that feeling

you get when you get off of the subway at 42nd Street, for the first (few) times? You know, the awestruck kind of scared but wayy excited to be in such a widely known and famous place? That lil ol you could be in this amazing place? THE 42ND Street?! Where the entire universe hubs? You are there and if it were a movie, you would be the only thing in focus as cars and people and life just zoom all around you?

Yea. I miss that feeling.

For some strange reason I got it today coming back from the doctor. For months 42ND St has just been this annoying place filled with tourists getting in my way and slowing me down from getting to work. What ever happened to that exciting feeling every time I would emerge from the subway and see those big billboards? The shock and amazement that I get to see this everyday and that I actually LIVE here.

Now it's just this monotonous thing. It's just a routine. Get on overcrowded subway. Get out by elbowing. Walk down the street to big building. Go in. Sit for 8 hours. Walk back. Repeat daily. Every now and then I will think I take the subway to work. wow. but that's it because usually someone runs me over as I slow down to think about it. I have spent months perfecting averting my eyes, that I don't even look up to see anything. And it's been so long since anyone has come to visit me (yes, that is a guilt trip to get your ass up here)I haven't even gotten to see it through a tourist's eyes.

I need to get back to being that girl. The one who got off the subway at 42ND Street on September 29Th, looked around and saw the rest of her amazing life before her eyes. The one who couldn't get enough of the city. The one who would spend her days getting on the subway and getting off at some random stop and just exploring.

This other boring hermit version needs to go.