with the tags still on them, shoes still in the boxes, etc. But I am getting better that this.

6. Online shopping will be the death of me. I seriously have a problem and I should have given it up for Lent.

7. I drive better drunk than sober. I perfected the art in High School, being as I was one of few friends that had a car, and I don't go out for shits and giggles, I go out to get drunk. It seriously is true. I feel safer in my car when Im drunk because Im actually paying attention to driving. And having said that, to calm everyone's nerves, I can drive until I say I cannot. Im really good about telling people when I cannot drive, but until you see me get to that point when I will pass the keys over, it always freaks the "newbies" out when I say Im fine to drive after a few drinks. But whatever. . . and BTW. . I really hate to be DD. When I lived in Natchitoches I never drove drunk b/c that's a small town and my dad doesn't know the sheriff, so I just wouldn't risk it, so I got spoiled by everyone else toting my drunk ass around and so I will rarely drive if we go out- Make that a mental memo and keep it close to your heart.

8. If I am in a car with someone and they need to stop and go into a store for one reason or another, I make them take their keys. If I go in a store and Im driving, I take mine. A girl I knew once was kidnapped, raped and shot in the head that way. Her mother went in the store, left the keys in the car and someone jumped in it and drove off. Luckily she survived but it still freaks me out.

9. As it pertains to smoking, if I put my cigarette out in an ashtray, it MUST be put out all the way. . no embers, no smoke still coming up- and I make everyone who Im with that is smoking do the same thing or I'll do it for them. As strange as it sounds, I think the smell of a still lit cigarette in an ashtray is the most disgusting smell ever. . . plus Im always afraid of something catching on fire.

10. I have an obsession with pens and notebooks. When I was younger I used to fancy myself a writer. That's what I wanted to be for a long time, but then I realized I'd be self-banished to the starving artist lifestyle, and we all know how I feel about that, so I decided to go in a different direction. So I will suffice writing a book or two after I've made money for the fun of it. Anyway, I seriously have zillions of pens. I have two shelves of notebooks that half I haven't even written in once and the rest are full. I would just always have a fear I would get a great thought or idea and not be able to write it down, so I'd buy new pens and notebooks every time I would go to the store.

11. I have an irrational fear of smelling bad. I literally carry deodorant with me at all times. I have some in my purse, in my desk at work, in my car when I owned one, etc. etc. Dont ask me where this comes from and lord help me in the Summertime in New York.

12. I personally hate to sweat. I think it is the most vile disgusting thing a human can do- for me. You can sweat like a pig for all I care, but the second I start fitzing, Im disgusted.

13. For the first time in my life, I have no idea what I want to do with my life and I consider that a failure. But I am trying to keep this self loathing in check long enough to figure out what I want to do.

14. I really believe there is a knight in shining armor out there for me and I want him to show up on my doorstep so bad I can taste it. I used to be open about my romantic notions, but I have forced myself into the closet with it because I didnt feel like it was forward thinking. But I wont do anything to be taken care of for the rest of my life.

15. I would perish without music. I am extremely dedicated to my music and sometimes songs speak to me so loudly, I physically feel pain.

16. I hate hate hate talking on the phone. And that's probably why most of the time when you call you go straight to voicemail (now, now. This isnt that true anymore. Most of the time if you go to voicemail, its because Im in the subways, but you are safe to assume 50 % of the time I am ignoring you) But when I do get in that rare mood I want to talk, if I call someone- they better answer (and 99% of the time they dont and then they call me back when I am no longer in phone-talk mood and they go straight to the vmail)

17. I wish I had a better relationship with my brother.

18. I love that Im crazy. Not certifiable crazy (although there are many who would disagree) just goofy crazy. I love doing or saying off the wall things that make people laugh or shake their heads at me. It gives me joy in life.

19. I used to love my intensity and bluntness and overwhelmingness but now Im not so sure.

20. I always new I was meant to live in New York City.

21. I have an abnormally large heart that I think I keep hidden, but too many people keep telling me they know already. Im not sure if I like people knowing.

22. The only reason why I want to date/ marry a soldier is because I believe I can love them enough to make all the bad things they've seen or done go away.

23. I am hyper sensitive about my height and my weight. Never make a crack about it (to my face or in any way I can find out about it) because that is sever.

24. I'd rather be sleeping. or smoking.

25. I seriously have no idea why people continue to stay friends with me when I know I can be a horrid person sometimes- most of the time.

