Blonde moments

I really love living in my own little world, but on some days it just doesn't work out well.

I just found out one of my very very nice readers decided to give me props on his blog. He says "Nicotine Queen, a witty and feisty gothamite".

How amazing?! Someone likes me! I feel special.

Anyway, having never heard the word gothamite (bare with me, I never claimed genius status) and thinking it sounds really "cool" I look it up on urban dictionary and this is the definition I get:

1. gothamite
The younger generation of the so called "Goth". Originated in the late 90's with the sudden popularity of psudo-goth bands Maralyn Manson, Orgy and the like that dressed vaguely similar to the post-punk goth, lots of black, but with less style. Mostly what the ware are black jeans and t-shirts and dye their hair black. They tend to have less insight into themselves and those around them. Basically kids that want to play dress-up to look dark, brooding and mature.

(don't ya just love how they misspell Marilyn Manson? hello! You are obviously not a fan)

That would NOT be a cool definition and I'm confused. I really could have sworn this guy liked my blog. He's always commenting and saying nice things to me, why would he call me something like that? That does not sound like something I would want to be considered. From this definition, it sounds like a hipster who wears more black. I mean, I talk about having a little goth in me all the time but I don't think I necessarily AM goth. I do wear more black nowadays (but I'm a New Yorker! and it's just so easy) I dyed my hair black (I can't help that I look better with dark hair! I'm Italian and Lebanese for chrissake.) I don't really have much insite to myself right now (I am definitely in the full blows of another quarterlife crisis- or maybe I never came out of it) So. . .me being the over analyst that I am freaked out. Holy Hell! That IS me.

So I proceed to write him an email asking him if he meant to insult me and exactly what is his definition of a gothamite is. I don't want people thinking that about me if I try to damn hard to cover that up! At this point I'm confused enough to ask my NGBF if he would consider me "Goth" and he looked at me like I was stupid. Then I asked him if he would consider me a "Gothamite" to which he replies YES. omg. That's more insulting than being considered a goth (NOT that that is an insult, continue to bare with me) because if I were to be considered anything it would be the real deal, not some pseudo-goth thing.

And this is the point where I find out the true definition of a Gothamite. . .

It's a person who lives in Manhattan. You know, from Batman and the nickname Gotham City? Yea, everyone else reading this figured that out already and I'm the only dumbass on the planet. I get it.

East Coast Dweller (poor guy! I feel terrible about the email even though he was SUCH a sweetheart about the whole thing) has now edited his post to call me "a witty and feisty dweller in Gotham City, aka the Big Apple, aka New York." But I can guarantee I'm the only idiot who would make that mistake.

Buyer's Remorse.

really sucks.
I hate hate hate this feeling. But it got to me. It sucked me in and it's not my fault! I'm blaming the overwhelmingness of Macy's at Herald Square. I had to do it.

Now I have this Coach purse I don't love that cost wayyyy too much and Im going to have to brave the insane crowds risking another panic attack again.

But riding the wooden escalators was soo worth it.

I call bullshit, Sally Hansen.

LESS than 12 hours after painting (WITH a top coat)



And people wonder why I like chipped nail polish. It's easier to maintain. No matter if I spend $1 on a bottle or $8 with OPI and Essie (oh!! Does anyone else remember the craze with Chanel's Vamp? God, I loved that color), it's chipped within the first few hours.

Anyone have any good tricks on how to prevent this? You know, for one day when I care about being classy. (yes, according to the bible- Cosmo- chipped red is the tackiest thing imaginable). But I do think chipped or not, it's a good change from the black (for now).

Uppers and Downers.

I feel like I just pulled 2 all nighters in a row. Not even coffee is working when you're this exhausted. It's times like this I curse my heart condition because an energy drink would totally cure this- but I really don't feel like having my heart explode just for my eyes to open properly. My body is screaming at me for making it function and my bed is crying from neglect. And the saddest part? I have had 7-9 hours of sleep each night. It's just the in between time that had me on my feet or running around the entire city like a crazy person.

And speaking of crazy people, have I met my fair share of those this weekend! I don't know what it is about the movie industry but it seems like that is the mothership. I spent the majority of the weekend making sure I didn't make any sudden movements and trying to dodge them like that plague but apparently I am a magnet for them. They flock to my beauty and want to tell me all about the things that go on in their insanely fucked up heads. Luckily I did not have to listen to a Bush conspiracy theory (that occurred in Union Square around 3am, but I easily avoided it and he sucked a bunch of drunk chicks instead into listening)

I did, however, have someone try to lecture me on smoking (yea. and not just a "hey those are bad for you. haha" like "I care about your health. you shouldn't do that"). I felt really bad for her. She didn't know what she was getting into but at the same time what kind of person lectures someone they don't know on that?! It has been a long time since someone was actually dumb enough to try to engage in an argument with me over this. At first I was willing to humor her (it had been awhile since I had gotten nice and heated over this subject) but I got over it quickly and ended with a suggestion to never do that again to someone you don't know and if you insist on continuing to discuss this with me I am going to be forced to ignore you.(Yes, she happened to be one of the crazies. . and I think she was hitting on me but it was hard to tell with all the socially retardedness going on).

I made a lot of friends with the security department, we seemed to have a lot in common, being that we were pretty much the closest you could get to normal and all. We had fun making fun of the clueless movie-goers together. But, surprisingly I did meet a lot of people that weren't in the industry or trying to break into it. I got along with them really well also. Hope I run into them at the Wrap Up Party! (Yes, a party is involved. How much more amazing can this get?)

What did I do you ask? Well, Saturday I handed out ballots and tallied All Access Passes as they came into the theater. Yesterday I stood outside answering questions and directing traffic (which was my favorite job so far. It reminded me of Disney, with less stupid people. Plus I got to wear a cool red jacket that made me feel important. The sorority girl definitely won the battle this weekend- which was a good change, I was starting to get scared the goth girl killed her). I don't have anything scheduled for the week- I will be working again next weekend, but I might pick something up depending on how tired I am and if I want to forgo my duties and just go to a movie.

Oh! And yesterday I met Isaac Mizrahi. I told him I really like his clothes, but I don't buy them because I think they are too expensive for Target.


kidding!
(about actually telling him that, anyway.)

