And so the battle begins.

Who will win the battle of under 50lb luggage and can I fit all the random crap I've acquired over the holiday into a suitcase and 2 carry-ons?

It's kind of obvious who is winning the later. Wish me luck!

Security blanket.

I don't feel right without it and I've even slept with it on. Clearly, I revert back to childhood whenever I come home.

Not a joke gift.

A hot pink stun gun. No lie. My family trusted me with this because I live in New York City. Seriously?

The fact of the matter is I'm more likely to stun myself. Clearly they don't know me very well or like me very much.

Southern Snow

(it's soap)

Right before he ran after a squirrel

My little boy is so cute. 

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Christmas threw up in my parent's living room.

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There is a bird on the train.

If it shits on me, we are going to have issues.

A present for airport security.

The perfect cure to a sad day.

Today I was uber sad for some random reason (I no longer question, I just roll with it.) So I called my sister who informed me after an earlier conversation with my niece (I told her to think of fun things to do when I'm home for Xmas vacation), she already has a laundry list of things planned (including but not limited to playing SceneIt, Monopoly and jumping on the trampoline.)

If you don't have an awesome kid in your life, I suggest buying one from China. They make life so much better.

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Was seriously judged for my reading material.

But I think it might be worth it.

Twas the night before SantaCon. . .

Magic Crack.

Benadryl.
Get. On. It.

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No wonder it snowed this morning.

I signed my soul over to Corporate America.

Again.

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A big tree.

Don't tell anyone I'm admitting this, but my city is really pretty right now. It's almost romantic. Holy Shit. I might actually be falling in love. Or I've mixed too many cold medicines. If word leaks, I'm going with the later.

Hello, Lady!

Just payin my respects.
xoxo

The Naughty List

My niece is very concerned she is on the naughty list this year. When I told her not to worry, I'm probably on it too, she said "No way, Nana, because you're the best Aunt ever."

Guess who's getting whatever she wants for Christmas?

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Third time's the charm!

I was convinced I needed to grow up and live by a calendar. Again.

This is the third time I've tried being a big girl. I get really overwhelmed with life, then I get really excited about putting it in a calendar. I feel really good about myself for scheduling things to do and proud of myself for taking the initiative to organize. Then I get really annoyed with all the reminders, turn them off and forget about them.

I will allow you to bet on how long it lasts, but just know I'm going to try really hard this time.

Overheard in the office.

My cubemate just called the cleaning lady a myopic twit because she apparently has issues with emptying his trashcan correctly.

What a great phrase I will be commandeering.

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Sunday Brunch

One step closer.

What's missing on this main page?
That's right. That dreaded Facebook app. I deleted it. It's a small step but a step forward nonetheless to stop giving a crap what other people are doing and focus on what I'm doing. I realized I was becoming addicted and it was getting in the way of other things. I didn't have the guts to delete my entire account but if this doesn't work, I'm holding y'all to make me.

Women's bathroom?

Seriously confused.

Raising the standards.

I met my version of Justin Long's character in He's just not that into you today. He made a really good point. I'm worth more than a text message. I'm worth a phone call.

We (i) need to stop getting so excited over a text message and not allow guys to cop out like that. Man up and call me or I'm not that interested in you.

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New York Marathon

Hipster style, including an awesome band (Heels on Fire- you should check them out. I'm actually planning my wedding to the drummer as we speak). Getting inspiration for the Half in March.
These runners are quite attractive which is making it easy to stand in the cold.

On my way to finding happiness

I stumbled upon the most fabulous pair of skinny jeans. I can't even begin to tell you how amazing they are, but maybe I can. I know everyone has been on that journey for the perfect pair of jeans before so I'm sure I don't have to tell you but it's an amazing feeling. It was a 2 year journey but it seems I finally found mine! YaY!

Do you even know how hard it is to find jeans that are long enough, high enough on the waist to cover a muffin top and tight enough to fit into boots for the winter? On the plus side they make my butt look amazing if I do say so myself. The best part? They are 2 sizes smaller than I've worn in years.

