Friday, July 16, 2010

More fun stuff or things I haven't wanted to talk about, part 2.

So, the other day. I was pissed because I was trying to go to yoga at my gym, but once I got there realized they don't have yoga in the summer. Apparently my gym believes people are spiritually sound in the summer all of a sudden. Anyway. I decided I was going to play Mario at my BFF's house (did I mention my BFF moved to NYC? Yea and she lived with me for a whole month. That was a fun month. I should have documented our adventures, but I'm sure there will be more).

There I am on the train rediscovering how awesome my 90s playlist is, when I see this man. I got a creepy vibe from him, but went along jamming to my music. I mean, let's just be honest, how many times a day do you get a creepy vibe from someone on the street in New York? Then, he moved to stand right next to where I was sitting, which I thought was a little strange because the subway doors open on the opposite side, but whatever. I'm still jamming.

One stop before the one I'm supposed to get off, I feel a tap on my shoulder. Assuming he touched me on accident, I look up fully prepared to tell him it's ok, when he has this weird look in his eye. It took me a minute to focus but when I did, his PENIS WAS TWO INCHES FROM MY FACE. Did you get that? TWO INCHES. I could smell the penis (again, let's be honest, we all know what penis smells like) THAT'S how close.

So, I screamed, which is the worst possible thing you can do. These sickos get off on that. It would have been better if I said something like "Wow. That's really small" or "That STD looks like it hurts". If I was really good, I would have pulled out my camera and this post would look more like this or at least sprayed it with pepper-spray. but no. I wasn't thinking clearly because who EXPECTS TO SEE SOMETHING LIKE THAT? Everyone on the train looked at me like I was crazy and the man ran into the next car. No one saw what happened (of course. This is New York) but a lady and her husband convinced me to call the police (we were above ground).

As we pulled up to my stop, all of the police officers and MTA workers were conveniently on the opposite end of the train and I watched the guy jump into the train that was across the platform. Even better, the train pulled off right away. I gave an accurate description of the man and the police said they were going to try to catch him at the next stop but I doubt it happened.

I had always heard of this, sort of as an urban legend type thing, but now I can safely say, yes it does happen. FYI, in case anyone has the urge to pull their penis out in the subway, it's a crime punishable by a year in jail.


Red said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I saw a penis earlier this year. Welcome to the club lady! The subway is full of crazies.

.Nicotine.Queen. said...

Seeing a penis and having one shoved in your face are two different things!