The 27 club

Before I pass out and die (I am recockulously tired but I will blog about my experiences later), I wanted to share this amazing movie with everyone. I saw it last night at the volunteer screening and was blow away. A-Fuckin-mazing.

The 27 Club.

This is the description on TriBeca's website:

"When Kurt Cobain died in 1994, The New York Times reported that his mother Wendy O'Connor said, ""Now he's gone and joined that stupid club."" That would be the 27 Club, the exclusive domain of rock stars who shuffled off at age 27. Its charter members-Brian Jones, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and Jim Morrison (Robert Johnson, ex officio)-have been joined by members of Badfinger, Big Star, Canned Heat, The Grateful Dead, Hole, The Minutemen, and The Stooges, among others. Now Los Angeles rock star Eliot Kerrigan (Joe Anderson of Across the Universe and Control) is dealing with the overdose of his partner Tom Wallace (James Forgey) at the age of 27 by dodging the fans, buying a case of drugs, and hiring a square young grocery clerk (David Emrich) to drive him home to Joplin, Missouri to deliver a note left on a Post-it to Tom's strict military father (David Sherrill), who holds Eliot responsible for his son's death. Along the way they pick up a hitchhiking Irish student, Stella (Eve Hewson), who recognizes Eliot but keeps it to herself. After a run-in with a homeless man (Jimmy Hager), the trio continues on to New York City. Told with economy and restraint by writer/director Erica Dunton (Find Love) and with austere cinematography by Stephen Thompson (Hounddog), The 27 Club is an engaging spin on the road picture that humanizes a familiar tale without psychobabble, reimaging the American highway as an avenue for mourning and forgiveness. "

I cannot rave enough about this movie. It was compelling and moving and funny and heart wrenchingly sad. I cried. What can I say? When I like something I get really involved.

(have I told yall Im on a rockstar kick right now? yea. this totally fits into that category)

Emo- not just a trend.

Coming back from a long day at Tribeca, I saw this ad in the 4 train and risked looking like an asshat to take a picture. It made me giggle. Vandalized on the baby's belly says "he must be emo".

Not many celeb sightings to note (probably b/c I hardly recognize the ones I do know let alone some D-lister) but I did talk to Laura Bell Bundy (for those who aren't hip to broadway, she is Elle Woods in Legally Blonde the musical) I told her I needed her ballot. Yea totally exciting stuff.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

The downfall of moving 1200 miles away from home.

When you suddenly get light headed and nearly pass out on 34th street. At first it feels like a really big panic attack (I mean, you have been bitching there are too many people on the streets at lunchtime) but it doesn't stop. Figuring you need some sugar and a fountain diet coke would be amazing, you wander into a McDonalds sipping your delish drink and realize even after the sugar and the sustenance, if you choose to stand you will in fact pass out because there is no way in hell you can walk the avenue to your office. This is when you realize just how much it sucks to be alone in the city.

The only people you think to call are those in New Orleans who can do little more than tell you to go to the ER (which you flat out refuse- knowing your insurance sucks and knowing you already have a health problem and knowing you don't want to go unless someone holds you hand through it) and in the process you freak them out even more by calling them instead getting into a cab and going straight to the ER (which heaven only knows where one is) or back to work because maybe they would know what to do.

And hours later as you lay in your bed with the room continuing to spin and your head feeling like a fishbowl, you are a 26 year old with no one to cuddle with and make you feel better even if it is just laying next to you.



PS- If I die, someone please make sure Tori Amos makes it to the funeral to sing 1000 Oceans. Thanks!

When chair dancing doesn't cut it.

I SHOULD BE

(but when do I ever do THAT?)

INSTEAD, I AM



YOU SHOULD WRITE A

AND ENTERTAIN ME FOR A CHANGE.

OR

AND TALK TO ME

THAT WOULD MAKE ME


GOD I AM SUCH A

Young Frankenstein

comes highly recommended by me!

A few weeks ago my NGBF and I won the lottery and got to see it (in Mel Brooks' seats btw). I wasn't sure if I would like it, but seeing as Megan Mullaly (Will and Grace) and Andrea Martin (My big fat greek wedding) are in it- I figured why not. Anyway- it's hysterical. Roger Bart and Christopher Fitzgerald were a-mazing. You must see this play. Even if it's just for the Puttin on the Ritz. THAT knocked my socks off (I won't give anything away- but the choreography is phenomenal- in my opinion- but you must see it). And I think I just laughed myself silly listening to the soundtrack. I can't find a video of the musical version (which is soooo much better) but here is one from the movie.

SUPER DUPER! (I love the monster!)



This totally puts me in a better mood!

Why I need a boyfriend.

Reason #4567:

When a light bulb burns out, he can get on the ladder and change it for me (instead of me getting on one and freaking out) and I can cheer him on from the ground (where it is safe).

Fashion math.

Updated:
I got another Steve Madden email and when I went to their page, this shoe caught my eye. . and I imagined what it would be like to own it and rock it in the city and that is the basis of the fashion math. No, I did not break my foot, but if I bought this shoe I would put money on my calculations and I probably would deserve it.




+








=





The name of that shoe: EVIL.
Seems fitting.

To the people outside my window

Remember that episode of Sex and the City with Samantha and the hot trannie messes?! I am really close to pulling some kinda shit like that. I am aware that yall probably have guns and I run the risk of having a physical altercation with a bullet- but at least then I would get some peace and fucking quiet.

WTF is wrong with hispanic cultures and the need to be so goddamn loud?? Its 11:30 at night! We all can't sell drugs to pay the rent, ya know!


Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

My friends are crazy, too!

This is a snapshot into the lives of me and my friend, Steph (when she is not rubbing it in that she shared an elevator and a "moment" and what other shenanigans she can think of with Hot Calf Man). You can imagine how our smoke breaks were when we worked in the same building (shout out to Lakeway Two!!- Or was it Three?) Anyway, I know she reads this.

