~* The Nicotine Queen *~

New day.

2011-04-05T20:22:00.001-04:00

Want to continue this love affair?

Click here.

I've moved.

Here we go again.

2011-03-26T21:48:00.001-04:00

The good news is I figured out what I do wrong.

The bad news is I haven't figured out how to stop doing it.

When will I ever learn?!

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Confessions of an art director.

2011-03-18T12:03:00.000-04:00

Anything can be fixed with a gradient and a drop shadow.

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Who wants to take me?

2011-03-08T15:04:00.001-05:00

I promise to clean up nicely and not embarrass you by calling Meb, "Web".
(sidenote I accidentally misread his name when I first heard of him and he has been Web to me ever since especially when I repeat "run like web" in my head during my long runs.)
Anyway.
Please?

I'm Aquarius. My sign is my weakness.

2011-03-01T17:37:00.001-05:00

The only paragraph that matters is the second to last and it explains so much.

Clearly I need to think of better things to do when we have downtime at work than visit the studio guy who has a file of horoscopes.

Daily dose.

2011-02-28T10:47:00.000-05:00

;)

My co-workers know me so well.

2011-02-25T09:48:00.001-05:00

Do you have a Chipotle near you?

Spend a minute and a half watching this and then you get a buy one get one free coupon.

Guess what I'm having for lunch today?

My next significant other.

2011-02-24T09:58:00.001-05:00

My race is less than a month away and I'm already dreaming of the one after that (and after that and after that. . .) which means I need to figure out how I'm going to train on my own. I love the team, but fundraising stresses me out too much. Funny, I thought the running 13.1 miles would.

So I've come up with a solution. I need to date someone who lives within walking distance of central park, who may or may not be training for a triathlon (why? Idk. All I know is its really sexy when the cyclists zoom past me in such a sleek and sexy manner. It gives me motivation)

New Yorkers totally date based on location so now I'm defining mine. Sounds reasonable enough, right?

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Dear fellow smoker,

2011-02-23T16:35:00.001-05:00

I was going to talk to you when you came outside because it seems we are on a similar schedule and you're kind of cute. I thought better of it when you started spitting like a mad man. I know you see me because I'm standing a foot away from you in a leopard print coat. What the hell is wrong with you?
Seriously.

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My life at random.

2011-02-21T00:09:00.001-05:00

Party last night for a benefit to dancing under a disco ball at some club in the meatpacking district before we end the night at The Empire State Building.
Fine.
I live kind of an amazing life.

I hate gym people.

2011-02-17T18:55:00.001-05:00

Ugh.
I'm training for a half marathon.
I trump you.
And i'm hungry and cranky.
Go away.

End rant.

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Another way to look at fundraising.

2011-02-16T21:40:00.002-05:00

God love him.

Fred: I think this is the closest you've ever come to actual prostitution. You are doing strenuous physical activity for money.

To the right.

2011-02-15T15:53:00.002-05:00

I have figured it out!

If I'm in your blog reader, you should go to my actual page and check out the link on the right because I'm awesome and it only took me (literally) years to figure out how to link something on my page.Then while you're there checking out how awesome I look in workout gear, you should donate. Every little bit counts. I know it's an overused saying, but it's true. Just go with it.

I promise baby Jesus will love you more.

Even though I hate this holiday,

2011-02-14T21:58:00.000-05:00

and told him not to, I still came to work and found these waiting for me.
He's good.

Vision impairments.

2011-02-14T18:49:00.000-05:00

It is now almost 7pm and I can finally see. It made walking 10 blocks back to work more interesting along with doing research for images.

Besides the fun questions due to the use of indoor sunglasses. "Late night last night?" No, I'm actually on LSD right now, my pupils are huge and you look like a dragon.

Remind me never to schedule an eye doctor appointment for lunch ever again.

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Pick an identity and go with it already.

2011-02-13T21:03:00.001-05:00

Seriously.

Where can I sign up?

2011-02-13T14:04:00.001-05:00

What are you doing this weekend?

2011-02-10T17:24:00.001-05:00

39 days.

2011-02-09T11:25:00.002-05:00

My Half Marathon is 39 days away and I'm really far from my fundraising goal.

I debated about putting it up on my blog, but whatev. I'm getting really nervous now.