26. I am jealous of all those younger than me

27. I really do think Im pretty (well, from the neck up) and I know many people think its a backwards reverse psychology thing, but it's not. And I think that is a rare thing especially for a woman.

28. I really do like being a light weight. I know Im from New Orleans and I should be able to drink anyone under the table, but I can't and I like it that way.

29. I dont think that Im as creative as I portray.

30. I love to sneeze. It's a great feeling.

31. I have a terrible case of out-of-sight; out-of-mind with just about everything. . people, clothes, shoes. . . .

32. I secretly hope every man who I have ever liked still pines for me, no matter who he is or who he is currently with.

33. It doesn't really take me that long to get ready. I can be ready in 20 minutes flat, 30-40 with a shower, but I am much too lazy and would rather get distracted.

34. I am only as ME as I am allowed to be. (i.e. insert materialistic, whiny, annoying, etc.) and trust me I will test the waters every time, but I will try not to over step.

35. I love people who call me out on my shit. It's infuriating but at the same time, I respect them so much more. I could never fall in love with someone who constantly appeased me.

And I can't go anymore. . . Im tired.

I think my head is exploding.

It has been awhile since I needed BC powder and Orange Gatorade in the morning. . . that should tell you right there what kind of night I had.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

I swear I work

Is it just me or does this myspace page make you want to have an epileptic seizure?

And because my last post sparked my friend to call me "The Ice Princess of Iceland" and being the whiny Queen that he is, he trumps me. . . .

The Flight Attendant

The plane's cabin was being served by an obviously gay
flight attendant who was just as obviously enjoying
himself. He came swishing down the aisle and announced
to the passengers,"Captain Marvey has asked me to
announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane
shortly, lovely people, so if you could just
put up your trays that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a woman
hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over
those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-
poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said,
"In my country, I am called a Princess.
I take orders from no one."

To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a
beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a
Queen, so I outrank you. Put the tray up NOW."

and I wonder why people continue to love me.

FRIEND: Guess who has a date tonight!
NQ: ugh. you?
NQ: [name has been deleted for privacy]?
FRIEND: Of course
FRIEND: His idea
NQ: hehe. . .see? you didnt scare him off
FRIEND: Not at all apparently
FRIEND: As long as he isn't looking for one thing
FRIEND: and thinks I am easy after Saturday night
NQ: oh wutever and if so- you should be complaining. at least you'd be getting some
FRIEND: Well you know I don't want JUST that
NQ: you're such a whiny queen with that crap
FRIEND: Excuse me?
NQ: you’re complaining.
NQ: like a 12 yr old
NQ: girl
NQ: :p
FRIEND: Because I don't want to Ho it up, I am a whiny 12 year old girl?
NQ: Im saying CALM DOWN. you will settle down one day and if its not with [name has been deleted for privacy], oh well. The right person will come along. quit trying to rush the rest of your life
FRIEND: I know, I know, I know
FRIEND: I am trying
NQ: and THAT is what I meant by the whiny 12 yr old girl.
FRIEND: I am actually more concerned about my reputation and his intent
NQ: reputation?
NQ: Is this the 1800s? seriously?
FRIEND: Fuck off and die
NQ: Maybe you should consider hiring a chaperone? They have those still right?
NQ: :-)
FRIEND: Maybe you should consider hiring another Therapist
FRIEND: I miss [my old therapist’s name here]
FRIEND: You used to be a bit nicer

improv- a time and a place.

So, as I read blogs and avoid work, I of course find this entertaining yet extremely disturbing video and I realize I never documented MY experience in Grand Central, which has now scarred me for life and I cannot believe I had forgotten.

So for your viewing enjoyment:
Me, The Duffel Bag and Grand Central.

Because I am a stubborn stubborn stupid woman, I decided I was not going to spend the holidays in New Orleans with my family, but that is neither here nor there. The point is I spent Christmas in Connecticut with family friends. And in order to get there I had to take The Metro North which is out of Grand Central. And let me just tell you, being in the middle of one of the busiest places in the world on one of the busiest traveling days of the year gives a whole new meaning to "Grand Central Station".