Steph (5:25 PM): i named my phone
NQ (5:30 PM): ??
Steph (5:30 PM): Oliver Jack Sparrow
NQ (5:30 PM): Oliver is a popular name!!
NQ (5:31 PM): but I dont like the Jack Sparrow. . . lose the Sparrow
Steph (5:31 PM): my phone is a man
Steph (5:31 PM): probably a gay man
NQ (5:31 PM): everything I own is male
NQ (5:32 PM): or oliver onyx!!
NQ (5:32 PM): Double O trouble.
NQ (5:32 PM): bc its a BLACK Jack
Steph (5:32 PM): ooooo
Steph (5:32 PM): but i like jack
NQ (5:32 PM): I like Oliver Onyx.
Steph (5:33 PM): Oliver Jack Onyx?
NQ (5:33 PM): nope.
NQ (5:34 PM): Ollie Onyx. . . or you cant use Oliver
Steph (5:34 PM): ok fine
NQ (5:34 PM): YaY!!!
NQ (5:34 PM): trust me!
Steph (5:35 PM): ok ok ok
Steph (5:37 PM): am i weird?
NQ (5:37 PM): nope!
NQ (5:37 PM): naming inadament objects is completely normal in my world
Steph (5:38 PM): ok good...i think
Steph (5:38 PM): i'm not sure what's normal in NQ world is normal in real world
NQ (5:38 PM): exactly. . .you might want to check with someone else.
Steph (5:39 PM): yea
Steph (5:39 PM): i'll get back to you on that

*BTW- I finally named mine, too.
His name is Taj.

that feeling

you get when you get off of the subway at 42nd Street, for the first (few) times? You know, the awestruck kind of scared but wayy excited to be in such a widely known and famous place? That lil ol you could be in this amazing place? THE 42ND Street?! Where the entire universe hubs? You are there and if it were a movie, you would be the only thing in focus as cars and people and life just zoom all around you?

Yea. I miss that feeling.

For some strange reason I got it today coming back from the doctor. For months 42ND St has just been this annoying place filled with tourists getting in my way and slowing me down from getting to work. What ever happened to that exciting feeling every time I would emerge from the subway and see those big billboards? The shock and amazement that I get to see this everyday and that I actually LIVE here.

Now it's just this monotonous thing. It's just a routine. Get on overcrowded subway. Get out by elbowing. Walk down the street to big building. Go in. Sit for 8 hours. Walk back. Repeat daily. Every now and then I will think I take the subway to work. wow. but that's it because usually someone runs me over as I slow down to think about it. I have spent months perfecting averting my eyes, that I don't even look up to see anything. And it's been so long since anyone has come to visit me (yes, that is a guilt trip to get your ass up here)I haven't even gotten to see it through a tourist's eyes.

I need to get back to being that girl. The one who got off the subway at 42ND Street on September 29Th, looked around and saw the rest of her amazing life before her eyes. The one who couldn't get enough of the city. The one who would spend her days getting on the subway and getting off at some random stop and just exploring.

This other boring hermit version needs to go.

New (emotional) Heights.

As the Tribeca Film Festival nears, my anxiety levels get hirer (I decided to apply to be a volunteer and I got it!). I have had to actually use a calendar to manage my time. So far I only have 5 shifts, but I think that is plenty. With all of these interviews/ orientations, and not to mention doctor appointments praying I'm not dying, it's hard to keep things straight. It's thrilling but at the same time it's scaring me to death. And I know I'm going to get made fun of for this, but this is important to me. I go a little (who am I kidding, a-fucking-LOT) overboard when I get excited about something and dammit I'm excited!!

But, I will NOT get excited about boys. Even if I get that flutter in the bottom of my stomach that makes me what to vomit- I will suppress my urge to act on it. (Have you ever forgotten someone's voice and then heard it again- with all reason flying out the window and you are back being that awkward 15 year old who can't do anything but giggle? It's sad. tragically sad. I'm not admitting this has happened, per se, err. . you know what I mean!) Luckily it passed, with the help of my over active imagination (living out our entire relationship- in less that 24 hours- all the way to the damn divorce which is inevitable, right?) and two bottles of wine. I will focus only on me from now on. I need to figure out my life before I can even think about having someone else join in. I am a mess and who wants to get involved with a mess, anyway? Unless they are a mess and I don't need anymore/ anyone else's mess in my life.

I am single because a higher power knows that I need to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life before I pretend I want someone else to take care of me. Unfortunately that higher power does not believe I will be happy being just the trophy wife (much much much to my dismay!) and wants me to figure out my purpose before allowing me a blissful relationship with lots and lots of hot sex. And as much as it pisses me off, I understand better now (again, Thanks to those 2 bottles of wine this weekend). If I wasn't so upset about the results, I would be proud I learned something new about myself. Dammit.

So until then I will suppress the butterflies and work on being a nicer person.

Fun stuff Friday!

My debit card came in the mail and I can re-join the 21st century. I was becoming poor real quick. Taking $100 out at a time can do wonders on the account as you watch it plummet into sudden death. (to my defense, I don't have a bank near my apartment and every WaMu closes at 6pm- so the money just flew out of my pocket)

AND

I just found out one of my favorite bands, The Veronicas, will be going on tour with Natasha Bedingfield and Kate Voegele. They will be in New York June 25- and guess who already has her ticket?
Run, don't walk, to see if they are playing in your area! You will not be disappointed (well, you might, and that will just prove my music taste is better than yours). The last time I tried to see them, one of the girls got sick and I was stuck sitting in front row of yet another Ashlee Simpson concert but at least the security guard thought I was cute and I got a date out of it.
!

AND

My umbrella came in the mail today!! It has suppressed my urge to NEED to buy another one, but I really want a big golf one. I'm still on the look out for the perfect long one with the curved handle and little frillies around it. As much as I hate it when it rains in the city, I can't wait to use my new one!

AND


I think I'm going to ditch plans tonight, which I know I shouldn't but taking advantage of the fact that I will be the only one home all weekend is just a little too appealing than sitting in a crowded bar drinking over priced drinks and talking to guys that aren't worth my time.

AND

the bottom of my foot itches. weird, huh?

Game day

Go Yankees!!

(I'm indifferent to sports and really don't feel like getting into my distaste for them all together, but I love telling people from home I am a fan. Don't mess with a southerner and their sports much less admit you root for a northerners team. And seeing as how I see sports as a tragedy, I like to have a little fun with it)



Anywoo, I hate game days because my train is packed more than usual filled with blue and grey Yankees jerseys. Which is a plus being packed in a subway filled with testosterone has its advantages if I do say so myself. So I will brave the packed subway car if I get a date out of it. (Which has yet to happen, much to my dismay but its only the beginning of the season ;) I had lots of eye candy on the commute home, even if I was sandwiched in there.