If you help donate, you can see pictures of me (for the 3 people who read this and don't know me personally. haha!) and check out the blog I have over there about running. If you want to be an even bigger sweetheart, you could link it to your blog if you want or have one. Every little bit helps and it's going to a really good cause. Not only are you helping cancer research, but you're also helping me quit smoking.

Is that enough incentive?

Don't make me pull out the puppy dog eyes, people. It will not be pretty.

Medal Envy

2011-02-09T10:10:00.002-05:00

Setting: After a phone call talking about running with Fred, he set me pictures of his newest medal and last year's Rock-n-Roll Mardi Gras Marathon (which is happening again this weekend and I wish I could be there for)

Me: I have Medal Envy.

Fred: It's like penis envy, but harder.

An emojo convo

2011-02-06T18:53:00.002-05:00

Dearest darlingest momsy and popsicle,

2011-02-04T10:46:00.001-05:00

I would like to take this moment to thank you. Without you, today would not be as special as it is. I love you both with all my heart and could not have asked for better people to raise me. Thank you for making today possible and helping me grow into the person I have become.

With that being said, although I am super proud and amazed at your ability to grasp modern technology, it is still not appropriate to text message your oldest daughter happy birthday.

Just sayin.
xoxo

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Addicted, I tell you.

2011-02-02T16:19:00.000-05:00

So I've been bummed all week that I won't get to run the race in Brooklyn this weekend due to a wedding I will be attending. Not even the thought of an open bar and cute groomsmen helped ease the sadness of having to wait another week to get another bib number.

BUT I just found out the hotel we are staying at has a gym.
YaY! I feel better.

My next thought? WHO IS THIS PERSON?!

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He.

2011-01-30T19:04:00.002-05:00

He sets an alarm every morning just to tell me I'm beautiful.

He serenades me through skype.

He tells me when I'm being stupid, childish, or grumpy.

He asked to be my Valentine over a month early just to make sure no one else would.

He also lives half a country away.

This will not end well.

Carb loading.

2011-01-28T13:50:00.000-05:00

Not that it stopped me before, but it's always nice to have an excuse to eat pizza often.

Office Party

2011-01-26T19:15:00.001-05:00

"I wanna sex you up" should never be a song played.
Just sayin.

1 of the handfuls.

2011-01-24T09:58:00.000-05:00

I just got finished making fun of my friend for wearing 2 pairs of pants all winter season. And this is what I get. Guess who's rockin half her closet and a small animal on her body today?

Waiting.

2011-01-22T15:32:00.000-05:00

Stylish Blogger Award.

2011-01-21T09:34:00.004-05:00

So Rachel gave me this fabulous award and seeing as it was days ago, I probably don't deserve it. But here it goes. 7 Things about me.

1. I love my job. I love what I get to do everyday. I love the people I work with. I love the location. I never thought I would get to say that. It's kind of mind blowing for me. I never thought I'd get to be that person and I'm so amazed I achieved it. I wish I could share the wealth and have more people doing what they love because it's an amazing feeling.

2. On that note, I love running. Another thing I never thought I would say. Even though I hate that my knees kill me after, I still love it. When they say running is all mental, I fully believe it. It's a great feeling knowing I'm mentally strong enough to accomplish this. It's just frustrating waiting for my body to catch up.

3. I hate my handwriting. I used to have such pretty handwriting when I was paying attention and writing it carefully. But when I'm not it's just so messy. I need to work on that. Everything is so digital that it's not something someone does everyday anymore. That's kind of sad if you think about it. I heard a rumor they might take out learning script in schools. That makes me even more sad. What is this world coming to?

4. I am brutal to headphones. I have at least 5 pairs of skullcandy earbuds and I am constantly mailing them back (lifetime warranty!) because I have no idea what I do to them but they always break. I think I need to start using my big DJ headphones but I don't think I'm cool enough for that.

5. My feet sweat a lot. Clearly I'm running out of things about me yall haven't already heard or figured out. This fact was just brought to my attention due to all the running I've been doing but it's always been that way I just never paid attention. It's kind of annoying but whatever. I discovered wool socks (as apposed to the dry-fit ones) and I'm kind of in love. If they weren't $14 a friggin PAIR, I'd wear them all the time.

