Cravings, Conspiracies and Utter Confusion

It is tragic that I need 3 cups of coffee in the morning to function correctly. There was a time in the not so distant past that I never drank coffee in the morning. Now, I need 3 cups of black coffee with lots of real sugar before I feel like a human again (I only drink coffee with milk when I go to Dunkin Donuts. The conspiracy theorist in me believes they hide crack in their coffee to make it sooo damn good and if I drink it without the cream, I will be able to taste it- can you taste crack? I don't even know just go with it- and my theory will be confirmed and I don't want to admit I'm addicted to crack) (Yes, ladies and gentlemen this is how my brain works. If I could charge admittance for the CIA to explore, I would).

I know this has a lot to do with going to the gym after work- the need of caffeine, not the conspiracy theories. It takes me forever to get my mind to unwind that late at night and actually sleep. I'm not even going to pretend trying to go to the gym in the morning would be a good plan because that's just ludicrous. My bed and I have a special bond that the gym cannot break that early in the morning. Has anyone trained themselves to only need 5 hours of sleep instead of 8? Please inform me how to do it!

And speaking of the gym, I SWEAR I was at the gym watching CNN and there was a report on Australia banning cigarettes on the entire continent, but I must have dreamed that because I cannot find proof anywhere. I went over to my smoking buddy's desk this morning to ask him about it (because he is the keeper of all things informative) and he had no idea. I did a little research and found out some obscure island wants to ban cigarettes and are asking Australia to stop exporting them to their island, population 10 (I'm assuming- and it must be something personal). See how much I pay attention to the news? Anyway, That's just mean. Poor obscure islanders. I'd consider that cruel and unusual punishment, personally.

Ok. "You don't own me" (The First Wives Club version) just came on my ipod and I must go dance in my cubicle. I wouldn't want my coworkers to think I'm sane or anything.

Have a fan-fucking-tastic Thursday!