And I HATE hate hate with a passion seeing this sign. I don't think the A-train has worked on the weekend once I moved up here. The shuttle freaks me out because they look like regular MTA buses and I'm always afraid I'm going to get lost in The Bronx. Now that's a scary thought!

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Questioning a witness.

Hi, my name is: classified

But you can call me: you majesty. your royal highness. .

Don't ever call me: an amazon (that's GLAMazon to you.), close-minded, psychotic or crazy (it's kind of like the N-word and the F-word. Only kindred spirits allowed)

My fav. color is: black and pink and brown

My high school was: a tragic endeavor that I wish not to repeat, unless I could go back as the most popular girl.

My hair is: in desperate need of a new cut and a dye job, but since I don't trust anyone in New York to cut it, I must wait a few weeks to go home and get it fixed.

My birthday is: a national holiday in my world.

My dream gift is: being bestowed with the knowledge of what I am supposed to do with the rest of my life. But an Apartment in Central Park South would work too.

When I look down I see: fishnets :-)

(Yes we have a rocking horse in our cube that wears a cowboy hat. I have been known to remove his tail and throw it at people)

If I were a character on Family Guy: I would be the commercials. I don't waste my time or energy on this.

By my fourth drink I am: drunk and ready to make out with the closest poor unsuspecting soul in my reach.

I have a hard time understanding: how New York does not have a Chick-Fil-A or a Sonic.

If you spent the night at my house: you would get woken up by the obnoxious Puerto Ricans who perch outside my window, the car alarms and the Salsa music.

The one person who can drive me nuts is: ex boyfriends and my bestest Best Friend Ever.

Most recent thing I’ve bought myself: Kat Von D inspired sunglasses

Most recent thing someone else bought me: a drink?

In the morning I: have a habit of hitting snooze too often, crying a little that I survived through the night and checking my crackberry for the weather

If I was an animal I’d be a: fish.

What’s your top friends name: A Sexy Man, that's all you need to know.

Do you get along with this person all the time: all of the time? Are you kidding me? We drive each other nuts. It's the most fucked up odd couple situation ever. But I love him :-)

How old is the person: 26 (but don't tell him I told you- he'd kill me)

Has this person ever cooked for you: ha!

Have you ever kissed this person: yes. many many times.

Are you really close to this person: he is the reason I wake up in the morning.

Could you live with this person: Been there, done that. Yes. It was the best living situation ever. I (tried to) cook. He cleaned- up after me all the time. I talked through all his annoying Tivo'd reality TV shows, he made me smoke too much. We'd go out and only have to go to one residence. We'd pass out in the driveway eating Taco Bell. I'd crawl up in bed with him. He'd kick me off the bed. I'd get drunk and beat him up with a pillow while he slept (and there is an extremely good reason for that, btw). . . It was great.

How long have you known this person: The summer before my Senior Year of High School. We were camp counselors together. He tried to pawn sweeping the gym onto me. I told him I didn't know how. He despised me and I fell in love.

Have you ever had a sleepover with this person: all the time.

If you ever moved away would you miss this person: I already did :-(. We've both moved away many times within our friendship but we will always be soulmates (and he's coming to visit soon- I will be locking him in the closet, so we won't be far away for long. don't tell him, though!)

Do you know everything about this person: Enough to blackmail when he wins the lottery.

Have you ever made something with this person: we make mischief.

Ever been in love: twice.

Believe in love at first sight: I sure think so.

What is your bed size: Queen

Do you prefer writing in pen or pencil: pencil.

What’s your favorite season: spring, but apparently New York didn't get the memo that it IS spring right now.

Favorite radio station: n/a

Coke or Pepsi: Diet Coke

Favorite subject in school: English

Last book you read: I have been inhaling Chick Lit for the past month. I just finished Can you keep a secret? and I am now reading Material Girl. And I cannot get enough of Marian Keyes. Hey! At least it isn't historical romance! THAT gets me into way too much trouble.

Do you prefer cats or dogs: dogs. Cats are the devil

What’s your dream job: Lobbyist for Phillip Morris or Trophy Wife.

What kind of car do you drive: The A-Train.

Are you a better talker or better listener: Both but if the subject is me, you're S.O.L.

What do you miss most about childhood: thinking boys have cooties.

How many times did it take you to pass your drivers test: once

How many kids do you want: 3 boys and a girl

Can you cook: if it involves the microwave

Have you been to Disney World: I LIVED in Disneyworld.

How many TRUE best friends do you have: one not including my sister

Would you rather smile over a lie or cry over the truth: Cry over the truth. Unless you know for a fact that Lucas and Peyton will not end up together on OTH- then you better lie to me.

Who’s the last person you got into a argument with: probably my best friend about becoming a flight attendant.

If you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move: London

How much do looks matter to you in a guy: Not so much, but enough. I've dated the Greek-God looking and the not so hot ones. I'd like in the middle please. Cute enough for me to feel good about myself but not ugly enough for me to feel like I'm doing him a favor.

Whats the best feeling in the world: Having an Orgasm. Hands down.

Are you close with your mom and dad: definitely but not close enough to answer the previous question honestly to their faces.

Do you tell your parents everything: enough.

What’s your favorite color to wear: black.

Who was the last person in your bedroom: me

What’s something that someone can do that really bothers you: tell me smoking is bad for me while I'm on my morning smoke break. (THAT has death wish written all over it, btw)

What are you freakishly obsessed with: atm? because I get freakishly obsessed with some thing new every 3 months or so. the current craze: my black flats, researching New York State laws on lunch breaks, libraries and parks.

What piercings do you want: I've always wanted the Vampire Kiss on my neck, but that just doesn't seem so reasonable after I hit the age of 22. I have all the ones I want anyway.

Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass or fail: pass with flying colors.

Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now: a lot of people are thinking about me right now. I'm just THAT amazing.

Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in: before and get soaked in the process. Our shower head is a tragic hot mess.

Have you ever brushed your teeth in the shower: No but it s good possibility I will be doing it soon, if it saves me a few more minutes in bed.

Your favorite sport to watch: Hockey. Although, I have not done this yet, I think I will enjoy it.

Ever had stitches: many times.

Have you ever given money to a homeless person: this past weekend

Ever run over an animal: I don't believe so

Would you kiss someone of same sex for $100: yes.

More of a coffee or alcohol drinker: Coffee. Getting drunk and staying that way is too hard in the city.