6. On the note of socks, I purposely mismatch them. Why? I don't know. It entertains me while I'm folding laundry. Plus it makes life easier when you lose one.

7. I just discovered how convenient redbox is and it made last weekend being couch ridden (damn you, knees!), that much more awesome. I finally saw Sex and The City 2, Easy A and Going the Distance, all for $3! I think I might go rent Despicable Me in preparation for Saturday's 6-7 miler. Clearly I haven't been to the movies in a longggg time. But can you blame me with the bedbug epidemic?

Whew. That was kind of hard but YaY! Now you know more about me and my exciting life.

If you are reading this please please please consider yourself stylish and consider this me giving it to you. I'm not sure who is still reading or even still blogging so don't be offended, I'm not being lazy (or maybe I am), just do it!

Yogatone, my ass.

2011-01-17T18:48:00.000-05:00

There was absolutely nothing yoga going on in that class. I left a lot less mentally sound than when I got there. That is false advertising, people.

There was a schizophrenic aerobic instructor that involved a ball, a step, and weights. I said oh hell no. I know my coordination skills and they do not extend to that. Me hurting myself and not getting to run my Half flashed before my eyes, so I stayed grounded. I finished the class but I won't be making that mistake again.

As I train on my off days in the gym, I'm slowly noticing gym people and runners are two completely different breeds of animal. I might be crazy for training in the winter but at least I dont need to take double my anxiety medication afterwards. Lord have mercy.

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Why I'm going to the gym.

2011-01-17T17:00:00.001-05:00

That and I'm bored out of my mind. A 3 day weekend is great but I don't know what to do with myself if I'm not super busy.

Finish lines, medals and smoking. Oh My!

2011-01-16T13:22:00.003-05:00

I'm infatuated with running.

I know. Did you ever think you'd hear that come from me? I'm in as much shock as you are and so are my knees. I'm having such a great time doing it with Team in Training that I've become obsessed. I think I was spoiled with being back for only a week from the holidays, I ran my first 5 mile race. That finish line is addicting, people. I think they lace it with crack. It's such an amazing feeling. I can't even explain it. The fact that I'm in a better mood and my ass looks even better in my skinny jeans doesn't hurt either.

For instance, today I am looking up Half Marathons I can run after my big New York Half in March (that is assuming I am going to ever get back to walking normally. I did 6 miles yesterday and I'm just able to get off of the couch today.) I promised Fred last year I would be able to do the Disneyworld Half this year and seeing as I wasn't trained yet, I didn't rock it. But next year- I will get that Donald Duck medal! We are even talking about the Half in Disneyland, too. Of course, we cannot forget about the Crescent City Classic. It's a 10K but I feel that it's a right of passage for every New Orleanian to do once, so I think I'm going home for that. There are just so many to chose from. . . The Philly Rock-n-Roll Half? Rhode Island? So many races, so little funds.

Yes, I see the big pink elephant in the room and I will now address it. Yes, I'm still smoking (please don't tell any of my teammates. We are raising money for cancer for goodness sake! It's blood cancer, but still) but I have cut back tremendously. I can't smoke before I work out, so I have to leave adequate amount of time for that, so that cuts back a lot, especially since I've been training almost every night of the week. For example, Saturday morning I woke up at 7am but did not have my first cigarette until 1pm. Damn impressive, if you ask me. So, I guess I might as well admit, I'm thinking about stopping (notice, I said stop not quit). Don't get all excited and supportive yet (That never makes me feel better so save your congratulations for my running), you better believe if it continues not to interfere, I will still have my victory cigarette.

So, where does that leave this blog? I know I don't talk about smoking that often here, but it's still in the name. Maybe I'll have to change the name, but that thought scares me more than not smoking. We shall see. For now, I'm going to try to keep my running talk to a minimum. I am documenting it all on my Fundraising page. For those who want to keep up with it and/or donate, email me and I can send you the link.

Til then, stay tuned.

The only downfall of working in Union Square.

2011-01-12T14:16:00.001-05:00

All the shopping.

In this silence, I believe.

2011-01-12T09:19:00.004-05:00

Guess who's going to see this amazing lady tonight?

And because this puts me in such a good mood, I will give New York some love. Thanks for never disappointing me in the concert department. As long as the show doesn't get cancelled due to all this snow- Thanks. You make my heart happy.