So I did what every sane woman would do. I bought 4 pairs :)

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Daytime Television

If I ever get around to being a properly unemployed person (let's hope it won't ever come to that though. Fingers crossed) I would like to watch Ellen more often. She makes me laugh.

Did anyone else watch today?
I learned Justin Beiber has an autobiography. No joke. He's 16. What could that book possibly say?! He's still in diapers for the love of christmas, which is very apparent by the way his pants sag. I'm just sayin.

On the plus side, I learned how to dougie. Thanks, E! I always wondered what that song was talking about.

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Life

You know that stupid saying "life is what happens while you're making other plans"? Well what if your other plans are becoming your life?

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Another plus for New York.

I'm free from fashion judgment in NYC. If I want to wear my cowboy boots with a party dress or run out in my pajamas, someone else will always trump me. I seem to forget the rest of the country isn't like this.

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Really, America?

I'm very saddened by the results of this poll. Granted, it is DC tourists answering but still. I can't even get started on how many issues I have with this.

Heard it through the grapevine.

Or I'm just under one and the blackberry sangria snuck up on me. Either way, I'm a fan of drinking.
More than usual lately.

An intimate night with Idina Menzel

We have graduated from rock concerts at the House of Blues to The Kennedy Center with every retired Virginian. Fabulous.

Marine Corps Marathon Expo

Kudos for the theming.

House of Vans

So I'm at the house of vans for their launch party. I'm not cool enough for this but i think I'm blending well.

Diesel told me it was ok.

Wakey! Wakey!

Wherefore art thou A train?

Seriously, New York?
I sing your praises for two weeks and this is how you repay me? I get it. We have a dysfunctional relationship and you are just exercising your power to make sure I hadn't forgotten but come on. 45 minutes for a train in the middle of the day? That's obnoxious.

There had better be orphan children stuck on the track because even if I have been gone awhile, I haven't lost my impatience.

And yes by telling you this I realize I will have to wait another 45 minutes but I know you will respect me for holding my ground.

I have my purple ribbon

Do you?

No spiderman sightings

Just had an informational interview in this famous building.
Good vibes.

Another pair of random shoes

These guys didn't have survival skills either.

Thanks, Rachel, for bringing this video to my attention!

Weatherbug App, you fail me.

So. It has come to my attention that I have no survival skills.

Guess who did not take cover for the tornado in Park Slope but instead decided to get on a bus to travel outdoors?

This retarded guy.

But for the record, I had NO clue the borough was under a tornado warning. What the hell is up with New Yorkers? No one mentioned it at work and I got no phone calls/ text messages. If this was in New Orleans everyone and their grandma would be buzzin. But I digress.

So from the time it took me to get onto the bus to the time it took me to get to the back of the bus, sit down, look at my phone then out the window- we were watching a tornado float by. I'm assuming that's what it was because I couldn't see out the window. It took 5 minutes then it cleared, revealing tree and debris covered roads with collapsed scaffolding.

Did I go home at this point? No. I still had no idea what just happened, so I jumped on the train and went to Union Square. By the time I got above ground, I had missed calls and text messages from people about the tornado (Sidenote: BFF, her Hubby and 2 dogs were in a bathtub, I shit you not. They didn't have time to grab their mattress but who are we kidding, we live in New York. Who's bathroom can really fit a mattress?!) but I was still oblivious. Insane, I tell you.

When I finally decided I should go home (clearly, if a tornado messed up my apartment I wanted a full stomach to deal with that) the L train platform was packed (Remember 3 years ago when Williamsburg was still up and coming and the MTA hadn't caught up with the growing masses of hipsters crowding the L train? That's what it looked like). I had to wait for 4 subways to go by before getting on one.