Ever thrown shoes on a telephone wire: Isn't that code for a drug dealer being close by?

Do you snore: yes. It is tragic and one of the many reasons I hate for anyone to sleep with me. Heaven help me when I get married.

What are you afraid of: stupid people

Roommate bonding.

After dinner and a few beers at the local bar/ restaurant, I think I finally made a little leeway with getting to know my roommates (our schedules are so different when they get home I'm going to bed, etc.). Bonding over youtube videos (What did we do before them?) hilarity did in fact ensue and I'm still laughing over these:

oh how I have missed you

My little crackberry was all alone at home today. I'm such a bad mom. I didn't even notice he was missing until I got all the way to work! I cancelled plans and everything just to get home to make sure he was still alive (barely).

It was a tragedy with a happy ending.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

You gave me butterflies at the mailbox

10 songs that make me happy.

1. The Bird and The Worm- The Used

2. Where do I begin- Idina Menzel

3. Breaking Dishes- Rhianna (can be interchangable with Please don't stop the music)

4. Until the End- Breaking Benjamin

5. Music is my boyfriend- CSS (don't make fun and don't judge.)

6. You should have killed me when you had the chance- A Day to Remember

7. World Hold On- Bob Sinclair

8. Stop & Stare- OneRepublic

9. So Many People- Neurosonic

10. No Air Remix


Classics (that will always rock and never get skipped over on my ipod):

1. Attack and From Yesterday- 30 Seconds to Mars

2. The Queen and I- Gym Class Heroes (can be interchangable for Clothes Off)

3. You had me at hello- A Day to Remember

4. Requiem for a Dream

5. Misery Business- Paramore

6. Hands Down- Dashboard Confessional

7. Final B- The Rent Soundtrack

8. This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race- FOB (it reminds me of the first days in New York)

9. The Sweet Escape- Gwen Stefani

10. Smooth Criminal- Michael Jackson


Weird ass songs that have found their way onto my ipod (and I'm refusing to delete because I am strangely attracted to them):

Crank dat (Spiderman dat hoe)- Soulja Boy

Vibeology- Paula Abdul

I am not that kind of trainwreck. thankyou.

I just googled "Trainwreck" (because I'm tight like that with Google. My roommates have sort of turned me on to wikipedia, but google will always be my first love) (and I do that a lot. If I'm thinking of something, my first instinct is to google. google. google. maybe I just like the word) and I have just been enlightened that the most prominent searches have to do with marijuana. I would totally screen print it and post it here. . . but I am not an advocate of smoking that, so I won't.

wow. What a blonde moment. Or maybe for the first time in my life I am hip and know he new slang term? (which has happened once. The bunny hop became popular at my college town before New Orleans and I knew the dance before it became a major craze across the land)

I am


NOT





Or just simply put- A Hot Mess.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what happens when I don't go to bed on time.

View from the top?

Do I want to be a flight attendant?

That sounds like fun. A lot more fun than I'm having now AND I get to travel.

Sorry, my roommate's cousin is one for Delta and she based out of New York so she stays with us when she has lay overs and whatnot. And she told me Delta is hiring right now and is trying her damnest to get me to apply. She has really sparked my interest- I have asked her about everything I can possibly think of to deter me from this crazy thinking but nothing has worked! (I know, the smoking. but I can wear a PATCH! I wore one on the flight to London and I did fairly well, but forgot to put one on on the flight back and that was tragic.) And I could work as much as I wanted or as little. And not only would I keep my apartment here, I would be able to fly to New Orleans whenever I wanted or anywhere else my friends have decided to live. All while making money and traveling the world in between. Then in the middle of all this fun, if I wanted to go back to school for something, I could. . .and I could even cut back on my hours and fly 2 or 3 times a month to keep the travel benefits.

But is this even smart? Have I really given fashion a chance? It hasn't even been a year and I'm already bored. I hate this. I hate having to think about what I want to do for the rest of my life. What if I don't want to do anything? What if I just want to exist? I know one day I need to settle down and find some poor soul to love me and worship me and make me pop out children, but what til then? And is it so bad not to want to have to work for my entire life? Do I HAVE to have a career? What if I don't want one? All I know is sitting in an office all day and working for the man is NOT my idea of a good time. And I know you're thinking "Damn, she REALLY needs to figure out what she wants to do with her life; she's no spring chicken. I think it's time for her to figure it out" but to my defense, I didn't have the luxury of being wishy-washy about this stuff in college. I thought I knew what I wanted to be from the time I was 16. So in those 10 years, normal people are jumping back and forth, changing majors and getting to figure it out. At this rate, I MIGHT have things figured out by the time I'm 36 but I wouldn't hold my breath.

What about a stylist for a band?! How much fun! I tease my friend when he his new band goes on tour, I am coming as his stylist and I think I can rock it. All the benefits of going on tour and not even having to be talented. He thinks I'm kidding, but just you wait! (and I know it will happen again. His last band is quite popular and he was on tour with Creed for awhile)

I feel like I have made no progress in the past year to finding what I want my life to be and I feel like the little feminist in me dies a little when I say all I want to do is find someone to love me. What if I wasn't mean to try and save the world? After all , I'm just a little girl. Maybe the world doesn't need me to save it.

It's just a new a place with the same old problems. But I don't regret moving and I don't plan on leaving. As much as I hate that I'm alone, its kind of a good thing. It forces me to get to know myself better.

UGH!
Ok. Enough of this serious crap.

black flats.

I need a good sturdy round-one pair of black flats.
I hate it when I get on these kicks. (especially when I am broke, damn you, WaMu and your fastpass debit cards)I won't be able to sleep for weeks until I get them.

And the question always remains: Is a pair of black flats worth $70? I need to justify this. I'm going to swing by Steve Madden after work, then decide. I was trying to cut out the online shopping, but I might have to make an exception.

Any ideas? Personal stylist (Andie) are you still out there?

Speak up, America.

I need a little inspiration today. So I looked to my favorite idol, Ms. Elle Woods.


Ok- so I'm having a little trouble finding a clip of her speech to Congress in Red, White and Blonde and this will have to do.

