Sunday, December 23, 2007

The New Loves of my Life.

What have you been doing to get into the Christmas spirit?
Not a damn thing and I like it like that. I can't wait. Tomorrow I go to work, then I have a day and a half to do anything I want!

And I am having way too much fun on I know, right? Well, I went to this dinner party with a friend of mine. Her cousin, who was also throwing the party, is a newlywed and she met her husband on I know, right? So, I figure what the hell! This could be fun. Apparently, it is the #1 way to meet people, and seeing as everyone I knew has left me, why not? So, I did it and now Im having so much fun! I've already gotten an email and 22 people have viewed my profile since I started it this morning! I feel like such a loser but oh well. Im tired of being lonely.

My second new fun obsession is trying to find a red Blackberry Pearl on eBay. I am determined to have one. I think it's the best invention ever and I've always wanted to be addicted to a crackberry. YaY! So, if this doesn't work out I will yell at AT&T's customer service department and if that doesn't work out my aunt told me to use my Christmas money. And I deserve it right?

The apartment is so quiet with no one here. It's been full since last Wednesday and now I don't know what to do with myself! It was so great to have friends come visit- especially my SEESTER! They wore me out but it was so much fun getting to see the city through tourists eyes again. I'm getting really close to becoming a jaded New Yorker I don't notice everything.
My favorite part of the trip was getting to see Wicked. FINALLY. And trust me, it was well worth the wait. Blew. my. mind. seriously. I can't rave enough about it. but seeing as I am late on the bandwagon for this I won't. All I can say is I will never be able to watch The Wizard of Oz the same way again! Gregory Maguire is a genius the way he put the story together.

So I think Im going to put my clothes away and enjoy the quiet until I drive myself nuts!

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Sick and Bored.

Day 4 of being sick has taken a large toll on my life. I have not gotten out of bed today. Thank goodness. I was even lured by the possibility of seeing Spring Awakening and that didn't even get me out. I really hate wasting a Saturday like this, but Im hoping by tomorrow (which the only things I have planned are laundry and the movies) I will feel better. Which gives me 2 days to get my energy levels back up in time for a friend and my sister to come visit. YaY! Until then, I am going to continue to lay on the couch and catch up on my TV shows, or at least the ones that aren't reruns. It makes me so happy ABC is playing My-so-called-life via their website and it makes me so happy that it came out on DVD. Too bad I don't have a DVD player and am not doing Christmas this year and can't ask for either (which I would also like the Skullcandy Fur Ti in Pink- it's headphones that doubles as earmuffs! How brilliant!).

I have also started listening to the radio again lately at work ( and forgot why I don't listen to it anymore. For being the largest radio station in the country its sad that their line up only includes 10 songs on repeat throughout the day (which include: "Don't stop the music"- Rhianna, "Clumsy"- Fergie, "See you again"- Miley Cyrus, "Apologize"- Timberland, "No air", A Paramore song and a few others I am forgetting).

But now I am going back to watching Brothers and Sisters and hopefully to bed with the help of some NyQuil.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Boo on you.

So. . . Where have I been? Exploring the city? Maybe. Bogged down with work? Hardly. Breaking hearts and taking names? Please! There is something about the southern boy charm that these NYC-ers don't have. I don't have a good excuse and since I doubt anyone missed me, I'm not going to apologize.

I am going to say, it's f.n cold!! And fitting, I have one too. Oh and the kicker, the heat doesn't want to work in the apartment. I am currently sitting on my couch/ bed with a space heater I bought from target. It's 20 degrees outside! I really need to move. . Any ideas?

Today was our holiday party. It was quite impressive, including Asian Fusion food (at Ruby Foo's), an open bar with a dance floor and a gift bag on your way out. Really cute. But I could not take advantage because I feel like scum.

I am ba-humbugging this holiday because I won't be going home, which is killing me. Every time I think about it, it makes me overwhelmingly sad. So I don't want to hear shit about me boycotting the holiday.

And what the hell is up with all these environmentally friendly freaks? But I don't feel like ranting about that.

And I don't feel like ranting about the pretentious retardness of night life here.

BUT I am starting to learn more about myself and that's a plus.

more later when I can breathe out of my nose!

Sunday, October 28, 2007

In a relationship.

I have a boyfriend. Yes, you heard right. I am in a relationship.

His name is MTA, which stands for Metropolitan Transportation Authority. As in, the fucking subway. It's similar to Carrie Bradshaw's relationship with the city itself but mine is more dysfunctional. There isn't too much communication involved which leaves me frustrated, alone and sometimes scared. He never does what he says he will and he pisses me off a lot. But every now and then he shows up when he is supposed to and takes me to some amazing places all over the city. Without this relationship, I wouldn't be able to experience as much as I do with it.

