Tuesday, December 2, 2008

I hope you're happy.

Am I really going to be that girl that waits for his call?
Am I really going to be that girl who waits for his email?
Am I really going to be that girl who checks her Blackberry every 5 seconds?

4 years of training myself NOT to be that girl and look at me now. I've been down that road. I've taken a backseat. I've been 2nd and 3rd before and I can't do it again. Why am I grasping at the little bit of attention given and thinking that enough instead of demanding more? I cannot drive myself crazy waiting for him to recognize how amazing I am. I cannot have my life consumed by someone who doesn't appreciate me.

This is why I am so guarded.
This is why I won't let you in.

This is why I do things to purposely hurt you.
God, I need a hobby (that does NOT include reading books about knights in shining armor).

2 comments:

TN Girl Moving To New York City said...

Girl, it's like reading my own diary! That is me!! Don't you hate that??

Eastcoastdweller said...

Because You -- though beautiful, strong and smart -- are human.

No shame in being human. The alternative is rather depressing.