So, there I am, it's Christmas Eve and I am in a recockulously long line waiting to get my ticket. And in these extremely nervous moments (because I have never ridden a real train before and I hoped to god I was in the right line, I hoped I'd buy the right ticket because knowing me I would buy a ticket to East Jesusland and not know the difference and I hoped I was going to get on the right train because lord knows this place is HUGE, etc.) I notice two very large duffel bags in the middle of the floor unattended. My first reaction as a human being was whatever. They'll be back. But as I stood there, the longer they went unattended the wilder my vivid imagination ran.

I began to sweat. I mean, what was I supposed to do? Who was I supposed to alert? And did I really want to get out of line? I looked behind me, and the line had tripled since I have gotten there. My train was set to leave in 20 minutes, did I really want to risk it? (Yes, I am highly aware I am NOT the poster child for the See something, Say something campaign.)

So then my thoughts move on as I continue to look at the bags, look away for a second and then look back praying to Allah someone would come claim them. I continue to do this for a good 10 minutes (ok it was like 1 or 2, but it felt like forever in my crazy mind). Like, what the hell would I do if it exploded? Well, I wouldn't have time to do a damn thing but soil my leggings and burn being this close. Did dying hurt? Hopefully I wouldn't feel anything. My remains probably wouldn't be identifiable and how was my mother going to know I was even there? I mean, I guess people would figure it out eventually but I hadn't even updated my will (which is totally not a legit will. When I was younger, every time I would get on a plane I would allot all my things out in case it crashed. Optimistic, I know) because who would have thought a terrorist would be so evil to blow up Grand Central on a holiday? Wait. Did those kinds of people even celebrate Baby Jesus' birth?

Then a man walks up to it with a few ladies in tow. Obviously the owner of the suspicious bags went to find his family. They begin to unload their bags into the pile. This should have eased my concern, but alas it didn't. The family happened to be terrorist looking (ok. I'm allowed to say this. I am from middle eastern decent and I wasn't being prejudice for chrissake. I just had multiple mini-heart attacks over this and to have Mohammad and family show up, scared the shit out of me even more).

As I continue to watch, I see he has something black in his hand (a DETONATOR!!! my vivid imagination screamed) and he was pointing to the bags. My effin heart stopped. O. my. god. He was going to blow up all of us, including what looked like his mother, wife and children- but then again didn't their insane religion believe in that kind of stuff? Killing innocent people, including the woman who gave birth to you? I was certain I was going to die. I closed my eyes and waited for the blow. This was it. My life sucked and it was ending right then and I hadn't had good sex in months.

I slowly opened one eye and fought the urge to feel if my body was in one piece (like I was the crazy one). Yea. It was a cell phone and I'm an ass and I made it to Connecticut in one piece but I assure you, I am missing a few years of my life.

So, as entertaining as it might be for these asshat theater people to stage something like this- my blood pressure and therapist would greatly appreciate if you would continue your personal jackassery elsewhere. Like a mall:

my two favorite topics!

Religion and Politics.

That's the great thing about New York. If you missed church on Sunday, if you're lucky enough someone will preach to you in the subway. This morning's sermon, in case you weren't on the downtown A train, was quite disturbing including "Everyone DIES. 14,000 people die everyday. . .people just like us in this cramped subway car" and a few misquotes from Relevations. Needless to say, Im glad I got to work this morning. Somewhere between 81st and 59th, I wasn't so sure.

And the hot topic on every New Yorker's lips seems to be this scandal. This is not news to the native New Orleanian, where we are the capital of corrupt sex scandals. Move on, people. I rate this one a big fat DUH!

And while we are on the subject of politics, why couldn't the English send all their outlaws and criminals to American and their prudes to Australia? This was a great email (which by the way I am aware that it is a combined effort of the former prime minister and an Air Force vet)

We need a Leader Like This!

Prime Minister John Howard - Australia

Muslims who want to live under Islamic Sharia law were told on Wednesday to get out of Australia , as the government targeted radicals in a bid to head off potential terror attacks.

Separately, Howard angered some Australian Muslims on Wednesday by saying he supported spy agencies monitoring the nation's mosques. Quote: 'IMMIGRANTS, NOT AUSTRALIANS, MUST ADAPT. Take It Or Leave It. I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Bali , we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Australians.'

'This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles, trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom'

'We speak mainly ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society . Learn the language!'

'Most Australians believe in God. This is not some Christian, right wing, political push, but a fact, because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, because God is part of our culture.'

'We will accept your beliefs, and will not question why. All we ask is that you accept ours, and live in harmony and peaceful enjoyment with us.'