I ran a 5K last night, so lets hope I stay awake long enough to enjoy this amazing opportunity.

In a google search, I found this amazing music mash up (I don't know how to link it in, so if you have a second you should click over there.) Trent, Sarah and Snap? Holy Awesome 90s, Batman!

I'm active like that.

2011-01-07T20:41:00.001-05:00

Forgot to mention I'm training for the NYC Half Marathon. Along the way, we will be participating in races. This is my first one. More on this later (if I haven't died half way down the course.)

Flattery will get you everywhere.

2011-01-07T15:25:00.001-05:00

On days when I feel like all I do is recycle other people's designs, it's nice to hear that other designers in the office talk positively about me and my work.

Im awesome.
(ps- have y'all heard that song yet? It's funny. YouTube it.)

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The corner of 23rd and hell

2011-01-06T13:11:00.001-05:00

But it's so pretty.

Disaster waiting to happen

2011-01-04T13:35:00.001-05:00

Who wants to place bets I use the regular blue pen on my tablet by the end of the day?

My favorite kissable lip enhancers.

2011-01-02T20:29:00.001-05:00

What? They were having a sale.

2010

2011-01-02T00:15:00.003-05:00

Even though my 2010 wasn't that bad, this is still really (true) funny.

A sweet start.

2011-01-01T04:57:00.001-05:00

Happy New Year!

And so the battle begins.

2010-12-31T12:10:00.001-05:00

Who will win the battle of under 50lb luggage and can I fit all the random crap I've acquired over the holiday into a suitcase and 2 carry-ons?

It's kind of obvious who is winning the later. Wish me luck!

Security blanket.

2010-12-29T23:40:00.001-05:00

I don't feel right without it and I've even slept with it on. Clearly, I revert back to childhood whenever I come home.

Not a joke gift.

2010-12-26T00:25:00.001-05:00

A hot pink stun gun. No lie. My family trusted me with this because I live in New York City. Seriously?

The fact of the matter is I'm more likely to stun myself. Clearly they don't know me very well or like me very much.

Southern Snow

2010-12-25T11:44:00.001-05:00

(it's soap)

Right before he ran after a squirrel

2010-12-22T21:37:00.001-05:00

My little boy is so cute.

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Christmas threw up in my parent's living room.

2010-12-18T15:56:00.001-05:00

Sent from my iPhone

There is a bird on the train.

2010-12-17T11:44:00.001-05:00

If it shits on me, we are going to have issues.

A present for airport security.

2010-12-17T10:35:00.001-05:00

The perfect cure to a sad day.

2010-12-14T18:39:00.000-05:00

Today I was uber sad for some random reason (I no longer question, I just roll with it.) So I called my sister who informed me after an earlier conversation with my niece (I told her to think of fun things to do when I'm home for Xmas vacation), she already has a laundry list of things planned (including but not limited to playing SceneIt, Monopoly and jumping on the trampoline.)

If you don't have an awesome kid in your life, I suggest buying one from China. They make life so much better.

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Was seriously judged for my reading material.

2010-12-13T16:31:00.000-05:00

But I think it might be worth it.

Twas the night before SantaCon. . .

2010-12-10T20:04:00.000-05:00

Magic Crack.

2010-12-07T13:50:00.000-05:00

Benadryl.
Get. On. It.

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No wonder it snowed this morning.

2010-12-06T22:41:00.000-05:00

I signed my soul over to Corporate America.

Again.

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A big tree.

2010-12-05T22:52:00.000-05:00

Don't tell anyone I'm admitting this, but my city is really pretty right now. It's almost romantic. Holy Shit. I might actually be falling in love. Or I've mixed too many cold medicines. If word leaks, I'm going with the later.

Hello, Lady!

2010-12-05T17:42:00.000-05:00

Just payin my respects.
xoxo

The Naughty List

2010-11-28T01:29:00.000-05:00

My niece is very concerned she is on the naughty list this year. When I told her not to worry, I'm probably on it too, she said "No way, Nana, because you're the best Aunt ever."

Guess who's getting whatever she wants for Christmas?

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Third time's the charm!

2010-11-26T23:57:00.000-05:00

I was convinced I needed to grow up and live by a calendar. Again.

