Because I don't have cell phone service underground

Since the R train took it's sweet ass time coming to pick me up this afternoon, I gained a lot of material for my latest blog. Rock out.

So, I haven't really been documenting my encounters in the subways- but seriously. It's the best and worst part of New York thus far. Some of the things I see daily is just so insane, I think my mind blocks them out (i.e. a homeless man's penis on Thanksgiving morning. yea. I can't make this shit up) but I am going to try and remember more often and document them on my blackberry for later.

Setting: 36th St. waiting for the damn R.

Observances made the time go by faster (while listening to my angry music getting reacquainted with my dinosaur of an ipod):
* Asshat spots a Trojan (unopened sealed in package)on the ground. Asshat points out to friends. Asshat then proceeds to kick it onto the tracks. What's wrong with this picture? Well, one he is a male and should have picked it up and put it in his pocket (ok kidding. *note to self*: always use your own condoms. Who knows where he is getting them from) but alas asshat turns and I see his face. No wonder he doesn't know what to do with a perfectly good condom. Ass.hat. and secondly, two words. track fires. (you know, which is probably the reason the damn R is taking so long) These things really do happen (according to New Yorkers, I personally have never seen it but then again I am not an observant subway rider, except when the damn R train takes so long) I mean who doesn't read the same advertisements on every train that asks you to not do this (because MTA is serious about safety- your safety)? I read the signs every time I get on the train (which is probably why I don't have any friends but that's besides the point)so why can't this asshat?

*Express stops are survival of the fittest. . . elbows. I still have not mastered the stance I need to take when I am not trying to jump on the train waiting in the station (instead waiting for the damn R train)- I try pretending like I am an invisible tree but they don't get it. I have seriously had Grandmas knock me out of the way to make sure they get on the train. And just forget about chivalry or gentlemen. When it comes to getting on the train, damsels in distress be damned. But today, it was quite humorous to be observing and knowing the M train wasn't going anywhere soon. It had been sitting there for 10 f.n minutes.

*Looking into the moat of water that has accumulated on the tracks, I am reminded why New Yorkers don't get sick as often as they should. Riding the subway is the vaccine of all vaccines. They are exposed to every disease and chemical known (and unknown) to man in their daily commutes their bodies are immune to pretty much everything but cancer. It's insane.

And now I am settling down with my take out Chinese* (like a true New Yorker) to watch my new favorite show (which I am four years late on this fad- but what's new?) One Tree Hill! YaY!

*sidenote:
while I waited in the Chinese restaurant they have "Trailer Park" in the gumball machine. I really wanted to spend the 50 cents to get one! Maybe if I keep this up I might collect all 12! I really want Moo-moo mama and Commando Carl.