'This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this. But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our Christian beliefs, or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great Australian freedom,


'If you aren't happy here then LEAVE. We didn't force you to come here. You asked to be here. So accept the country YOU accepted.'

Maybe if we circulate this amongst ourselves, American citizens will find the backbone to start speaking and voicing the same truths.

Yea it's old but it is part- accurate.

Sunday, March 9, 2008


I went. I had fun. Met some fabulous new people. YaY! for being adventurous even though it was at the ends of the earth and the A train wasnt running so I had to take the 1 and there were no subways near the apartment (which I totally dont get about living downtown. You might be able to say you live in Tribeca or The Lower East Side but you also had to walk avenues to get to a subway whereas mine is 20 steps away from my apartment AND you can fit your entire apartment in my bedroom. The pretencion of this city continues to baffle me) and the wind was so tragic it literally blew down a few streets.

On the train ride back, there was a handicapped vet in a wheelchair. He proceeded to want to get through to the other end of the train, interrupting my reading and forcing me to basically put my legs in the air to pass (I wasnt assumed. I was wearing a skirt for chrissake!). I looked up and a very attractive male was smiling at me over the absurdity of the situation. I was so ready to have a lovely conversation with the stranger, exchange numbers and tell this entertaining story of how we met to our grandchildren. . . then he started meowing.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

1-2 Go. Ready? Break!

Ok. Seeing as everyone thinks I am this amazing outgoing entertaining person (that's also beautiful and intelligent) I've decided I am going to let you all in on a little secret.

I'm not.

Pretty good act, though. Right?!

Anyway. Im sitting here in my newly cleaned and rearranged room and I'm scared. Scared to death. For the past couple of months I've enjoyed being in my room, alone. I like being alone. I like myself. a lot. I don't, however, like things that are outside of this wonderful little world. And I have come to the conclusion this is not healthy. I am in a new city with new opportunities and a chance to make new friends and I don't want to. I want to sit in my room and read. Or watch youtube videos. Or rearrange my sock drawer- anything to allow me to stay in a room where I don't have to deal with feeling awkward. Well, I've always known it wasn't healthy but I was waiting for the perfect opportunity to break out.

And it looks like tonight is the night (that is, if this headache I have and the fact its a torrential downpour outside don't intervene). I was invited to a Housewarming party in Gramercy (which is another thing- thats 160 blocks away!! ahh!). And Im forcing myself to go (with this little sidetrack of course). I have already called my Jimney Cricket and he told me I had to go (along with making me scream I'm Hot! and mean it. Gotta love my gays!) so I'm going to suck it up and leave my comfortable bed to socialize with people I dont know.
God help me.

Friday, March 7, 2008

Besides my Silly Putty

This has been entertaining me.

AND thanks to that ^. . . this too:

The all-knowing Oracle of Starbucks Behold the Oracle's wisdom:

Personality type: Clueless

You don't go to Starbucks much; when you do you just tag along with other people since you have nothing better to do. You would like to order a Tazo Chai Crème but don't know how to pronounce it. Most people who drink Caramel macchiato are strippers.

Also drinks: Wine coolers
Can also be found at: The mall

She's out of luck and out of hope and out of cigarettes

yeah my baby's pretty as a car crash
sexy as the stinger of a hornet in your arm
just another modern swinger
screaming catch me if you can with a cigarette in hand
and it’s love
its heavy and it hurts and its love
(Modern Swinger- The Pink Spiders)

I am extremely sad that I will not be attending this amazing concert tonight due to my lack of self confidence to attend a rock concert by myself. And I doubt I will be going to the movies again anytime soon since discovering this.

So much for trying to make new friends in the city.

And to make my daily productivity even more minuscule, I bought the best stress ball substitute ever. I seriously should be the poster child for procrastination, adult ADHD and recockulousness- all rolled into one. Look what I've been doing:

And my Easter collage is not coming along as easily as I thought it would. I cant come up with a good color scheme and I cannot justify buying a $5 magazine for the sole purpose of cutting it up.

And Im really enjoying The Sweet Escape by Gwennie right now on my old skool ipod ( I am rockin the dinosaur, I felt like I needed to give him some love for transferring all my data onto Coeus). I’ve listened to it three times and I think I have perfected my cubicle dance to it. When I put on my skullcandies (since they cover the majority of my head), I feel invisible thus making me want to break out dancing and singing. I have received many ims regarding my lack of talent for singing (apparently the block outside noise so I cant tell how loud I’m singing either).

