I don't want to talk about it.

For the first time in my life, I don't want to talk about it.
I've never been that person. I always want to talk the drama circling around me (because to be honest, I don't really ever have drama, it's just usually in my orbit) into the ground trying to figure out a solution. I always want to tell everyone I know everything.
But not right now.
I don't want to talk about it and I sure as fuck don't want to think about it.

You should really ignore this part, it has nothing to do with what I'm talking about above. . .
But what I do want to talk about is me. If you aren't familiar with my over-sized ego, let's start with I am the most amazing person you will ever meet. There is no one as fabulous as I am and that's just a fact of life. I'm smart, beautiful, open-minded, eccentric, goofy, adventurous, loyal, responsible, witty, etc. . . the list could go on forever (but you know this already. You were the only who spent all those years trying to convince me of it. Yea, sometimes I get a little carried away, but it's true nonetheless and I finally learned that). Not many people get to see this, though. I don't like those secrets to get out too often or everyone and their grandma would want to be my friend and I don't have time for that. So, I usually like to disguise myself as a bitch- which totally works for me. But I digress.

The point is: I am irreplaceable. Once you meet and fall in love with me, no one will ever be able to fill my place in your heart. And once I fall in love with you? I can guarantee no one will ever treat you as well as I do. As high maintenance as I am, I return the favor of putting up with me threefold (but you know this already). Unfortunately, if you fuck it up forcing me to cut you out of my life, you will spend the rest of your days trying to figure out why you feel so empty. You will spend endless amounts of time trying to figure out why and trying to fill the void. That's the reason why every single one of my ex-boyfriends sing my praises and will always regret not being with me (oh wow. I went a little overboard there, but let's just go with it for the moment). In short, You cannot replace me. (For the record, she is turning you into some thing I can't even recognize as the man I love- which makes it a little easier to accept you are not in my life) But keep trying, sport. After the heart slicing pain, it's quite entertaining for me.

see how brave I am? I can't even call you and tell you all this because I'm still heartbroken. If you cared about our friendship half as much as you care about a damn Coach wallet I got you, maybe we wouldn't be in this place.