This is the third time I've tried being a big girl. I get really overwhelmed with life, then I get really excited about putting it in a calendar. I feel really good about myself for scheduling things to do and proud of myself for taking the initiative to organize. Then I get really annoyed with all the reminders, turn them off and forget about them.

I will allow you to bet on how long it lasts, but just know I'm going to try really hard this time.

Overheard in the office.

2010-11-23T09:47:00.001-05:00

My cubemate just called the cleaning lady a myopic twit because she apparently has issues with emptying his trashcan correctly.

What a great phrase I will be commandeering.

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Sunday Brunch

2010-11-21T14:47:00.000-05:00

One step closer.

2010-11-13T10:14:00.000-05:00

What's missing on this main page?
That's right. That dreaded Facebook app. I deleted it. It's a small step but a step forward nonetheless to stop giving a crap what other people are doing and focus on what I'm doing. I realized I was becoming addicted and it was getting in the way of other things. I didn't have the guts to delete my entire account but if this doesn't work, I'm holding y'all to make me.

Women's bathroom?

2010-11-07T23:40:00.000-05:00

Seriously confused.

Raising the standards.

2010-11-07T22:11:00.000-05:00

I met my version of Justin Long's character in He's just not that into you today. He made a really good point. I'm worth more than a text message. I'm worth a phone call.

We (i) need to stop getting so excited over a text message and not allow guys to cop out like that. Man up and call me or I'm not that interested in you.

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New York Marathon

2010-11-07T11:08:00.000-05:00

Hipster style, including an awesome band (Heels on Fire- you should check them out. I'm actually planning my wedding to the drummer as we speak). Getting inspiration for the Half in March.
These runners are quite attractive which is making it easy to stand in the cold.

On my way to finding happiness

2010-11-06T13:35:00.000-04:00

I stumbled upon the most fabulous pair of skinny jeans. I can't even begin to tell you how amazing they are, but maybe I can. I know everyone has been on that journey for the perfect pair of jeans before so I'm sure I don't have to tell you but it's an amazing feeling. It was a 2 year journey but it seems I finally found mine! YaY!

Do you even know how hard it is to find jeans that are long enough, high enough on the waist to cover a muffin top and tight enough to fit into boots for the winter? On the plus side they make my butt look amazing if I do say so myself. The best part? They are 2 sizes smaller than I've worn in years.

So I did what every sane woman would do. I bought 4 pairs :)

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Daytime Television

2010-11-03T21:11:00.001-04:00

If I ever get around to being a properly unemployed person (let's hope it won't ever come to that though. Fingers crossed) I would like to watch Ellen more often. She makes me laugh.

Did anyone else watch today?
I learned Justin Beiber has an autobiography. No joke. He's 16. What could that book possibly say?! He's still in diapers for the love of christmas, which is very apparent by the way his pants sag. I'm just sayin.

On the plus side, I learned how to dougie. Thanks, E! I always wondered what that song was talking about.

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Life

2010-11-03T14:19:00.000-04:00

You know that stupid saying "life is what happens while you're making other plans"? Well what if your other plans are becoming your life?

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Another plus for New York.

2010-11-02T17:59:00.001-04:00

I'm free from fashion judgment in NYC. If I want to wear my cowboy boots with a party dress or run out in my pajamas, someone else will always trump me. I seem to forget the rest of the country isn't like this.

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Really, America?

2010-11-01T15:41:00.000-04:00

I'm very saddened by the results of this poll. Granted, it is DC tourists answering but still. I can't even get started on how many issues I have with this.

Heard it through the grapevine.

2010-10-31T21:53:00.000-04:00

Or I'm just under one and the blackberry sangria snuck up on me. Either way, I'm a fan of drinking.
More than usual lately.

An intimate night with Idina Menzel

2010-10-31T11:23:00.001-04:00

We have graduated from rock concerts at the House of Blues to The Kennedy Center with every retired Virginian. Fabulous.

Marine Corps Marathon Expo

2010-10-30T19:44:00.001-04:00

Kudos for the theming.

House of Vans

2010-10-28T21:31:00.000-04:00

So I'm at the house of vans for their launch party. I'm not cool enough for this but i think I'm blending well.

Diesel told me it was ok.

2010-10-28T10:02:00.000-04:00

Wakey! Wakey!

