Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Suggestions on things not to ask me about New York.

Let's get a few things straight when you ask me about New York.
Yes, it's fucking expensive as hell to live here. Get over it and stop acting like you've never heard that one before- have you been living under a rock? This is the center of the universe and there are quite a few significant differences from your podunk town. My rent is more than yours plus your bills, your car note and insurance combined. That's just the way it is. You probably can't afford to live here anyway (I know I sure as fuck can't). I'm pretty sure it's out of your range if that shocked gasp tells me anything and I'm tired of hearing it. Quit asking me how much apartments are here- there is an abundance of resources for you to find out if you really cared. It's NEW YORK FUCKING CITY, people. Not Kansas!

If you ask me again how to get a job here, I'm going to personally call your mother and tell her she should have had an abortion. How the fuck do you get a job anywhere? It's not rocket science. How the hell do you expect me to advise you on getting a job when I have no idea what your field is (nor do I care)? I currently hate my job (which is NOT a career counselor), so I'm sorry I can't help you.

And No. Life in Manhattan is not like it is portrayed on Sex and the City, The Sopranos, Law and Order or [fill in with your own asinine TV show]. That's like saying the entire South is like the Beverly Hill Billies or New Orleanians really talk the way they portray them on TV. The streets are not over run with body chalk, Tony Soprano will not be your neighbor (and for that matter, he lives in JERSEY. Don't get me started on that place) you will not see [insert some celebrity here] (and even if you did, most of us don't pay enough attention to others to care) and you are definitely not going to see someone running down the street in Manolos. Shut up. You're just being dumb and making me realize why I'm glad I don't live there anymore. Ignorant Southerner. Oh. You don't like it when people say that or assume that? Then quit fucking acting like it.

I'm in a really bad mood, if you couldn't tell.

6 comments:

TN Girl Moving To New York City said...

OH FUCK!! I hope you're not talking about me!!! :)

Nice post, it's DEAD ON!!

.Nicotine.Queen. said...

No, hunnie. You're fine.
Trust me. I'm talking about people from home.

TN Girl Moving To New York City said...

Ok, gotcha. Just making sure... The last thing I want to do is piss you off!! :)

.Nicotine.Queen. said...

Smart girl ;-)
But you are actually moving here and have legit questions and concerns. These people are just wasting my time.

TN Girl Moving To New York City said...

:) Have a great Thanksgiving!

Andie said...

hey now! LOL

just kidding. I already know how much rent is there, etc. That's why I live here. LOL