Come to find out, a tree had fallen on the L line tracks and everyone was rerouted. I got this scoop from one of those affected- he had taken the A train tour from Broadway Junction into Manhattan then back into Brooklyn. Lucky for him someone was selling alcohol on the train to make his over 2 hour detour that much more enjoyable. He made my ride into Brooklyn delightful. I was very sad to leave him when I decided to walk home from 2 stops out because they hadn't cleaned up all of the debris from the trees yet and the trains had no where to go.

I am very happy to report I am fine (clearly), I have power (clearly) and the Universe is out to get me (clearly). I can safely say, this cat only has about 4 lives left. Bring it.

In conclusion to the ever tale of my ridiculous life, I leave yall with some of the more entertaining tweets regarding this. Hope everyone is safe!

"Apparently we just had a tornado. I know because when I left my office, all of Park Slope was in color."

"The R train is experiencing delays due to its being transported to Oz"

"There was a tornado in Park Slope?? Lesbians - please confirm!"

Mind over Chatter.

I am pretty much in love with Rachel Maddow. She's kind of my new hero.

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Still a virgin?

I'm not a fan of guerilla advertising (mainly because I am in an advertising class right now that is the bane of my existence) and I couldn't answer that question in the manner it wishes you to in order to inquire about more information. Therefore, in order for me not to buy into their marketing someone else should tell me what this is all about.

Where did they go?

Found on W Broadway and Beach St.
I would like to think they spontaneously combusted rather than walking around the city barefoot.

Do I need a new eraser?

No.
Will I buy it anyway because it is called a Black Pearl?
Yes.
Who allowed me to run free in Staples?!

The only downfall of having a balcony connected to my room.

Or "Things my neighbors must think of me."

That girl smokes a lot.
She lives in those plaid boxers and a tank top.
Those pink crocs are obnoxious.
She should probably put a brush through her hair.

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Oh, High School.

So, I'm clearly really old. My ex-BFF's little sister who I've known since she was in diapers is going to high school this year. My exact advice?

"Dont get into too much trouble but have as much fun as you can stand ok? They tell you high school is the best time of your life, but they are lying. College is, so just hang in there. High School is the time for you to do really dumb shit so when you get to college you aren't the rookie."

I think that's the best advice I've ever given.

Laundry and other things I need to get around to doing.

I just went to Old Navy because I'm dangerously close to running out of clothes and I don't think I can schedule laundry in any time soon.

I went about two weeks with using Kleenex as toilet paper because I could not venture out of my daily route because there are not enough hours in the day.

I had a moment to go grocery shopping, but no moments to cook it. Thank god for the BFF's hubby or I'd be living off of Cliff bars and Ensure.

I do work in bed thus causing me not to sleep at night upping my daily caffeine intake to at least 4 caffeinated drinks a day.

What has my life turned into? Oh. That's right. I decided I wanted to be a designer.

Clearly, I'm dedicated. Or finally lost my mind.

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Hipster Ettiquette

Just tried to tell some guy in the elevator how Williamsburg isn't that bad, while wearing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles t-shirt and Toms shoes.

Something tells me he didn't believe me and I need to reevaluate how I dress.

Speaking of hipsters, I made a comment about them at work later to find out both the designers I work with are the definition of the term.

Clearly this is just a small example that they are permeable ninjas.

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Redonkulous Quotes.

"Never give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about"

What if I can't go a day without thinking about crack cocaine?

Some people need to rethink their redonkulous ways to make them feel better about boys. Seriously.

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My prince.

More adventures. Seriously?

Why anyone would allow me to have access to an open blade is beyond me. Requiring me to own many and carry them around is an even sillier plan.

See where I'm going with this?

Last night, some refill blades got free of their case and decided to make art on me, and when I say art I mean slice my damn leg open.

My theory is since I'm generally content with my life, the universe is determined to mess with me just for fun.

Stay tuned to see what happens tomorrow.

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Proudly batshit stupid or just a member of the cult.

This is what procrastinating homework looks like.

I present the most hilarious video about the iPhone4.