And that is all for now.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

a very spaced out blog with no point

My eyeballs hurt. My brain is all mushy and I feel like I'm swimming. Have I mentioned I hate numbers? Have I also mentioned that the majority of my job deals with numbers? (Like 165% of it). I know I'm only on day 2 and of course its going to be frustrating and overwhelming. Why can I just aspire to be a damn receptionist? (I actually aspire to be a professional trophy wife but until that man comes along I have to do something to pay the bills) My head hurts. I feel like I never get enough sleep but I must not revert back to doing nothing.
Ok. I think I'm done.

I got really drunk for the first time since I've been here and that made me happy. before this weekend, I felt like all I was doing was wasting money on 10$ drinks and ending up walking my slightly buzzed self sober. But Saturday night I succeed in drinking my ass off and staying that way well into the morning. Then I proceeded to wake up, do laundry and have a fantastic day with myself in Washington Square Park. I'm reading this book that I am absolutely in love with ("The Time Traveler's Wife"- amazing!) and I'm starting to get back my sense of self.

I work around the block from Bryant Park, which makes me so happy. Parks are my thing right now. I don't know, but don't get too used to it. I'm sure its just another Abby-phaze which will only last a few months (or long enough til the winter comes). I need to get my happy ass off this couch and go grocery shopping.

I have also noticed New Yorkers like to go on strike a lot. I don't get it. I thought that shit ended in the 20s (kinda like all the racism crap on the news, too.) From the cab drivers to the hotel workers to friggin Broadway (literally!) I can't keep up with who is holding the signs.

I have also noticed my hatred for tourist has not gotten lost since I've been here. I want to strangle them a little less than I did in New Orleans, but at least here I can "accidentally" hit them with my purse or step on their heels and do it without the fake southern charm.

And I bought a web cam so I can talk to my family at home but I have no idea what program to use with it. Anyone wanna help me out?

And this is the end of a very spaced out blog with no point.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Greetings from Cloud 9!

Yup. That's right. Check out the new Merchandising Assistant for! How excited am I? Holy Crap! This was the first interview I've been on (not including to meet with temp agencies) and I really didn't know what I was getting myself into. The only bummer is this is an entry level position (which means entry level pay) but it is also the fast track to getting into the industry, so no complaints from me! I will be working in Time Square, which sucks but at the same time is amazing!
And tomorrow I am doing a temp job at some big brokers firm where my recruiter told me I need to find my husband. . . a perfect job AND a perfect potential husband all in the same 24 hours? Impossible but let's hope for the best!

And I forgot the best news ever: I MET TORI F.N. AMoS!!! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I met that angel that happens to be walking the earth AND she is as amazing in person. Let me tell you about this experience. So, I've always heard she did meet-n-greets outside of the arena that she is having her concert about 4ish hours prior to the concert that night, but I have never been able to go. So, last Thursday I traveled to Madison Square Garden around 3pm just to see. Well, that day God happened to open the sky and let the Mother of all rainstorms happen right then. A very nice usher happened to tell me that Tori would probably be going in through the employee entrance and she directed me to the green awning. But as I contemplated walking around the monstrosity of a building in the pouring down rain I did not know if it was worth getting soaked in the off chance that she would be there. I of course contemplated over a cigarette then said fuck it and walked around the building, and thank goodness I did. There was a small group of people by the awning and I asked them if this is where the meet-n-greet was happening and then then put me in line and parted and I saw Tori was already there! Two extremely sweet guys realized it was my first time meeting her and let me go ahead of them. I'm not sure exactly what I said when I got up there but I do remember asking her to play Crucify (the last concert I went to she didn't and it has scarred me ever since). Seeing as she already had a palmful of requests, I didn't think she would (But to my surprise she did! and then I cried). It had to have been the best night of my life. The concert was amazing and something special to me that I won't ever forget.

So I don't think I can top that ever. But living in this city has made me so happy, thus far. It's amazing all the things a properly functioning city has to offer. Lately I've been hanging out in The Parks. It's becoming my favorite thing to do- that and seeing a Broadway play for 20 bucks! Everyday I realize how blessed I am to be here.

Monday, October 8, 2007

Caught a Lite Sneeze

Today I am a functioning human! That did laundry in a public laundromat and everything! And no, dearies, that was not the highlight of my day.
The highlight: I got my Tori ticket!! YaY! For those of you not familiar with my favorite female, Tori Amos is the most amazing and talented musician out there. I have been a fan all the way back to Little Earthquakes, which is by far my favorite album. This amazing woman will be preforming at Madison Square Gardens this Thursday and Friday night. AH! What a welcome-to-New York gift to myself! (you know, besides the Avenue Q and Legally Blonde tix) Her new album features 5 different characters (my favorite being Clyde and Pip)see below:


And for those of you wanting me to be a responsible adult, I did spend a few hours today sending out resumes. Proud? Yes, and one included to Coach, which I have decided if I do get (highly unlikely) I will spend all of my poor lil paycheck on the new Bleeker Tattersall collection (have you seen the ads for this? omg. amazing!)
I think a trip to Chinatown is in my near future!

Now I must go, I feel warm and I need to let my NyQuil kick in to get over this cold-thingie.

