Instant Message Conversations: A Tutorial

Apparently, speaking through Instant Messenger is a fucking new things for people, so in my duty of being a good person I am going to conduct today's lesson. Pay attention closely because I am up to my goddamn neck with this bullshit and I am not above defriending your ass. I have enough friends who can carry an AIM conversation correctly, I don't need the extra annoyance.

IM conversation (for the mentally retarded who have not figured it out yet) is NOT the same thing as having a F2F (that's face to face) or even a Phone convo. Why not? Well, for starters, the tone of voice is lost through words. The delivery is lost when someone reads it and either doesn't know you well enough to understand or they just plain interpret it wrong. Need an example? If I say Fuck you when I am talking to you (in person/ on phone) and then laugh, you know I'm kidding. But if I just type Fuck you. . . you may or may not know I'm kidding (depends on how many brain cells you're working with that day; and if you're working with a lot, you should know I never joke about the word fuck). So it is quite important that you get your tone across to the other end, or there will be 10 kinds of awkward and confusion. Got that? This is usually why people use the term "lol" or make different types of smiley faces- this helps convey the typed statement in the correct fashion.

Next. (PAY FUCKING ATTENTION) When you type a sentence and in return, the recipient types "What?", "?" or asks a question about your statement, that means you did not express your thought in a comprehensible way. That means the recipient (i.e. ME!) needs you to elaborate your nitwitted statement. That does not mean you need to get frustrated because the recipient is not clairvoyant and cannot decipher stupid. That also does not mean your recipient cannot read or is dense; that does however mean you need to type in complete comprehensible sentences until you learn how to communicate properly- during which time, I highly recommend you delete your IM account and take Text Messaging off of your cell phone plan.