You've got mail. sike!

Since having all of my email addresses added to my blackberry, I get extremely excited whenever that red lil light comes on to tell me someone is thinking of me. Which is so great- and which is also one of the many reasons I enjoy my addiction to my crackberry. The biggest downfall? One of my email addresses gets an ungodly amount of spam and chain letters from "friends". So I get extremely excited only for a huge let down (which if anyone has any ideas on how to fix this- besides de-friending the persons, I threaten and they never listen) so in honor of retarded pointless emails I am sharing my favorite of them all, courtesy of my mother.

To all my friends, thanks to you sending me chain letters in 2007:

I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it’s good for removing toilet stains.

I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.

I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer or Alzheimer.

I don’t leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.

I no longer accept packages from UPS or FedEx since they might be Al Quada in disguise.

I no longer get real "hugs" anymore because these pesky little bears keep giving me hugs via the net.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer look at the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Nieman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

I stopped consuming several foods for fear that the estrogens they contain may turn me gay.

I also stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because they are nothing other than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers that are bred in a lab.

I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.

I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account, a sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. Funny that girl, she's been 7 since 1993...

I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I made expecting the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when participated in their special e-mail program. My Erickson phone never arrived and neither did the passes for a paid vacation to Disney land.

But I am positive that all this is the cause of a stinking chain that I broke or forgot to follow and I got a curse from hell.

IMPORTANT NOTE: If you send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will crap on you today at 7pm.

Also, have I mentioned in my next lifetime I want to be Avril?
seriously.