Friday, October 5, 2007

We're not in Kansas anymore, Dorothy.

Today I finally got on a subway where I was not the minority. I felt safe and more comfortable than I have in the past several days. Too bad it was the 'L' that goes to Williamsburg, oh yea, and I live no where near it. Now I'm not a racist (well. . every one's a little bit racist ;-) Ten points to whoever can get that reference!) but there are somethings that I do not get about other cultures. Like, who made up the rule it's ok to stare at people and be loud and obnoxious? Who made up the rule it's ok to not speak English in America? I can be annoyed about these things b/c I am a white (dare I say chalk?) girl living in Sunset Park, which isn't a bad neighborhood but I definitely don't belong.
Its goddamn karma I tell you. . . How long did I bitch about the Mexican invasion in New Orleans (with good reason! Hooting and Hollering at white girls on the Interstate is not going to get them to swoon you fucking alien!)and now look what I get. Transplanted right in the middle of it and I don't even get a right to bitch because they out number me!
We met our new neighbor today. She's a British 23 yr old here for 3 months studying at some dance school. She was a little disappointed to find out we weren't British also. Our landlady apparently cant tell the difference between white Americans and Britains but hey I can't tell the difference between Mexicans and Cubans so I guess we're even (Hello?? The accent didn't give it away?!).

Today was not a good day. I sweated a lot. And I hate the commute (Who the fuck ever said living in a borough was a good idea I would like to shot right about now). Other than that I am seriously on the verge of locking myself in my apartment. I can't even find a good bar anywhere near me (well, not that I would want to become a patron of anyway. I am not a fan of tequila.) Someone else move up here now so I can have a friend.

And can someone please tell me the point of having a non-smoking restaurant with the side of it being an entire window that is kept open? I think more of my smoke went into the restaurant than if I was sitting at my table which was on the other side of the wall!

Sunday, September 30, 2007

No Standing.

More fun outings for Erin and I in the big bad city. This time, we went to downtown Brooklyn. The subway attendant told me, in his Brooklyn accent, he hates when people ask for directions (which isnt that your job?!) especially because today is Sunday but nonetheless, he pointed us in the direction of downtown Brooklyn. Which was quite handy (If you need to know, its the Atlantic/Pacific stop on the N). Today was the Atlantic Attic, which is a street fair that happens once a year. yippee for me. I hate crowds and I hate fairs.
Then we took a side street in order to smoke (is it just me or do I feel like a felon for smoking in this city?) and I decided to be a dumbass and ask the cops in their lil NYPD van what the hell "No Standing" means (see picture).

I really thought I was going to get arrest for standing on the corner, smoking my cigarette (also, is it just me, or does standing on the corner seem dirty to you?). They looked at me like I was the little naive tourista that I am and laughed (which is a lot better than the response I got from the cop in Time Square about trying to find a map- picture Christina Yang as a cop). Apparently cars can "stand" when someone is like waiting? And those signs are there telling drivers they can't. YaY! For learning something new at the expense of my intelligence, especially because these two cops were hot. Like, Im talking hotter than the French cops in Paris. WITH a brooklyn accent. It's a shame I'm such retard because I should have gotten their numbers and I should be partying with them tonight, but instead Erin and I are going to venture somewhere to find even hotter guys to buy us drinks.

Which leads me to another thing. What is up with these northerners? Every time I talk to one of them, they don't seem interested in anything I'm saying. I know that northerners are not as nice as southerners and all that. . . but I guess I just figured that only extended to not saying "How's ya mom-n-em" to your neighbors (who btw do not speak english and I don't even want to know how you say that in spanish). The cops looked bored to the point of almost annoyed with answers in my question (which I did in my very cute Abby voice, btw, which, btw is a shoe-in for getting my way! dammit.) I don't know. Maybe they were tired of answering dumb questions, but I asked mine with flare!

oh well. Day 2 almost down. I'm still alive and Im sucking it up.

We're here!

I live in a tuna can with a leaky toilet and no oven.
To live in my neighborhood, I will need to learn Spanish. dammit.
My ass is going to look amazing by Christmas. We live downhill.
I went to dinner in Time Square last night and spent way too much money on a hamburger.
I went to the police station and asked for a subway map (you can just imagine the look the officer gave me.)
The Subways will not best me.
home sweet home.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

TV Guide (me)

I am really bad at keeping people up-to-date on my life.
We found an apartment in Brooklyn. Everything is back on track. Except packing hasn't changed. . .it's still a bitch. Today is pack the actual suitcases day. (I've just been putting everything I won't be needing for the next 4 months into boxes to be stored) I got a brand new Pierre Cardin luggage set and Im really excited, but not excited about parting ways with clothes and shoes. You should know I don't like to play favorites.

So Im having this huge issue with The Fall Line-up of Television. There is too much I want to see and not enough time in the day to have a life. This is going to suck.
Ok. So we've go, so far:

LA Ink
Private Practice
Grey's Anatomy
Side Order of Life
Dirty Sexy Money
Big Shots
Gossip Girl (I read the books and they were fabulous)

So. I have a choice. Stay home every night and watch imaginary life happen or actually live life.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

for rent?