Anyway-
As if you couldn't tell, I'm a little aggravated with work. I don't know if I wasn't disciplined enough as a child or if I was just allowed to speak my mind one too many times (it might be the scary black hair or the height, but I'm going to bet that it has something to do with my boobs. They are a little intimidating if I do say so myself.), but I have this silly little notion that when someone asks "WHY" there should be a valid reason. I really wasn't aware of how many people there are in the world that just went about their daily lives doing what they were told and never asking why (or maybe they just don't have the brain power to do so. I mean it is a really hard word to pronounce). And I'm not sure if anyone is even aware but after 15 years old, when you ask why it's usually not in a smart-assery way- you general want to know. Well, at least that is MY thought process but I don't know, maybe all the smoke has gone to my head or all the drugs I did in High School have finally caught up to me.

Or maybe it's just because I haven't truly experienced Corporate America before. They really need to start forwarding me the memos.

There are so many things that happen on a daily basis that I ask why about and the closest thing I have come to getting a straight answer is "because that's how we do it" or "I don't know. Ask someone else". Wouldn't it make more sense if you had more than that to pacify your intelligent employees? Or is blondie sitting in the cubicle twirling her hair surpass your goal for employees? (ok. I twirl my hair, too. you know what I mean.) And I'm not even going to pretend like I am smart. I'm an idiot when it comes to the business of fashion. I just know how to buy it and that's why I am here- to learn. And generally when someone is trying to learn, they ask why in order to get a better perspective. But even I know that when there is no rhyme or reason to doing something that does not produce results in any way shape or form except to waste time and energy- well that is just unproductive for the company and for me (because I don't like exerting energy unless it is a life or death situation). It continues to amaze me how this truly successful company even got off the ground with the work ethic it has now (granted, I work in the online division, and it is quite new but is it that hard to get inside tips on how to run a business from its sister divisions? The first lesson needs to be Communication 101: How to write an email).

Anyway. Maybe I am better off in the government/ legal world. At least there you know why and if the answer doesn't suit you, there are ways to change it. But, do I really want to give up wearing really cute dresses to work? That's a tough one.

And I have added another video, because seriously Elle Woods' hair.
'Nuff said.

Grocery shopping in the city

I seriously just spent $50 on one bag of groceries and I thought that was an urban myth.

Grocery stores in the city are a joke. They are smaller than Rite-Aids and convenient stores in a normal city. I understand the lack of space in the city, but this is recockulous. They are usually no larger than 4 aisles wide and the shelves are filled to the brim with more crap than you can imagine. Everything is so close that it is hard to decipher the difference between anything on the shelf. Not to mention, most of it is weird ethnic food that I have never heard of and that in New Orleans you would have to go to a specialty store to acquire (I'm talking everything from kosher food to Cuban rice). I remember my first time grocery shopping in Brooklyn and literally breaking down in tears while I was on the phone with my mother because I could not figure out which salad dressing I wanted (Yes, I'm sure it had a lot to do with the fact that I had just moved 1,200 miles away from home into this strange land but I can attest that the grocery store did not help matters). It drives me crazy!! I did find a regular sized store (that isn't a Whole Foods, mind you. I will NOT be falling into that sad trend anytime soon) but it was in Brooklyn and I don't see any regular sizes stores in The Heights (if you are aware of one, please let me know asap- my sanity relies on it).

I've also come to the realization that shopping for groceries is going to have to become an every week type thing, unlike the rest of my adult days when I could go shopping once a month. It's just too hard toting a month's worth of food 2 blocks away and on my bank account apparently.

The upside to this is everything is fresh; the downside is I don't cook so that does ditty for me. Maybe it's time to learn?

Negative Nancy alert.

News flash: I'm in a terrible mood. Worse than usually, mind you. I think the best thing for you is to steer clear of me today, and this has nothing to do with being a woman. And this is not going to be entertaining at all. . . in fact you might want to just skip reading this. (or skip to the bottom)

I think my job is turning me bitter. I mean, I was miserable working in a law firm, don't get me wrong, but it was a different kind of miserable. At least there I knew I was actually doing something that effected the greater good (or bad- depends on how you look at it) but it meant something, it effected people's lives. The things I did mattered there. Even if I worked for every one of the most difficult to work for attorneys in the city of New Orleans (which I did), it was a challenge. I like challenges. I like having the people I work for respect me and the people I work with respect me for being able to do it.

Does this mean I want to be a glorified secretary again? Fuck no. To be honest, I was a terrible secretary and I really dislike working for attorneys. So, what am I saying? I don't know. I think I'm still experiencing after-shock of the quarterlife crisis and I need to re-evaluate my situation again. I was tired of caring. I thought moving into such a brainless career I would be able to stop trying to care and make a difference. I thought if I suppressed it enough it would go away and I could lead a meaningless life like the majority of society and I would be ok with it.

Apparently I am not.

In a few months if things do not improve, I think I'm going to look into this lobbyist thing some more. Maybe I really will become one for Phillip Morris and I've always wanted to live in D.C., too. Who knows?

I had a really good conversation with an ex this weekend that sort of enlightened me. He mentioned that he truly believed that I was going to succeed with everything I wanted to do and he thought I was intelligent but when I got around my sorority sisters I turned into a completely different person. It was nice to hear this, along with a few other ego-boosting comments that even after 7-ish years of knowing and loving each other we still find out new things about each other. Whoever said you cannot be friends with an ex I feel sorry for. I'm still friends with the majority of mine and I love it.


Ok- We must end on a positive note.

I just found out over the weekend I will be volunteering for the Tribeca Film Festival (how amazing! I feel it in my bones its going to be a great experience. . maybe the one I've been needing?)

AND

my BFF is coming to visit soon (he won 2 Jet Blue tickets at a raffle. . how amazing!) and I can't wait to cuddle and drive him insane with all my annoying chatter and poking!

AND

I just got some amazing black ankle boots- totally a need for spring.

YaY!

The AMC on the UWS

I feel like I'm at the Grauman Chinese Theatre in L.A. Its so greatly themed! Theme makes me happy. I even sacrificed my dignity to look like a tourist to take this pic.
The individual theaters are not stadium seating but I will forgive that.

Screw 42nd street! This is where I will be going to the show from now on.