So not only did I feel stupid about buying a glass phone in the first place (in my defense, my poor little Blackberry is about to bite the dust. It costs the same to get a new blackberry as to switch to the iPhone, so I just did it), this video makes me feel like an even bigger idiot.

The subject of guppies.

BFF: So, I want guppies and I want to mate them because they have live births.

Me: What does that mean?

BFF: It means when the female guppy is pregnant, instead of laying eggs, it just shits out like 100 babies, then the male guppy eats them.

Me: Well, wouldn't you take the daddy guppy out so he doesn't eat the babies?

BFF: Nope. I believe in Darwinism.

Magnet for insanity.

I don't know what the fuck is wrong with my chi, but seriously. I leave my apartment and crazies come out of the woodwork.

As I was walking to the bus, a crazy jumped out of a doorway, threw a bottle which hit the girl in front of me and spit at us.

Really?! Who else does this shit happen to?
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More fun stuff or things I haven't wanted to talk about, part 2.

So, the other day. I was pissed because I was trying to go to yoga at my gym, but once I got there realized they don't have yoga in the summer. Apparently my gym believes people are spiritually sound in the summer all of a sudden. Anyway. I decided I was going to play Mario at my BFF's house (did I mention my BFF moved to NYC? Yea and she lived with me for a whole month. That was a fun month. I should have documented our adventures, but I'm sure there will be more).

There I am on the train rediscovering how awesome my 90s playlist is, when I see this man. I got a creepy vibe from him, but went along jamming to my music. I mean, let's just be honest, how many times a day do you get a creepy vibe from someone on the street in New York? Then, he moved to stand right next to where I was sitting, which I thought was a little strange because the subway doors open on the opposite side, but whatever. I'm still jamming.

One stop before the one I'm supposed to get off, I feel a tap on my shoulder. Assuming he touched me on accident, I look up fully prepared to tell him it's ok, when he has this weird look in his eye. It took me a minute to focus but when I did, his PENIS WAS TWO INCHES FROM MY FACE. Did you get that? TWO INCHES. I could smell the penis (again, let's be honest, we all know what penis smells like) THAT'S how close.

So, I screamed, which is the worst possible thing you can do. These sickos get off on that. It would have been better if I said something like "Wow. That's really small" or "That STD looks like it hurts". If I was really good, I would have pulled out my camera and this post would look more like this or at least sprayed it with pepper-spray. but no. I wasn't thinking clearly because who EXPECTS TO SEE SOMETHING LIKE THAT? Everyone on the train looked at me like I was crazy and the man ran into the next car. No one saw what happened (of course. This is New York) but a lady and her husband convinced me to call the police (we were above ground).

As we pulled up to my stop, all of the police officers and MTA workers were conveniently on the opposite end of the train and I watched the guy jump into the train that was across the platform. Even better, the train pulled off right away. I gave an accurate description of the man and the police said they were going to try to catch him at the next stop but I doubt it happened.

I had always heard of this, sort of as an urban legend type thing, but now I can safely say, yes it does happen. FYI, in case anyone has the urge to pull their penis out in the subway, it's a crime punishable by a year in jail.

Things I haven't really wanted to talk about. Part 1

I think I'm going to go ahead and put this at the top of the new list as to why I'm an even bigger (if that could be possible) holy hot mess.

Abusive Relationships.

I'm not going to lie, I judged them. It's just common sense: Boy abuses (in whatever sense of the word) you= you leave. duh. It wasn't until I caught myself in one of these that I realized how not so easy it is.

These people are bad bad people. I believe it's a trait that cannot be learned, but instead something you are born with. It's like a manipulating gene that exists inside them that they don't even know exists sometimes but use it to their advantage to every possible degree. I don't even know how to properly explain how they mind fuck you, but it happens. It's like silent frat boy hazing. They know better than to start off trying to break you down. A strong independent person would catch on right away. Instead, they go about it in the most covert sneaking through the backdoor psych-ops manner (seriously, the military could take some pointers from these mental terrorists). You're left with the rug pulled out from underneath you with your world turned upside down- and most of the time you have no idea any of this just happened. Then, it's all over. You're stuck because you think there is no one else out there that could possibly love you so you put up with it over and over.