So, about 6 hours ago I was informed our apartment sublet fell through. Something about bedbugs infesting the entire apartment building and it not being livable for another month.
I have spent the past 6 or so hours looking for a new apartment.
Fun Times.
Yea. And this time next week, Im supposed to be IN New York.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

9 days.

Freaking-out-mode is slowly creeping upon us, people. It wants out. I can feel it every now and then poking its head out, looking around and asking “Is it time yet?” and there is only so many times I can push it back into the subconscious. only. so. many. times.

Florida wasn’t this bad. When my mom started crying at the airport, I did a little and then a little more on the plane and that was it. But this time, I have 9 days til the plane and Im about the lose it.

I feel like I’ve been sleeping. Just going through the motions of life and in 9 days my life is going to kick start and I am no longer going to be able to “sleep” (slack, half-ass it) through life. I feel like Im about to reach the bottom of the rabbit hole and life is just going to go from 0 to 60 and I wont be able to stop it. Stop it? Who wants to be able to stop life? (not stop-stop, but just slow down) That’s crazy!! I’m about to live the dream! I am doing something 90% of people don’t have the guts to do (actually LIVE life!). I am blessed to be strong enough mentally (ha!), emotionally and financially to do this! I am going after what I want which the what Abby is all about. But there is something different about this time. This time its for real. I feel it in the bottom of my stomach. I am going to be a changed woman that will surpass this one in every way, shape and form possible. And that is the scariest thing. ever.

So. It’s coming. Im just giving warning.

edo-yo-cate yo-self, fool

In honor of this day, I am in my black- are you?
Did you even know about this? shame on you.

Due to many reasons, I cannot be in Jena today but my heart is. Hopefully this protest remains peaceful and no one is further harmed in the rest of the world's attempt to bring enlightenment to these pathetic excuses for humans.

Reason # 865860548 I am not a Southerner (and yet AGAIN embarrassed by my Home State).

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

New Orleans Photography

I sit here bored out of my skull with the only relief being my trusty ipod (Thanx again Freddie!)- yes. I am manning the front desk. I am holding down the fort from evil doers and dumb phone calls. And I totally have to pee but I am not allowed to leave this chair.

I have decided sometime this weekend Im going to play in The Quarter. I want to go around and take pictures of the city before I go. I have this really cute idea on how I want to decorate my apartment in New York and I want it to be New Orleans themed- well subtly. No purple, green and gold, please. Only natives think those colors go together. And definitely no black and gold and HELL NO to purple and gold. So anyway.

I think I need to get organized on what I want to take pictures of. I mainly want to do bars but other landmarks would be fine- but landmarks that mean something to locals and me. This is what I have so far:

F&Ms (of course)
Dos Jefes
The BullDog
One of the Graveyards
The Streetcar

French market
Cafe DuMonde
Cat's Meow
A few of the famous restaurants

There are a lot of other places, too. I need to make a list so I don't forget but I cant think right now. I have to pee too bad. Any suggestions??

Things I also need to do before I leave:
- Go on a haunted tour of the city ( I totally want to be an obnoxious tourist for a day!)
- Go to Metro 3 on Magazine and get a "tchoupitoulas" shirt.
-There was one more thing, but I HAVE TO PEE!!

words of advice

Do not call a law firm and tell them your life story hoping from your 5 minute ramble they will be able to find some sort of lawsuit for you to pursue. Especially, if you don’t even know what type of case you have or much less the type of law the firm you have called practices. Because I am going to tell you “Sorry! Im just the receptionist! Let me connect you to our office manager’s voicemail”. And when you don’t get called back, then you’ll know why!

Because you’re an idiot!

I just got accosted via telephone by someone who wouldn't shut up long enough for me to tell her we didn't even practice the type of law she needed, so I let her talk and continued a conversation through im until she had a pause- which was a good 5 minutes. Why in the world would she assume the person who answers the phone has a law degree? Even then! We aren't even a plaintiff firm! All I got from her rant was "taking money out of my check", "10 dependants", "sexual harassment", "fired" and "H&R Block".

Monday, September 17, 2007

Brain sputtering.

I am quite sad that I do not have anything to look forward to watching on Monday nights anymore. Sad day. The only show I have right now is LA Ink until the Fall line-up starts, but who even knows if I will be watching that- there will be too many exciting things to do in New York!

And I had an amazing going away party Saturday. I wont go into too much detail because I hate blogging about events. Plus, if you weren’t there, shame on you- you don’t deserve the details anyway. I had a mini-panic attack on Saturday day and I suppressed it. . . so it should be coming full-blown soon to run its course.

I am smitten with my new ipod nano (“LiL ReD”) and my shuffle (“The Green Monster”) which I feel very uncreative for those names but I will come up with better ones- Im liking JollyGreenGiant and LittleGreenMan or desi(red) and inspi(red).