2010-10-24T17:24:00.000-04:00

Wherefore art thou A train?

2010-10-20T15:31:00.000-04:00

Seriously, New York?
I sing your praises for two weeks and this is how you repay me? I get it. We have a dysfunctional relationship and you are just exercising your power to make sure I hadn't forgotten but come on. 45 minutes for a train in the middle of the day? That's obnoxious.

There had better be orphan children stuck on the track because even if I have been gone awhile, I haven't lost my impatience.

And yes by telling you this I realize I will have to wait another 45 minutes but I know you will respect me for holding my ground.

I have my purple ribbon

2010-10-20T14:37:00.000-04:00

Do you?

No spiderman sightings

2010-09-29T11:04:00.001-04:00

Just had an informational interview in this famous building.
Good vibes.

Another pair of random shoes

2010-09-26T01:32:00.001-04:00

These guys didn't have survival skills either.

2010-09-18T15:23:00.003-04:00

Thanks, Rachel, for bringing this video to my attention!

Weatherbug App, you fail me.

2010-09-16T21:43:00.004-04:00

So. It has come to my attention that I have no survival skills.

Guess who did not take cover for the tornado in Park Slope but instead decided to get on a bus to travel outdoors?

This retarded guy.

But for the record, I had NO clue the borough was under a tornado warning. What the hell is up with New Yorkers? No one mentioned it at work and I got no phone calls/ text messages. If this was in New Orleans everyone and their grandma would be buzzin. But I digress.

So from the time it took me to get onto the bus to the time it took me to get to the back of the bus, sit down, look at my phone then out the window- we were watching a tornado float by. I'm assuming that's what it was because I couldn't see out the window. It took 5 minutes then it cleared, revealing tree and debris covered roads with collapsed scaffolding.

Did I go home at this point? No. I still had no idea what just happened, so I jumped on the train and went to Union Square. By the time I got above ground, I had missed calls and text messages from people about the tornado (Sidenote: BFF, her Hubby and 2 dogs were in a bathtub, I shit you not. They didn't have time to grab their mattress but who are we kidding, we live in New York. Who's bathroom can really fit a mattress?!) but I was still oblivious. Insane, I tell you.

When I finally decided I should go home (clearly, if a tornado messed up my apartment I wanted a full stomach to deal with that) the L train platform was packed (Remember 3 years ago when Williamsburg was still up and coming and the MTA hadn't caught up with the growing masses of hipsters crowding the L train? That's what it looked like). I had to wait for 4 subways to go by before getting on one.

Come to find out, a tree had fallen on the L line tracks and everyone was rerouted. I got this scoop from one of those affected- he had taken the A train tour from Broadway Junction into Manhattan then back into Brooklyn. Lucky for him someone was selling alcohol on the train to make his over 2 hour detour that much more enjoyable. He made my ride into Brooklyn delightful. I was very sad to leave him when I decided to walk home from 2 stops out because they hadn't cleaned up all of the debris from the trees yet and the trains had no where to go.

I am very happy to report I am fine (clearly), I have power (clearly) and the Universe is out to get me (clearly). I can safely say, this cat only has about 4 lives left. Bring it.

In conclusion to the ever tale of my ridiculous life, I leave yall with some of the more entertaining tweets regarding this. Hope everyone is safe!

"Apparently we just had a tornado. I know because when I left my office, all of Park Slope was in color."

"The R train is experiencing delays due to its being transported to Oz"

"There was a tornado in Park Slope?? Lesbians - please confirm!"

Mind over Chatter.

2010-09-09T21:15:00.000-04:00

I am pretty much in love with Rachel Maddow. She's kind of my new hero.

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Still a virgin?

2010-08-31T21:32:00.000-04:00

I'm not a fan of guerilla advertising (mainly because I am in an advertising class right now that is the bane of my existence) and I couldn't answer that question in the manner it wishes you to in order to inquire about more information. Therefore, in order for me not to buy into their marketing someone else should tell me what this is all about.

Where did they go?

2010-08-31T21:26:00.000-04:00

Found on W Broadway and Beach St.
I would like to think they spontaneously combusted rather than walking around the city barefoot.

Do I need a new eraser?

2010-08-22T15:20:00.000-04:00

No.
Will I buy it anyway because it is called a Black Pearl?
Yes.
Who allowed me to run free in Staples?!

