Weatherbug App, you fail me.

So. It has come to my attention that I have no survival skills.

Guess who did not take cover for the tornado in Park Slope but instead decided to get on a bus to travel outdoors?

This retarded guy.

But for the record, I had NO clue the borough was under a tornado warning. What the hell is up with New Yorkers? No one mentioned it at work and I got no phone calls/ text messages. If this was in New Orleans everyone and their grandma would be buzzin. But I digress.

So from the time it took me to get onto the bus to the time it took me to get to the back of the bus, sit down, look at my phone then out the window- we were watching a tornado float by. I'm assuming that's what it was because I couldn't see out the window. It took 5 minutes then it cleared, revealing tree and debris covered roads with collapsed scaffolding.

Did I go home at this point? No. I still had no idea what just happened, so I jumped on the train and went to Union Square. By the time I got above ground, I had missed calls and text messages from people about the tornado (Sidenote: BFF, her Hubby and 2 dogs were in a bathtub, I shit you not. They didn't have time to grab their mattress but who are we kidding, we live in New York. Who's bathroom can really fit a mattress?!) but I was still oblivious. Insane, I tell you.

When I finally decided I should go home (clearly, if a tornado messed up my apartment I wanted a full stomach to deal with that) the L train platform was packed (Remember 3 years ago when Williamsburg was still up and coming and the MTA hadn't caught up with the growing masses of hipsters crowding the L train? That's what it looked like). I had to wait for 4 subways to go by before getting on one.

Come to find out, a tree had fallen on the L line tracks and everyone was rerouted. I got this scoop from one of those affected- he had taken the A train tour from Broadway Junction into Manhattan then back into Brooklyn. Lucky for him someone was selling alcohol on the train to make his over 2 hour detour that much more enjoyable. He made my ride into Brooklyn delightful. I was very sad to leave him when I decided to walk home from 2 stops out because they hadn't cleaned up all of the debris from the trees yet and the trains had no where to go.

I am very happy to report I am fine (clearly), I have power (clearly) and the Universe is out to get me (clearly). I can safely say, this cat only has about 4 lives left. Bring it.

In conclusion to the ever tale of my ridiculous life, I leave yall with some of the more entertaining tweets regarding this. Hope everyone is safe!

"Apparently we just had a tornado. I know because when I left my office, all of Park Slope was in color."

"The R train is experiencing delays due to its being transported to Oz"

"There was a tornado in Park Slope?? Lesbians - please confirm!"