And at the moment I am feeling extremely sorry for women who feel the need to get back together with men who blatantly and repeatedly cheat on them. Seriously, hunnie pies, what kind of self-respect do you have? People like you make me sad.

That’s about all I have at the moment. . .give me a while to get my brain back into the groove.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

iPhone iWould pay for!

From Marie Claire magazine. Now THIS is something I would pay $500 for!

Introducing the shePhone

We asked founder Mia Kim to help us create our ideal all-in-one gizmo. Move over, iPhone.

Features include:
1. Mini "Rabbit" vibrator
2. Perfume/Mace atomizer (just be sure to pick the right setting!)
3. Xanax dispenser (also works for other meds)
4. Dental floss
5. Corkscrew (for when the pills run out)
6. Home pregnancy test
7. Condom dispenser

From the interface:
Portable tanning laser
Cell-phone signal jammer (silence others in mid-call!)
Voice analyzer (is your BF where he says he is?)
GPS Universal remote (override other remotes)
Phone, Wi-Fi Web, MP3 player, and, finally, TiVo (record 24 when you're stuck at a client dinner)

Friday, September 14, 2007



Do not waste your money. seriously. spend it in the casino. It was a waste of an hour and a half that I cannot get back with a Tina Turner and David Bowie impersonation that I could have gone the rest of my life without. It was a terrible combination of Cirque and Drag Night at the Oz. The two “magicians” reminded me of Ozzie and Sharon Osborne- 20 years ago but with the same amount of brain cells missing now. The “dancers” looked like cheap hookers- one dancer had rips in her fishnets but if she was wearing real underwear (not thong) we would have never known (aw! your daughter must make you SO proud!) and at one point, I thought I was watching porn.
And the kicker: the “magic” portion of the show left nothing to the imagination. I now know how all magic tricks are preformed and that’s depressing (if you want to know too go sit on the far left hand side of the stage) kinda like seeing Mickey Mouse with his head off (ooops. did I say that?)

The only semi-entertaining part: Watching Blane Kern (yes, the Mardi Gras King) make as ass out of himself on stage dancing to Proud Mary with “Tina”.

Now I realize why there is a bar in the theater and cocktail waitresses will serve you throughout the show: YOU WILL NEED IT.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

My "two" weeks notice.

I am shocked, amused and in awe as so how smooth giving my 2 weeks notice was. The OM was so excited for me and so supportive! I am seriously going to miss working here, even though it hasn't been that longer. She even wrote the nicest email to everyone in the firm letting them know about my situation. (see below). And everyone has come to talked to me about it. They're all so excited and happy for me. Its amazing!!

I feel like 1,000 pounds has been lifted from my shoulders.

This is the email:

I am sorry to say that [NQ] has decided to move to New York and her last day with us will be Friday, September 21st. We had big plans for [NQ] here. She was going to be an overflow secretary for the firm and fill in when help was needed. All of the secretaries were so excited that we were going to have an extra set of hands to help. [NQ] is very sad about leaving us, but when an opportunity comes to seek a dream you must take it. We wish [NQ] the very best in New York!

We are still going to have an overflow secretary, because we need the help. If anyone knows of a secretary who would be interested in working with us, please let me know.

So, if anyone is looking to make a change, this firm is amazing in every way!

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

17 days and counting!

No. I have not given my two-weeks notice. Why, you ask? Because the office manager is in the hospital, which she has been for the past two days. Just my luck! I'm getting antsy about telling them. At this point, I no longer care if they tell me to just leave (which I'm hoping they do not) because I'm really sick of this. Of course we all knew I was over working in the law field about a year ago but now, with the moving date being a little over 2 weeks away, I don’t care. All I want to do is start packing.

It was strange. Last night, Fred and I went to Grits to drop off money for the keg for the party this weekend (yes, there will be a keg. You. should. be. there!) and I told him, this time next month I will be sitting in a bar in New York somewhere. WoW- that’s a powerful thought. . . which also got me thinking. Everyone keeps asking “How long are you going to be there?” Well. hello, genius. I'm having a GOING AWAY PARTY, not an I'm-visiting-a-new-city party. I don’t have any plans to move back to the south. In my heart, I don’t think I'm coming back. Don’t you people know anything about me? Once I set my mind to something, I do it. And at the moment, my mind is set to grow old as a cranky New Yorker, only coming back to New Orleans to visit.

There is so much to do, just thinking about it gives me a mini-panic attack. I need next week to be over so I can start organizing. Plus, I'm tired. I'm tired of everyday resembling the last and wasting away my life until I'm too old and I look back with regret. Its time for a change.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Ohh! Shiny Things. They get me everytime.