What am I going to see you ask? Stop Loss. Besides the fact it has 2 of the most appeallingly attractive men on the planet in it, it is also the defining movie of the Phillippe-Witherspoon split (like Mr. and Mrs. Smith is to the Pitt-Aniston split- the greatest karma ever. The movie sucked and even though Ms. Jolie is an UN ambassador, she is still a homewrecker to me). I am determined not to hate it for Channing Tatum.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Drunk and Gloating

Have I told yall how much I love having a wine store down the street? No. I haven't. Because I have never taken advantage of it before now. It's amazing. Aisles and Aisles of wines and liquors. The damn liquor shop is bigger than the grocery store. Now that's what I'm talking about!
And that covers the drunken portion of this show.

On to the second act. I am gloating. (Is that even the right word? I don't know, nor do I care because I have had a half a huge bottle of my Pinot Grigio, because when I asked the guy at the store if they had Menage A Tois, they looked at me funny. . . heehee. Menage A Tois. . .I swear it's really a wine- and if I hadn't drunken so much I would link you to their website, but fuck it. You're big people, go google it.)

Ok. I might not be gloating, because as much as I would like to believe that I am a heart-less bitch that could go by the name Ice Queen (much to many ex-boyfriends' dismay) I actually am a nice person and I would never actually wish bad things on people. But damn, Karma is a BITCH. I just found out some really fucked up news last night regarding an old boss (for the sake that I know people from home are reading this, and I know as much as New Orleans would like to believe it is a big city it still has a small town mentality hence everyone knowing everyone and everyone's business, I cannot disclose anything else on this blog- but if you really want to know I will be MORE than happy to disclose over the phone! or email. . . email would be better you know how I hate the phone). I am actually still in shock over the news (which is probably why I decided drinking at home would be a good plan for night). I don't know how to take it, although I should be screaming "Be a man and use a gun next time!" after the way he treated me for all that time and after I left but I just feel sorry for him. I just feel so sorry for someone so miserable and desperate. And then my heart goes out to his children. How embarrassing. How terrible to have to live in a city where there is no living that down. See? That is why it is imperative for New Orleans to start acting like the adult city that it should be.

:-( I miss home.

And Im done.

Happiness

Is a library down the street.

Is finding a park in my neighborhood I never knew about because it's been too damn cold to go exploring.

Is Dunkin Donuts coffee.

Is reading a good book in said park with weather warm enough to be wearing a tank top.

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Houston, we have a problem.

I think the producers of CW and ABC Family got together and decided they hate me.
Or the pharmaceutical rep for Lexapro got to them, deciding I need to up my dosage because my current dosage of anti-anxiety sure as hell will not cover this.

They have decided to put all of my favorite shows (Greek, Gossip Girl and One Tree Hill) on the same night- Monday (of all friggin nights! But wait- this could be a good thing. No one does anything on Mondays and I can get my shows out of the way in one shot with some delic Chinese- but no. My anxiety cannot handle Casey/ Cappie, Serena/ Dan AND Peyton/ Lucas drama back to back to back. I need at least 24 hours to recover from each.) AND not only that, now it's all within the same 2 hour period (yes. It has now come to Greek v. Gossip Girl. This is NOT going to be pretty)

And to top it all off, I talk to different people after different shows (i.e. my sister and my GBF after Greek, One of my sorority sisters after OTH and everyone under the sun after Gossip Girl) and I don't think my ear can handle all that phone time. I will be spending the rest of the week recovering from this one shot trauma.


Note to self: Locate nearest hospital for Monday April 21st (which is the first time all three shows will have new episodes) and make sure anti-anxiety meds are refilled and easily accessible. I would also suggest finding someone with a Valium- check with the guy on corner.

I'm pleasant. Damn it!

Ouiser, you sound almost chipper. What happened today - you run over a small child or something?

- Clairee Belcher (Steel Magnolias)

I don't know why I'm in such a good mood this morning. I think it has to do with re-reading one of my favorite books, Bright Lights, Big Ass. I always laugh out loud when I read this book, which I'm sure has a lot to do with the weird looks I was getting on the train this morning. but YaY! for me, the writer will be in New York next month and I will camp out all night to be in the front row- just kidding (or am I?). The only person I have ever camped out to see was Tori Amos. (which I have been informed I will be camping out for Madonna in a few weeks- unless someone knows another way to get tickets. And my friend is not kidding. we will be sleeping on the streets of New York, he's gay and this is Madonna).

(which, btw, I went to the reading/ book signing of Jennifer Weiner for her new book, Certain Girls, and it was amazing. It was crazy to get to meet a writer! Wayy cooler than meeting a celeb because 1- the writer can actually strew a sentence together (it is their job you know) 2- the maintenance bullshit is non-existent 3- they actually spend time talking to you even if you don't work for the media. One point awarded to New York City for me being able to do that. They never go to New Orleans.)

And we are back on track.

This video made me nearly piss myself, btw. And I'm sharing the wealth. (If you don't think this is funny, you take your religion wayyyy too seriously.)


thanks to Ms. Cutler (who also has a book which makes me very very jealous that I haven't worked on capital hill. yet)

Springtime for New Yorkers

And no one knows how to act! Bryant Park was packed (this was taken after the lunch rush). The line for any take out restaurant was spilling out onto the sidewalk and I nearly had an anxiety attack in the middle of the swarms of people in Cosi's waiting for my wasabi roast beef.

It's sad the way the most sophisticated New Yorkers will act at the first sight of nice weather. But who can blame them? No wonder why they are pissed off all the time. It's Mother Nature's fault, not simply that they were raised above The Mason-Dixon line.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Dear Sunshine

HIIIIIII!!

It's so great to see you again. It has been way to long, in my opinion, since we have seen each other. I'm sure you have been really busy- I can't even imagine your social calendar! but it would be great if we made these random meetings on a more regular basis- say like every friggin day? That would be fab!

I'm not sure if anyone has mentioned this to you yet, but it seems to me you've been lacking on your job. I'm not sure if you've read your job description thoroughly or not, but I think it's safe to say that it is a requirement to make an appearance once every couple of months. I think you should work on that, mmmkay? My skin and my mental health rely on you. Please don't let me down! And I'm also not sure if you got the memo that it is indeed spring? I think that part of your contract requires you do make more appearances now than in winter. But by no means, do I want to tell you how to do your job- I mean I could NEVER do what you do day in and day out with little to no effort or complaint- I'm just trying to provide constructive criticism for your benefit.

Anyway! I'm super duper excited we had this great chat and I hope to run into you again- how does lunchtime sound?

Great!

