my legs are on fya

There is a REASON the 181 subway stop has an escalator. For smokers like me. About half way up the goddamn not working "moving staircase" my legs went numb, my heart was pounding in my ears and I couldn't breathe. Seriously?! I've been drinking, people, and I'm in heels.
Holy christ I can't feel my legs

Sham. Rock.

Happy Excuse to Drink day! And as a properly trained sorority girl (actually I just enjoy any excuse to dress up), I am decked out in green. AND I broke out a pair of heels this morning. Granted, its not any of the 4 inch stiletto Steve Maddens that were mailed to me (yes, we had a staring contest this weekend. So far, they are winning but one day I am going to be a brave soul and rock them on the streets of New York, but until I have a desire to break my neck, they win the battle- but not the war) but its a clunky boot that gives me about of inch of self confidence. I forgot how much self confidence a woman gets from wearing heels.


and WHY does New York City have a stinkin parade on a Monday in the middle of the day? That right there is intelligently challenged if I do say so myself. Please please take a clue from my hometown (New Orleans)- parades are better suited on the weekend, where you can drink unrestricted and enjoy a parade (and a good ol fashion crawfish boil with some abita beer. mmmm. That right there is enough to make me want to go home- crawfish season). Even though the entire city spent the weekend on a pub crawl, its still a weak substitute and you should be ashamed of yourself. Screw pub crawls, you have the Uptown Parade on Saturday to enjoy with your crazy college friends on Magazine Street and then you have the family orientated parade on Sunday in Metairie. And Abita beer. 'Nuff said.

Anyway, I hope everyone enjoys this day. I think Im going to lay off the beer and have apple martinis at my neighborhood bar with the hot bartender. Wish me luck!

Alert the media!

I went out BOTH nights of the weekend. And by out, I mean until the wee hours of the morning that I have not seen awake since college.

AND

I took a cab (which btw, when it is 4:30 in the morning and you are trying to hail a cab from 125th, lets just say that does not look good. The cab driver- who obviously had too many energy drinks- will ask you "What are you doing in this neighborhood? Did you get some good drugs?" nice.)

stupid people

annoy me. And Im not talking about the idiots in the world that walk too slow on the sidewalk or the ones voting for Obama or McCain (which I will get to at a later date)Im talking about the people with IQs that are double digits- you know who Im talking about. I had a sorority sister that I could only stomach to talk to about the color pink and how hot fraternity guys are- anything else was beyond her interpretation. And she beat me in the presidential election. Goes to show you what kind of sorority sisters I had. . but I digress.

And its not like these people don't know they are dumb. They will tell you they are, but they continue to do things to annoy you. . like ask questions that are common knowledge (The sky is blue? really? how do you know that? Cars have wheels? really?)which then frustrates you to no end. I know Im not the brightest crayon in the box (on multiple occasions) but these people make my brain hurt and they would be the first I would like to kill for sport when that becomes legal.

Yea, I work at the stupid people flagship.

one more thing.

36. I want to be proposed to on the steps of The Met. . .at lunchtime. . surrounded by all kinds of people, with my friends and family hidden in the crowd until I said yes. . . I know. It's a commercial but thats what I want.

Anyone watch Quarterlife?
Eric is my dream husband right now. I want someone JUST like him.
Please deliver him to me.
Thanks!

quarterlife - part 20

Elle for president!!

Since we were discussing this at work. I thought I would share.
Favorite Resse Witherspoon quotes (as in Legally Blonde, Legally Blonde and Sweet Home Alabama.)

which reminds me of college. When my boyfriend was trying to explain me to people he would say "She's like Resse Witherspoon- more Legally Blonde with a touch of Sweet home Alabama.

Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed.

Oh, I like your outfit too, except when I dress up as a frigid bitch, I try not to look so constipated.

I once had to judge a tighty-whitey contest for Lambda Kappa Pi. Trust me, I can handle anything.

I feel comfortable using legal jargon in everyday life.
I object.

She could use some mascara and some serious highlights, but she's not completely unfortunate looking.

It has come to my attention that the maintenance staff is switching our toilet paper from Charmin... to generic. All those opposed to chafing, please say "Aye".

For that matter, any masturbatory emissions, where the sperm is clearly not seeking an egg, could be termed reckless abandonment.

But if I'm going to have my own law firm by the time I'm 30, I need a boyfriend who's not such a complete bonehead.
(Legally Blonde)

____________________________________
Hello, Patriots! I don't think I've been this excited since Gucci became a publicly-traded company.

This is just like CSpan, except I'm not bored.

So speak up, America. Speak up for the home of the brave. Speak up for the land of the free gift with purchase. Speak up, America!

I didn't know I could be this happy without incurring credit card debt!

Ughhh. All day long I felt like white open-toed shoes after Labor Day.
(Legally Blonde 2)

_________________________________
Look at you, you have a baby... In a bar.

What do you want to be married to me for, anyhow?
So I can kiss you anytime I want.

Well, for starters, you can get your stubborn ass down here and give me a divorce.
I never fully understood that expression, but no, I am not "shitting" you.

The truth is I gave my heart away a long time ago, my whole heart, and I never really got it back.

You expect me to tell you look good? What, did they run out of soap at the Piggly Wiggly since I left?

Like I could tip a cow BY MYSELF!

Just a guess: The words *joint checking* are flashing in your head right now.

People need a passport to come down here.
(sweet home alabama)

breaking news!

I think my left calf is bigger than my right.
seriously.
My boot keeps falling down on my left leg but it stays positioned on my right.

And if I drop dead soon, it is because the poisonous red dye that has been staining my hands from my silly putty has seeped into my blood stream.

Oh!-
Anyone know the asshat's name who suggested day light savings time?
My foot would like to schedule a meeting with his head.