Dear Mr. Jobs-
I salute you for your ingenious mind and everything that it dreams up. I am officially addicted to my ipod and I am having a hard decision on whether to buy a pink shuffle or orange. But as a faithful ipod believer, I must say: STOP THE INSANITY. My puny little mind, that has been programmed from birth to "need" every useless piece of crap you people market oh-so-pretty in shiny packaging, cannot handle this. I WANT the new ipod nano (red preferably)! You are an evil evil man. I think you might be in the running with my boss for Satan. I just might self destruct on figuring out a logical reason for buying it in a few months when I haven't even uploaded songs on to my brand new one. Not only have you made me upset, but you have also made my white ipod video an antique (which better get me more money on eBay for it!) Please don't do this to me. I can't take it.


PS- if you keep doing these evil things to me, I will be forced to chain myself to your office in futile attempts to change society.

If you would like to know the method to this madness, please check this out.

Want more? Please see here.

Friday, August 31, 2007


A friend of mine told me about a trick he does to calm down. He screams HOLY MACKEREL! at the top of his lungs. I tried it, and it works. You should too.
But currently, I am not in my car, in an office with a closed door and there is no pillow handy so I must suppress my urge to do this.

And I am currently frustrated with the ebay selling. I am trying to sell a brand new blue ipod shuffle and as it gets closer, the more nervous I get. grr. Someone please buy it!! I need to sell a silver ipod nano 2GB next, then who knows? Maybe some shoes? some purses? More money for NYC!

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Technical Difficulties.

Steve Jobs
Apple Corporation
1 Infinite Loop
Cupertino, CA 95014

Dear Mr. Jobs:

First of all, I would like to say I love your products. However, when the original iPod came out, I was against it. I did not believe there should be a product that would phase out the radio. Radio is free and your product was definitely not so free, so I believed your product to be the devil (just kidding!). Once the Video iPod came into existence, though, my life was forever changed. I was in love with the fact that I could upload movies onto it and watch them anywhere. Kudos to you Mr. Jobs! My video iPod is now permanently attached to the radio and the only station I keep it on is 87.9. But this letter is not to state how amazing your products are, because that fact is indisputable.

I recently received a blue ipod shuffle as a gift. BLUE! I am sorry but I am a firm friend of the first half of the rainbow and that is all- red, pink, orange and yellow. Blue is a tragic color and obviously this person did not know me very well at all, but I digress. I decided I needed to exchange this for a better color (of course we are talking about pink). Now, if you listen to nothing else in this letter, please understand this next sentence is the thesis sentence: I do not understand why it takes an Act of Congress to exchange an Apple product without a receipt. Exchange, by definition, to give up (a blue shuffle) for something else (a pink shuffle); part with for some equivalent; change for another. Granted, a pink shuffle is by no means in the same category as a blue shuffle, only because the color is better in my opinion, but in yours they are considered equal, hence charging the same price for it. Therefore, I do not understand WHY I am having such a difficult time doing a simple task people normally do on a daily basis. I called your customer service department and I was told that as long as the product is brand new in the packaging I could swap the two products (an even exchange) with no problem at any Apple authorized dealer. Well, she lied. I cannot do that. I need a receipt and seeing as I will not be ever getting a receipt (for reasons that would take a novel to explain and I don’t want to take up too much of your time), I need to know how I can do this. It seems you are the “God” of all knowing and I would feel blessed if you would bestow on me a tiny inkling on how to do this.

Now I am not normally an irate customer. I understand that those servicing me did not make the rules and are simply doing their jobs, and being that you are the CEO of this company I am assuming that you do- make the rules that is. And seeing as my request is a tiny one (it is not like I’m asking for the secrets of how to MAKE an ipod shuffle) and I asking you to please inform me the proper way to go about exchanging a blue ipod shuffle for a pink one without a receipt and without knowing where this product was purchased. It’s simple, really and then you will have another happy Apple customer to support and buy any other product your ingenious mind comes up with.

In sum, I would appreciate a response containing in detail how to go about exchanging my brand new in the package BLUE ipod shuffle with a PINK shuffle without a receipt and without knowing where it was purchased. Thank you, Mr. Jobs, for your time.

With kindest regards, I remain

The Nicotine Queen

Monday, August 27, 2007

This is why god made you pretty.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, if you ever wonder why I make fun of the entire pageantry system again please watch this 30 second video and I rest my case.

missed connection?

So for those that do not know, I have an small obsession with the missed connections section on craigslist. Normally I think they are so cute and romantic and one day hope someone write one about me (but seeing as most of the missed connections come from people in Whole Foods, which is a trend I refuse to give in to and Bridge Lounge which is wayy too pet friendly for me- I doubt it will ever happen). I had been neglecting my little obsession and stumbled across it today. I picked out my favorites to share.
Either these people are mocking missed connections which truly shows how non-romantic the world has become or they really need to work on their courting skills, but either way, I found it quite comical.

Reply to:
Date: 2007-08-25, 2:41AM CDT

I stood there in awe.. gazing at your sheer beauty.. broad shoulders, beautiful eyes, pucked lips, knitted sweater - WAIT, THAT WASN'T A SWEATER, THAT WAS YOUR HAIRY BACK !!! Baby I want you, I need you - ive got a banana tree in my backyard, which means you and I need to go camping in the garden!
email me, I long for you, especially since winter is on its way

Rat Girl - m4w - 26
Reply to:
Date: 2007-08-23, 10:37PM CDT

I saw you jumping over a dead rat in the street in front of Jax's. The way you hurdled the rat and the way the wind blew your hair was breath taking. I was walking towards you wearing a neat-o outfit.