See you then!
-NQ

New garbage cans

See? I can be observant when I want to be.
At least now I won't feel like I need a tetanus shot just looking at the public waste receptacles.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Giddiness looks like this

fingers crossed.

I have a new idea for a way to fill up my time.
I just can't say until I get it then I will jump up and down and cry from excitement. . . then realize I will be in even more debt that I have already incurred, but it will cure boredom.

Everyone needs to pray for me because he tends not to listen to me when I whine.

Thanx!!

volunteering. it couldn't hurt?

So I have decided I have way too much free time and as my grandmother always says, an idle mind is the devil's workshop. (No, my grandmother does not say that but she does tell me when I'm getting fat and that I should be more active, same thing.) SO I have decided because my dream part-time job is not available at the moment (which is to work the merchandising booth at a Broadway play and it's off-season) and I don't really know where else I would want to work, I have decided I am going to volunteer my time. I know. It's amazing, but I don't need any comments from the peanut gallery on this one, because I'm already having a hard enough time as it is figuring out what I want to do. Yes, I am going to be picky about volunteering my time (i.e. NOT getting paid when that would be ideal) because I already cannot do what I WANT to do between the hours of 9am and 6pm- I am not about to be miserable for the rest of the time I could be sleeping or smoking.

So I have ruled out volunteering with anything that involves children, animals and old people. Sorry. I'm not even going to pretend my very limited tolerance extends that far. And I don't care about the homeless, or people with STDs/ AIDS (seriously. stop. having. sex. I've done it- you can, too!) I'm not gay, but I do support my gay friends- but not enough to volunteer, hospitals smell, don't get me started on cancer and immigrants- are you kidding me? . . . anyway. I need to figure out what I am passionate about before I jump into this.

Any ideas?

The only things I seem to be interested at the moment are things that result in
. . . ME and things that directly effect me. So- I need some help.

I miss . . .

My car.

Betta Chetta Jetta would have me home by now.

I miss my car.

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

When co workers get bored

This is what I came back to after lunch and after I had peppered a co-workers desk with "inspirational" notes.

I don't think you can tell from the pic but the notes on the monitor say OMG and then there are individuals that say YOU ARE CRAZY. Apparently there are more which I'm sure I will find throughout the day, which will make a very boring Friday a little less painful.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

pre-MENstrual. via AIM

NGBF: what can i get for $1.85?
NQ: a punch in the face?
NGBF: do you think it'll buy you some midol
NGBF: bc maybe i'll forgo eating to make you more pleasant
NGBF: sacrfice myself for the good of the universe

why I will be in debt very very soon.

What did I say?
I really need to get OFF these damn mailing lists.
Mignon Faget is and always will be my weakness. And she is having a sale.

And she makes umbrellas now. and I've been wanting a good umbrella. I have embrella envy for those with the big ones with the curved handle. . . and look what she decides to sell:

Granted, it's not Burberry. or Coach. but I can rock it.

And this Serpentine Ring?! I NEED to rock that (in silver, of course).

DAMMIT!!
Who wants to buy these things for me?
please?

Premenstrual

Apparently PMS really does exist. I always thought it was an urban legend justifying bitchy behavior. Now being off of the pill (I know TMI. deal with it), I am highly aware of mine and it's kind of fun. It's like getting a sneak peek into the life of a bipolar.

And just in case I wasn't aware of my mood swings, my new GBF has thrown crumpled up post-it notes over my cubicle spelling out "TAKE", "YOUR", "MIDOL". I think it's revenge for the post-its I put all over his cube stating things like "you smell funny", "you are too gay to function" and "smile! it could always be worse". Or maybe it was me snapping that I did not want to be serenaded the entire goddamn Dirty Dancing soundtrack during my smoke break. Trust me, I am not having the time of my life.

Dear Gweedo Tourist.

I understand that the appeal of the subway stairs leads you to the uncontrollable need to want to sight see the pre-chewed gum along the handrails, the grime caked floors that haven't been cleaned since you were a child and the urine stains along the walls, but seeing as we just met, let me tell you something about me. I lack the patient gene (and my morning coffee) and I also work about an avenue and a half away from the subway- which takes about 3-5 minutes of brisk walking depending on how awake I am. I also, like to sleep in my warm bed until the very last second and then spent the rest of the morning rushing around. This is why they have express trains and this is why I need to be on the express staircase (what is an express staircase you ask? Whatever one I am on at the moment, for future reference). You, sir, need the local/ scenic staircase which is only available during the hours of 10am to noon and 2pm to 4pm.

So yes, I am going to "accidentally" kick you and flat tire you as punishment for being a dumbass as you get to the top of the staircase, stop and decide you want to look at the piss stained walls in detail. Thank you. Because of you, I got stuck behind a bus (lady, seriously, if you are that large hasn't anyone ever told you not to buy a yellow jacket?! Normally I would never make fun of your weight but you are blocking the entire sidewalk!) and Bozo (That hair color is ok on a 22 year old punk rock hipster NOT a 35 year old professional spinster, fire your stylist immediately) who insisted on walking next to each other slower than a snail because obviously when you get old and fat walking and talking at the same time is a difficult task.

You, Tweedledee and Tweedledum are obviously the reason there is a nine day waiting period to buy a gun.

Please go kill yourself now.

Sincerely.

Bringing out the big guns

I busted out the heels today. First time since I moved to the city. Hopefully I don't bust my ass in the process. Wish me luck! It's been 5 months.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Chipotle

= A-mazing
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

oh, atm. how I miss you so.

Im confused. distraught.

I didn't think this not having a debit card for a few days would be a big deal. . . until I needed money.

Now, I have to actually go INTO the bank and figure out how to do this. I can honestly say I have never had to withdrawal money any other way than through the ATM. I think I need someone to help me. Hold my hand through the whole scary talking to people face-to-face thing. It's just too overwhelming.
And now I have to carry CASH in order to make purchases (WHO does that?), because money doesn't ALREADY fly out of my pocket with a card. This is bad. very very bad. And don't even get me started on how to write a check to a store. I only write them for rent and that's to a person. This is insane to me.

How did people function before ATMs? Before Debit cards?! I am at a loss without my Gold shiny piece of plastic. I think he needs a name. Maybe that's why he's mad and decided to get lost. I swear I will be more careful with my card forever forward. This going into a bank business confuses the hell out of me.

This is actually a really good way to make yourself save money. I sure as hell am.