The only downfall of having a balcony connected to my room.

2010-08-14T12:48:00.000-04:00

Or "Things my neighbors must think of me."

That girl smokes a lot.
She lives in those plaid boxers and a tank top.
Those pink crocs are obnoxious.
She should probably put a brush through her hair.

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Oh, High School.

2010-08-10T22:42:00.004-04:00

So, I'm clearly really old. My ex-BFF's little sister who I've known since she was in diapers is going to high school this year. My exact advice?

"Dont get into too much trouble but have as much fun as you can stand ok? They tell you high school is the best time of your life, but they are lying. College is, so just hang in there. High School is the time for you to do really dumb shit so when you get to college you aren't the rookie."

I think that's the best advice I've ever given.

Laundry and other things I need to get around to doing.

2010-08-05T20:03:00.001-04:00

I just went to Old Navy because I'm dangerously close to running out of clothes and I don't think I can schedule laundry in any time soon.

I went about two weeks with using Kleenex as toilet paper because I could not venture out of my daily route because there are not enough hours in the day.

I had a moment to go grocery shopping, but no moments to cook it. Thank god for the BFF's hubby or I'd be living off of Cliff bars and Ensure.

I do work in bed thus causing me not to sleep at night upping my daily caffeine intake to at least 4 caffeinated drinks a day.

What has my life turned into? Oh. That's right. I decided I wanted to be a designer.

Clearly, I'm dedicated. Or finally lost my mind.

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Hipster Ettiquette

2010-08-03T20:01:00.000-04:00

Just tried to tell some guy in the elevator how Williamsburg isn't that bad, while wearing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles t-shirt and Toms shoes.

Something tells me he didn't believe me and I need to reevaluate how I dress.

Speaking of hipsters, I made a comment about them at work later to find out both the designers I work with are the definition of the term.

Clearly this is just a small example that they are permeable ninjas.

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Redonkulous Quotes.

2010-07-27T12:14:00.001-04:00

"Never give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about"

What if I can't go a day without thinking about crack cocaine?

Some people need to rethink their redonkulous ways to make them feel better about boys. Seriously.

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My prince.

2010-07-24T01:36:00.000-04:00

More adventures. Seriously?

2010-07-21T18:39:00.001-04:00

Why anyone would allow me to have access to an open blade is beyond me. Requiring me to own many and carry them around is an even sillier plan.

See where I'm going with this?

Last night, some refill blades got free of their case and decided to make art on me, and when I say art I mean slice my damn leg open.

My theory is since I'm generally content with my life, the universe is determined to mess with me just for fun.

Stay tuned to see what happens tomorrow.

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Proudly batshit stupid or just a member of the cult.

2010-07-18T23:18:00.003-04:00

This is what procrastinating homework looks like.

I present the most hilarious video about the iPhone4.

So not only did I feel stupid about buying a glass phone in the first place (in my defense, my poor little Blackberry is about to bite the dust. It costs the same to get a new blackberry as to switch to the iPhone, so I just did it), this video makes me feel like an even bigger idiot.

The subject of guppies.

2010-07-18T22:40:00.003-04:00

BFF: So, I want guppies and I want to mate them because they have live births.
Me: What does that mean?
BFF: It means when the female guppy is pregnant, instead of laying eggs, it just shits out like 100 babies, then the male guppy eats them.
Me: Well, wouldn't you take the daddy guppy out so he doesn't eat the babies?
BFF: Nope. I believe in Darwinism.

Magnet for insanity.

2010-07-16T11:51:00.000-04:00

I don't know what the fuck is wrong with my chi, but seriously. I leave my apartment and crazies come out of the woodwork.

As I was walking to the bus, a crazy jumped out of a doorway, threw a bottle which hit the girl in front of me and spit at us.

Really?! Who else does this shit happen to?
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More fun stuff or things I haven't wanted to talk about, part 2.

2010-07-16T10:45:00.003-04:00

So, the other day. I was pissed because I was trying to go to yoga at my gym, but once I got there realized they don't have yoga in the summer. Apparently my gym believes people are spiritually sound in the summer all of a sudden. Anyway. I decided I was going to play Mario at my BFF's house (did I mention my BFF moved to NYC? Yea and she lived with me for a whole month. That was a fun month. I should have documented our adventures, but I'm sure there will be more).