Now, luckily I have a very smart friend who recognized the signs and made me realize (much to my dismay) what was happening. For many, they aren't so lucky and they never do realize that their world was flipped. It even took me a hot minute to allow myself to see the situation for what it was and I feel like that's saying something. A girl who always has one foot on the ground in relationships to fall for this?! I'm still completely baffled at how I allowed it to happen. I'm baffled and angry. Mainly, angry at myself.

Why am I sharing all this? I guess just to make you aware. Aware of the silent mental terrorist who feed off of vulnerable women so you don't become one, too. And yea, I thought it could never happen to me, too. Don't be prideful, just be careful.

Happy Birthday, Lady!

We visited you yesterday to wish you a fabulous 234th birthday. You look great for your age!
Today we stood on the roof of K-Mart to watch the Macy's fireworks. Weird eurotrash people below us shot fireworks towards us eventually catching their neighbor's tree on fire (no lie.) It was quite fun and very American.
Happy Day!
xoxo
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True story

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World's best Nana no more.

Apparently you're not supposed to give kids chocolate right before bed?
Is it wrong of me to think it's kind of funny as she bounces off the wall?
Opps.
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1 to go.

Another quarter down, another collection of final projects.
Amazingly, my stress level wasn't nearly as bad as previous ones even with designing an entire portfolio.
Wish me luck on finding an internship asap so I can graduate on time.

Next stop: NOLA.
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The little things.

Yup.
I'm 28 years old and I got myself a Shrek watch from Mcdonalds and put it on the second I got it, just like all the other kids.
Don't be jealous. I'm sure you can still get one, too.
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The scene of the crime.

I fell.
Like really face planted, wasn't sure if anything was broken, couldn't move and in immense pain for a good 5 minutes.
I don't know if yall are aware of my irrational fear of falling but this kind of was the epitome example of why.
I know its a metaphor but I'm not quite sure for what yet.
Falling in love? Falling Apart? Skipping Steps?
You be the judge.
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Tweet off.

I'm thinking about joining the world of Twitter. Why? Because I have a lot of random thoughts that are just too ridiculous not to remember. They happen too often to put on facebook (don't want to turn into THAT girl) but too insignificant to make a blog post about. And sometimes a lot too personal for it not to be anonymous.

This is probably where the voice of reason should tell me to keep it to myself or invest in a smaller journal.
Thoughts?
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Why must every gay bar smell the same?

No offense.
Just sayin.
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Blue Valentine

In my experience, the prettier a girl is the more nuts she is.

Which makes you insane.

I really really want to see this, now even more.

That line makes the movie for me.

Who has a party on a Monday night?!

Guess I won't be getting much sleep tonight (or any night this summer really). Curse you douchebag hipsters and your rooftop parties.
Brooklyn, that is your only downfall.
(But I will say, at least in this neighborhood, the music is in english and no one is screaming like banshees.)
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Paying homage.

Thanks, girl.
You know I love ya.
Til next time.
xoxo
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[music] You saved my life once [well, more than once]

Seriously. Give me a piano and I'm a happy girl.

Wakey!Wakey! is my new favorite. I haven't found a song I don't like yet.

Wakey!Wakey! - Light Outside from VsTheBrain on Vimeo.

Brooklyn and Almost Everything rock, too.

somedays you just need a reminder.

I will not care about boys.

I will not care about boys.

I will not care about boys.

I will not care about boys.

I will not care about boys.

I will not care about boys.

I will not care about boys.

I will not care about boys.

I will not care about boys.

I will not care about boys.

I will not care about boys.

I will not care about boys.

I will not care about boys.

I will not care about boys.

I will not care about boys.

I will not care about boys.

I will not care about boys.

A battle wound.

