1-2 Go. Ready? Break!

Ok. Seeing as everyone thinks I am this amazing outgoing entertaining person (that's also beautiful and intelligent) I've decided I am going to let you all in on a little secret.

I'm not.

Pretty good act, though. Right?!

Anyway. Im sitting here in my newly cleaned and rearranged room and I'm scared. Scared to death. For the past couple of months I've enjoyed being in my room, alone. I like being alone. I like myself. a lot. I don't, however, like things that are outside of this wonderful little world. And I have come to the conclusion this is not healthy. I am in a new city with new opportunities and a chance to make new friends and I don't want to. I want to sit in my room and read. Or watch youtube videos. Or rearrange my sock drawer- anything to allow me to stay in a room where I don't have to deal with feeling awkward. Well, I've always known it wasn't healthy but I was waiting for the perfect opportunity to break out.

And it looks like tonight is the night (that is, if this headache I have and the fact its a torrential downpour outside don't intervene). I was invited to a Housewarming party in Gramercy (which is another thing- thats 160 blocks away!! ahh!). And Im forcing myself to go (with this little sidetrack of course). I have already called my Jimney Cricket and he told me I had to go (along with making me scream I'm Hot! and mean it. Gotta love my gays!) so I'm going to suck it up and leave my comfortable bed to socialize with people I dont know.
God help me.

Besides my Silly Putty

This has been entertaining me.

AND thanks to that ^. . . this too:


The all-knowing Oracle of Starbucks Behold the Oracle's wisdom:

Personality type: Clueless

You don't go to Starbucks much; when you do you just tag along with other people since you have nothing better to do. You would like to order a Tazo Chai Crème but don't know how to pronounce it. Most people who drink Caramel macchiato are strippers.

Also drinks: Wine coolers
Can also be found at: The mall

She's out of luck and out of hope and out of cigarettes

yeah my baby's pretty as a car crash
sexy as the stinger of a hornet in your arm
just another modern swinger
screaming catch me if you can with a cigarette in hand
and it’s love
its heavy and it hurts and its love
(Modern Swinger- The Pink Spiders)

I am extremely sad that I will not be attending this amazing concert tonight due to my lack of self confidence to attend a rock concert by myself. And I doubt I will be going to the movies again anytime soon since discovering this.

So much for trying to make new friends in the city.


And to make my daily productivity even more minuscule, I bought the best stress ball substitute ever. I seriously should be the poster child for procrastination, adult ADHD and recockulousness- all rolled into one. Look what I've been doing:

And my Easter collage is not coming along as easily as I thought it would. I cant come up with a good color scheme and I cannot justify buying a $5 magazine for the sole purpose of cutting it up.

And Im really enjoying The Sweet Escape by Gwennie right now on my old skool ipod ( I am rockin the dinosaur, I felt like I needed to give him some love for transferring all my data onto Coeus). I’ve listened to it three times and I think I have perfected my cubicle dance to it. When I put on my skullcandies (since they cover the majority of my head), I feel invisible thus making me want to break out dancing and singing. I have received many ims regarding my lack of talent for singing (apparently the block outside noise so I cant tell how loud I’m singing either).

This is my favorite part of the song (it makes me giggle):

Cause I've been acting like sour milk fell on the floor
It's your fault you didn't shut the refrigerator
Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold

And it has totally just hit me this is my theme song for the moment.

BUT that phone call I was telling the world about yesterday? Totally the smartest thing I have done in a long time (Thanks Goober for the advice!) and hopefully the feeling I had afterwards was not a fluke. I hope this was the missing link to the reasons for why I’ve been feeling the way I have for the past 4 years. I felt so much better for confronting an elephant in the room and I didn’t realize I held so much resentment for its presence. And with confronting this it also felt like a huge weight was lifted, maybe it will be strong enough to lift this iron wall I’ve put up and maybe one day I will be able to have healthy relationships (I would put an again right here but to be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever had one!) Now Im emotionally drained and ready for a nap.

And considering Im all over the place in this entry, I should end the torture now.

NQ(1:59 PM): im always right that doesnt mean im the brightest crayon in the box.

The EIGHTH wonder of the world.

and it is definitely not a man, according to that cheesy K. Locke song.

Effin Bed Bath and effin Beyond DELIVERS.
How A-mazing.

Have I mentioned I live in the greatest city in the world? (for the moment)

Last night after a friend and I did not win lottery tickets to Wicked I decided to scope out the BBB and make a list of all the things I needed so I could come back this weekend (which I was supposed to do last week, but I decided my bed needing some TLC was more appealing than going out in the cold) with my trusty little cart (and look like the biggest asshat on the Upper West Side)

Sorry. I got side tracked. Someone pointed out my name plate was missing and I had to threaten people’s lives with eight plastic forks to get it back.

But anyway, I went there with the intention of looking because there was no way in hell I was toting anything larger than my purse uptown in the middle of rush hour. And in this moment of looking around, I came to the realization I am not now and nor will I ever be domesticated- type (surprise surprise). I was overwhelmed and distraught over picking out plastic bins that no one will probably ever see, for chrissake! Forget decorating a home people, I have way too much anxiety and there are way too many choices. My heart cannot handle the extra stress. So, there was a nice (way too short for me to date but acceptable looking) man who cracked a joke about making decisions and inquired about what I was looking for (and for the first time in a long time, I sensed flirting! This is what happens when I distance myself from the gay mafia. Baby steps, people, baby steps). This ingenious man was the one who informed me about the shipping phenomenon. (Thank you, Mr. Cutie- I should totally post a missed connection on craigslist, but you are too short. I am sorry) So now instead of bowling in the way chic Port Authority (yes, there is a bowling alley in Port Authority and yes, it is quite awesome) and instead of exploring downtown on a date, I will be waiting for my delivery of recockulously constructed plastic bins to organize my gigantorous room, where I will probably work on my Easter collage and jam out with Coeus.

But I also have to make a very emotionally stressful phone call, hopefully being the closure I need to regain emotional health, and I am not really one for the feelings talk, so I might have to procrastinate that (for let’s say, another 4 years would be good).

Anyway, now that I have jumped on the bandwagon of delivery service, I thought why not check out Fresh Direct and get even more L-A-Z-Y when my grocery store is 7 blocks away? Did I mention it is semi-uphill? What about the fact they don’t sell salt-n-pepper shakers? Those are good reasons, right?

If I have a heart attack tonight. . .

Please blame it on American politics.

And to be more specific, campaign season.

And the winner is. . .

I finally came up with a name of my new favorite thing in the entire world (I swear I'm not materialistic, I just get slightly attached.)
From this day forward my new macbook will now be called Coeus. And I am pronouncing it "Co-us", so get it right when you are referring to him, he is quite sensitive as to his name. It took me a good 2 weeks to come up with it.

Which, all this Greek mythology research in finding the perfect name has sparked my interest in it yet again. Any recommendations regarding good books on this subject or websites?

In the Heights

It's not just a Broadway Musical, people.

I went out tonight.
And by out I mean the bar 20 steps away from my front door.
I would like to state for the record, living this close to a bar is amazing.
And by amazing, I mean dangerous.

I think I am making Martini Mondays apart of regularly scheduled programming.