This is my favorite part of the song (it makes me giggle):

Cause I've been acting like sour milk fell on the floor
It's your fault you didn't shut the refrigerator
Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold

And it has totally just hit me this is my theme song for the moment.

BUT that phone call I was telling the world about yesterday? Totally the smartest thing I have done in a long time (Thanks Goober for the advice!) and hopefully the feeling I had afterwards was not a fluke. I hope this was the missing link to the reasons for why I’ve been feeling the way I have for the past 4 years. I felt so much better for confronting an elephant in the room and I didn’t realize I held so much resentment for its presence. And with confronting this it also felt like a huge weight was lifted, maybe it will be strong enough to lift this iron wall I’ve put up and maybe one day I will be able to have healthy relationships (I would put an again right here but to be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever had one!) Now Im emotionally drained and ready for a nap.

And considering Im all over the place in this entry, I should end the torture now.

NQ(1:59 PM): im always right that doesnt mean im the brightest crayon in the box.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

The EIGHTH wonder of the world.

and it is definitely not a man, according to that cheesy K. Locke song.

Effin Bed Bath and effin Beyond DELIVERS.
How A-mazing.

Have I mentioned I live in the greatest city in the world? (for the moment)

Last night after a friend and I did not win lottery tickets to Wicked I decided to scope out the BBB and make a list of all the things I needed so I could come back this weekend (which I was supposed to do last week, but I decided my bed needing some TLC was more appealing than going out in the cold) with my trusty little cart (and look like the biggest asshat on the Upper West Side)

Sorry. I got side tracked. Someone pointed out my name plate was missing and I had to threaten people’s lives with eight plastic forks to get it back.

But anyway, I went there with the intention of looking because there was no way in hell I was toting anything larger than my purse uptown in the middle of rush hour. And in this moment of looking around, I came to the realization I am not now and nor will I ever be domesticated- type (surprise surprise). I was overwhelmed and distraught over picking out plastic bins that no one will probably ever see, for chrissake! Forget decorating a home people, I have way too much anxiety and there are way too many choices. My heart cannot handle the extra stress. So, there was a nice (way too short for me to date but acceptable looking) man who cracked a joke about making decisions and inquired about what I was looking for (and for the first time in a long time, I sensed flirting! This is what happens when I distance myself from the gay mafia. Baby steps, people, baby steps). This ingenious man was the one who informed me about the shipping phenomenon. (Thank you, Mr. Cutie- I should totally post a missed connection on craigslist, but you are too short. I am sorry) So now instead of bowling in the way chic Port Authority (yes, there is a bowling alley in Port Authority and yes, it is quite awesome) and instead of exploring downtown on a date, I will be waiting for my delivery of recockulously constructed plastic bins to organize my gigantorous room, where I will probably work on my Easter collage and jam out with Coeus.

But I also have to make a very emotionally stressful phone call, hopefully being the closure I need to regain emotional health, and I am not really one for the feelings talk, so I might have to procrastinate that (for let’s say, another 4 years would be good).

Anyway, now that I have jumped on the bandwagon of delivery service, I thought why not check out Fresh Direct and get even more L-A-Z-Y when my grocery store is 7 blocks away? Did I mention it is semi-uphill? What about the fact they don’t sell salt-n-pepper shakers? Those are good reasons, right?

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

If I have a heart attack tonight. . .

Please blame it on American politics.

And to be more specific, campaign season.

And the winner is. . .

I finally came up with a name of my new favorite thing in the entire world (I swear I'm not materialistic, I just get slightly attached.)
From this day forward my new macbook will now be called Coeus. And I am pronouncing it "Co-us", so get it right when you are referring to him, he is quite sensitive as to his name. It took me a good 2 weeks to come up with it.

Which, all this Greek mythology research in finding the perfect name has sparked my interest in it yet again. Any recommendations regarding good books on this subject or websites?

Monday, March 3, 2008

In the Heights

It's not just a Broadway Musical, people.

I went out tonight.
And by out I mean the bar 20 steps away from my front door.
I would like to state for the record, living this close to a bar is amazing.
And by amazing, I mean dangerous.

I think I am making Martini Mondays apart of regularly scheduled programming.