There are reasons why high maintenance princesses don't cook and this is one of them.
You bet your ass I will be bitching about this blister for weeks.
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Gotham Girl Roller Derby.

Do it.
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Google Translator.

Congrats, Marketing/ Design Team

Your packaging made me buy your water. Give yourself a raise.
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Dear Lady Liberty,

I remember someone telling me every time they saw you, if it was a good day, you were smiling at them. If it was a bad day, you were flicking them off. The first time I lived in Brooklyn and I had to see you everyday I took this to heart.
Today, I have come to flick you off. Quit being such a Tuesday to me and my friend. All we want is to live and be merry.
Thank you.

xoxo

ps- this will be a reoccurring visit if you don't wise up.
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My morning thus far.

I no longer have the capacity of words to describe my life. So I'm going to use pictures.

My morning resembled Hiroshima. Too much before 9am. seriously.

(ps- this is NOT another psychical attack on my life. Just my brain)

Strike Two

Seriously?!

Why am I always at the wrong place at the wrong time? Please stop trying to kill me, Universe. I have shit to do. No more Time Square (the first time I go there in months, someone wants to blow it up. Not only that. I got lucky enough to be in the theatre they refused to evacuate and wouldn't let anyone leave. Fun Times.) and apparently I'm not supposed to see the Space Exhibit at the Museum of Natural History.

So, that's strike two and I'm concerned strike three won't allow me to update y'all on my rediculousness. My happy ass will gladly stay in Brooklyn. Goodbye, Anything above 14th Street. It was nice knowing you.

Thank you, LES. My sentiments exactly.

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WoW

Need some right now. That's all I'm saying
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How many inners do you have?

I am currently reading The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. I have decided to take that journey into my creativity and I highly recommend it to anyone. Before I go, I was just wondering, how many inners do you have?

So far I have my inner artist, my inner child, my inner goddess, my ego, my alter ego, my subconscious (and not to mention my personal favorites, my inner goth and my inner sorority girl)

It's a wonder I don't suffer from D.I.D. for the love of Christmas!

(Dissociative Identity Disorder is the new term for Multiple Personality Disorder, fyi.)
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Need a last minute Mother's Day Present?

Just wanted to share some info on a special promo running Mother's Day Weekend for our Gossip Girl and Sex & the City Tours: Moms go free with the purchase of another ticket. Details here.

Or enter the contest. It's closing soon!

To vent or not to vent

I would like to take this opportunity to vent about guys but unfortunately I just can't bring myself to do it publicly.
But I will say:
G0dkngglfl#@'!! Those are some frustrating creatures.
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We are not friends, Mr. Green Monster.

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I only have 6 cigarettes in a pack I opened last night.

For $200, Alex.
Why the option of smoking indoors while drinking is a bad plan.
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Pretty sure it was a compliment.

"You're a Gino's philly cheese steak wit da works"
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The Beast.

Anyone ever marry the person they get the crazies for? I'm talking:

"Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love."

-Sex and the City

". . .that can't-eat, can't-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over- the-fence, world-series kind of stuff. "

- It takes two

You know what I'm talking about. The feelings that are all consuming can't function correctly seriously close to feeling insane stuff? Or do those feelings inevitably change?

Just checking.

Ex-Girlfriends never lie.

You can find out a lot about a guy just by finding out how he and his ex broke up without even getting that many details. These words of wisdom were bestowed on me and I decided to share. The more I think about it, the more I agree.

Another tidbit? People will always find ways to show you who they really are. It's up to you to decide if you want to see it.

And sometimes? I really hate advice.

Feeling down?

Watch Lady Gaga's Bad Romance video.

It always does the trick for me!

Have you checked out my contest yet? You shoulddd

More responsibilty. Just what I need.

I went out last night and came home with someone.
Isn't he cute?
I was very drunk last night so we didn't do much talking. But this morning I found out his name is Gilbert Sans.
He seems great so far.
Stay tuned.
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