I'm so sorry - m4w - 19
Reply to:
Date: 2007-08-15, 9:22PM CDT

Why wouldn't you let me make you the queen to my king of magazine street? I saw you tonight on my street with some jackoff. Whats he, the king of Veterans Blvd?

Vomit in the Park - m4w - 25
Reply to:
Date: 2007-08-01, 3:51PM CDT

I was running in the park and pushed myself a little too hard. I threw up my lunch in front of you, and by the look on your face, it probably ruined your workout...maybe even your day. My bad. I said, “Don’t was just a banana...I’ve got a bunch of them at home.” I don’t think you got the joke. If you figured it out on your run or your ride home, drop me a line and I’ll make it up to you.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Kinda like a car. High Maintenance = CLASSIC!

Seeing as yesterday I was called this THREE times, I am going to address this issue once and for all.



I am only as high maintenance as allowed to be.

How could it possibly be my fault if you allow me to be that way? Who wouldn't want to push the buttons to see how far they can get away with? I am a master manipulator, people. It's how the lord programmed my brain and I try to take advantage of those gifts he bestowed upon me (well I kind of try to stay away from the over abundance of pride and stubbornness. I really think I got seconds on those). High Maintenance. I don't even know what that means, really. Is it such a crime that I know what I want and will settle for nothing less? Some of you people need to follow in my footsteps because WoW! Some of your significant others. . . well, I will be nice.

So the moral of the story kiddies, I am not high maintenance. You just have low-standards.

And I just read at wiktionary the definition of high maintenance *officially* (because remember everything you read on the internet is true!) :


Describes a system which requires a high degree of maintenance to ensure proper functioning and without which it is likely to break down.

(figuratively) A person who requires a lot of attention.
He has this incredibly high-maintenance girlfriend; if he doesn't tell her that he loves her every five minutes, she tends to break down into hysterical depressive weepy fits.

Ok. THAT is crap. I'm not that girl. Attention must be paid to me, but THAT sounds like a 12 year old girl who didn't have a lot of daddy-time growing up and a guy who had too much mommy-time to put up with it. All I ask is that I am recognized for my fabulousness. That. is. all. (and sooo not too much to ask, btw


figurative: expensive

YET AGAIN! I am only as expensive as I am allowed to be. I do not live beyond my means, I can pay for everything that I buy and I am on a budget right now (No comments from the peanut gallery, thank you!). How is THAT a problem? And if you want to buy me that nice diamond ring, its not my fault you have to go into debt for it! I didn't ask for it! Its something you wanted to do. So, how is it my fault??

See also
Ok. I am not brittle, or at least I only pretend to be.

WHAT AN AMAZING WORD!! I dub this my word of the week! I am finicky. Especially when I'm eating and there is stuff in my food that I don't like.


I have medication to control this, thank you.

Retrieved from ""

Ok. Maybe I am.

JUST a little.

Can I have a Valium? I have a cold. I think.

I keep telling the receptionist at work instead of Tylenol and Advil in the supply closet we need percocets and valiums. I mean who needs antacids anyway? (well, actually I did yesterday. I've never had indigestion before in my life- I didn't even know how to spell it!- god I'm getting old). Seriously, if I were to continue to pursue a career in this field I would need something much strong, like a lobotomy.

So I did it. I sent my letter to (well actually I got an address and mailed it to the base, stood in line forever and found out mailing it was only $.75, which rocks because I thought my measly little letter was going to cost an arm and a leg but since it goes to the base then to wherever they are it was cheap). I suggest everyone get a pen pal in the military, hopefully this will be fun and someone will write me back thinking I’m witty and fun. Hopefully he is at least 6’2, single and independently wealthy. LoL.

Health Update: I feel like poo.
Everyone in the office is sick, so of course germs flock to me knowing I have Lysoled my desk, a economy sized bottle of Purel and hand wipes. I think it’s a game, survival of the fittest and let me tell you, modern crap that is supposed to protect you from these colds and allergies do not work.
My head feels like a brick and everything tastes like snot. ewwww.

Today is Friday and all I want to do is crawl up in the bed. This adult world has ruined the weekend. I’m so pumped all week for it, but once it gets here all I want to do is rest up, then on Monday I am saddened by the fact I did not have crazy debaucherized fun and I’m pumped for the next weekend to make up for it, and the vicious cycle continues.
Getting older sucks.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

I'm the Queen of Hearts, too.

How friggin funny!

Your Score: Queen of Hearts

You scored 42 Kindness, 37 Morality, and 58 Wisdom!