There I am on the train rediscovering how awesome my 90s playlist is, when I see this man. I got a creepy vibe from him, but went along jamming to my music. I mean, let's just be honest, how many times a day do you get a creepy vibe from someone on the street in New York? Then, he moved to stand right next to where I was sitting, which I thought was a little strange because the subway doors open on the opposite side, but whatever. I'm still jamming.

One stop before the one I'm supposed to get off, I feel a tap on my shoulder. Assuming he touched me on accident, I look up fully prepared to tell him it's ok, when he has this weird look in his eye. It took me a minute to focus but when I did, his PENIS WAS TWO INCHES FROM MY FACE. Did you get that? TWO INCHES. I could smell the penis (again, let's be honest, we all know what penis smells like) THAT'S how close.

So, I screamed, which is the worst possible thing you can do. These sickos get off on that. It would have been better if I said something like "Wow. That's really small" or "That STD looks like it hurts". If I was really good, I would have pulled out my camera and this post would look more like this or at least sprayed it with pepper-spray. but no. I wasn't thinking clearly because who EXPECTS TO SEE SOMETHING LIKE THAT? Everyone on the train looked at me like I was crazy and the man ran into the next car. No one saw what happened (of course. This is New York) but a lady and her husband convinced me to call the police (we were above ground).

As we pulled up to my stop, all of the police officers and MTA workers were conveniently on the opposite end of the train and I watched the guy jump into the train that was across the platform. Even better, the train pulled off right away. I gave an accurate description of the man and the police said they were going to try to catch him at the next stop but I doubt it happened.

I had always heard of this, sort of as an urban legend type thing, but now I can safely say, yes it does happen. FYI, in case anyone has the urge to pull their penis out in the subway, it's a crime punishable by a year in jail.

Things I haven't really wanted to talk about. Part 1

2010-07-15T20:24:00.005-04:00

I think I'm going to go ahead and put this at the top of the new list as to why I'm an even bigger (if that could be possible) holy hot mess.

Abusive Relationships.

I'm not going to lie, I judged them. It's just common sense: Boy abuses (in whatever sense of the word) you= you leave. duh. It wasn't until I caught myself in one of these that I realized how not so easy it is.

These people are bad bad people. I believe it's a trait that cannot be learned, but instead something you are born with. It's like a manipulating gene that exists inside them that they don't even know exists sometimes but use it to their advantage to every possible degree. I don't even know how to properly explain how they mind fuck you, but it happens. It's like silent frat boy hazing. They know better than to start off trying to break you down. A strong independent person would catch on right away. Instead, they go about it in the most covert sneaking through the backdoor psych-ops manner (seriously, the military could take some pointers from these mental terrorists). You're left with the rug pulled out from underneath you with your world turned upside down- and most of the time you have no idea any of this just happened. Then, it's all over. You're stuck because you think there is no one else out there that could possibly love you so you put up with it over and over.

Now, luckily I have a very smart friend who recognized the signs and made me realize (much to my dismay) what was happening. For many, they aren't so lucky and they never do realize that their world was flipped. It even took me a hot minute to allow myself to see the situation for what it was and I feel like that's saying something. A girl who always has one foot on the ground in relationships to fall for this?! I'm still completely baffled at how I allowed it to happen. I'm baffled and angry. Mainly, angry at myself.

Why am I sharing all this? I guess just to make you aware. Aware of the silent mental terrorist who feed off of vulnerable women so you don't become one, too. And yea, I thought it could never happen to me, too. Don't be prideful, just be careful.

Happy Birthday, Lady!

2010-07-04T22:28:00.000-04:00

We visited you yesterday to wish you a fabulous 234th birthday. You look great for your age!
Today we stood on the roof of K-Mart to watch the Macy's fireworks. Weird eurotrash people below us shot fireworks towards us eventually catching their neighbor's tree on fire (no lie.) It was quite fun and very American.
Happy Day!
xoxo
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True story

2010-07-01T19:04:00.000-04:00

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World's best Nana no more.

2010-06-18T22:22:00.000-04:00

Apparently you're not supposed to give kids chocolate right before bed?
Is it wrong of me to think it's kind of funny as she bounces off the wall?
Opps.
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