You spend your upbringing going to the finest schools, being educated in the running of Wonderland as a strong ruler. Your parents dished out thousands of dollars for college and you always got excellent grades. But instead you only want to play croquet? All the time? Well, although it's odd, at least you know what you like. Fortunately you are very intelligent and have a solid base of morals on your shoulders. Even so, your lack of kindness leaves you playing alone often. Look for a man with a nice head of flames and a lot of time on his hands, like Hades, for a good match.

Link: The Which Disney Character Are You Test written by dakotaguy on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Greatest. News. Ever.

The Good News: My mother is going to pay off my credit card before I move!! (shh! It's supposed to be just between us- and the rest of the blogging world!) That's amazing.

The Bad News: As soon as I found out, I got an email from and I'm already thinking what can I buy before she pays it off.

It's sad. I have a problem. But I will be debt-free for NYC!!

See? I can't quit smoking I'm too stessed. Ha!

I have decided smoking three cigarettes on the way to work is satisfying. Usually I limit myself to two because if I am not rationed, I can go crazy with the smoking ( i.e. any night I go drinking I nearly smoke a pack). See? Now, Im calm and collected and I can wait until 10am (which is the universally known smoke break if you aren’t in an office setting btw) but it still doesn’t mean Im starting work until 9am. (I don’t see the point in making me get to work at 8:30- everyone knows no one starts actually working until 9. That’s also universal known- well at least in my world.) Ok. All this talk about nicotine and I’m having a craving so we must stop.

I am tired of looking for apartments in New York. Who the hell can afford an apartment for 6000 a month? That is by far the most recockulous thing I’ve ever heard. All I want is a small little apartment, preferably 1 bedroom (a 2 bedroom is a dream that I hope one day to achieve, seeing as I’m going to be living with my sorority sister and I hate sharing my bed- but I will for the greater good of our cause), fully furnished, utilities included, in a good area on the island for like $1500. . . .ok ok $1800. . but I am putting my foot down at $1900. Yes, I am highly aware that this not realistic (or at least it is going to take a lot of looking) but I am the queen of unrealistic things, and if I put my mind to something, it will happen. But I’m tired of looking! All of the listings on Craig’s list are starting to blend together and I have a semi-anxiety attack every time I go on there. I will persevere though. Look out New York, this bitch does not play!

Wish me luck! The big day is getting closer and closer!

September 29th!

And Remember to Save the Date: September 15th is our going away party! location TBA (but most likely F&Ms or Grits because they are my fav) but if you are not there, I will no longer keep in touch with you and you will not be allowed to sleep in my bathtub when you are visiting the big apple! And no one ever wants to be on my bad side, plus I’m the coolest person you’ve ever met so it would ultimately be your own loss. smooches!

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

My first blog on blogspot. . .YaY!

Ok. . .so I can't think of anything new to say at the moment considering I just posted a new blog on myspace so I will recycle. and add that the shirt I am wearing reminds me of a circus tent.

Driving last night to go buy some cigarettes, I made a few observations:
Toyota Echoes:

It is required to be a Jesus Freak and have the "Jesus" fish on the back of the car. (Maybe they come standard when you buy one? I guess its to make you feel better for only buy half of a car, or maybe you need Jesus to watch over you b/c Im sure that thing squashes like an aluminum can in an accident)

They are strategically placed to piss me off the entire 0.8 miles to the gas station (did you not just read I was going to buy cigarettes, which means I was out of nicotine and pissing me off during that time is generally a death wish?) Clearly, I realize the Jesus fish is there to protect them from ME, the crazed Nicotine Queen.

TV sitcoms/ Romantic Comedies

I am a suck for these- a sucker I tell you. I cheer, I cry, I beat the crap out of the unlucky soul who is sitting next to me and I live vicariously through these characters for two hours. Then I join reality and get depressed. WHY (in that wonderful dinosaur noise Cassi loves) can't I have a relationship like that? I am saddened and I came to the realization that these are the reasons why I am perpetually single (which I don't like whining about b/c I generally like singledom, but here me out). For those of us with an overactive imagination and an addiction to TV shows with romantic plots in them(or romantic comedies), it is inevitable we are going to fail in relationships. Rather, relationships are going to fail us. No relationship is ever going to compare with those of fictional characters made up purely for entertainment value. Which is not fair. Where are all the Dawsons and Paceys in the world? Paging Dr. McDreamy, where are you? See, and its not fair to us. It is not fair to compare a real live man with these expectations. He is doomed to fail. Ever noticed its not ok for a woman to be single? Even in Sex and The City, Carrie is always with a new guy and the only one not wanting a relationship is labeled a slut. What kind of society are we living in? And then you have all these women wondering why they are single in their 30s, and here it is, I will tell you, because society has brainwashed you into waiting for that imaginary Knight in Shining Armor and not to settle for less. Well, shit. I should be a therapist.

Sorry, I went on that tangent. I am getting help for that, and hopefully by 2050 I will be in a stable relationship that is not with my shoes.







Can I borrow some dental floss? I promise not to give it back- quoted from my office about 5 minutes ago. Made me laugh.