Friday, November 28, 2008

This is not working for me.

This day is going to suck. (yes, I have to work. Technically, I'm in "retail" and retail does not close on Black Friday) I don't remember it sucking this bad last year. Midtown is a ghost town and I feel like I'm the only jackass out of bed.

The fact that I have a date to see Twilight directly after work is my only saving grace.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Wild Turkey Day

(I stole that from the sistas, but I can't link on my BB)

Even though this is my first year partaking in the festivities of pre-thanksgiving fun, I'm over it.

Crowded bars, not for me.
And I decided to go out on the UWS where the damn Macy fucking balloons are (they blew them up at 3pm today) and nearly got arrested 3 times trying to cross the street.

I would like my bed. Please.
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No, it's not scrubs.

A co worker just took her life in her hands and commented that she liked my late Halloween costume as a nurse. I am not in a nurse's outfit, mind you (but I will admit now that you mention it, it could look like it). No one has ever been crazy enough to say something like that to me; I'm usually the one to be tellin them.

It definitely shocked me into a better mood though.
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Suggestions on things not to ask me about New York.

Let's get a few things straight when you ask me about New York.
Yes, it's fucking expensive as hell to live here. Get over it and stop acting like you've never heard that one before- have you been living under a rock? This is the center of the universe and there are quite a few significant differences from your podunk town. My rent is more than yours plus your bills, your car note and insurance combined. That's just the way it is. You probably can't afford to live here anyway (I know I sure as fuck can't). I'm pretty sure it's out of your range if that shocked gasp tells me anything and I'm tired of hearing it. Quit asking me how much apartments are here- there is an abundance of resources for you to find out if you really cared. It's NEW YORK FUCKING CITY, people. Not Kansas!

If you ask me again how to get a job here, I'm going to personally call your mother and tell her she should have had an abortion. How the fuck do you get a job anywhere? It's not rocket science. How the hell do you expect me to advise you on getting a job when I have no idea what your field is (nor do I care)? I currently hate my job (which is NOT a career counselor), so I'm sorry I can't help you.

And No. Life in Manhattan is not like it is portrayed on Sex and the City, The Sopranos, Law and Order or [fill in with your own asinine TV show]. That's like saying the entire South is like the Beverly Hill Billies or New Orleanians really talk the way they portray them on TV. The streets are not over run with body chalk, Tony Soprano will not be your neighbor (and for that matter, he lives in JERSEY. Don't get me started on that place) you will not see [insert some celebrity here] (and even if you did, most of us don't pay enough attention to others to care) and you are definitely not going to see someone running down the street in Manolos. Shut up. You're just being dumb and making me realize why I'm glad I don't live there anymore. Ignorant Southerner. Oh. You don't like it when people say that or assume that? Then quit fucking acting like it.

I'm in a really bad mood, if you couldn't tell.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

I am ridiculous.

ridiculous, I tell you!
I haven't FB stalked in so long, I forgot how! And it's all Freddie's fault (that I am doing it, not that I'm lacking at it, even he's disappointed in my rusty skills) How do you stalk someone when all you have is a first name, a city and a place of business? This is terrible. I am so embarrassed 1. that I'm actually doing it (I will blame boredom) and 2. that I used to be able to find out much more about a person with less information back in the day.

For future reference, please do not encourage my recockulousness.

Good news!

I am not the devil.

(contrary to popular belief)

Monday, November 24, 2008

What's your definition of fun?

This is most certainly not mine:

A bruised thigh.
A sore knee.
A walk of shame.
A broken door.
A bed full of pizza.
A hungover trip to the laundromat.
An overflown toilet.

I don't think I can handle anymore holiday fun, people.

Friday, November 21, 2008

If you like it, then you should have put a ring on it.

Nearly pist myself and I cannot seem to stop pressing the replay button.
Justin Timberlake in a leotard? priceless.

I'm so slow sometimes

Britney Spears, no matter what you do, you always seem to weasel your way into my heart.
I just discovered this song on her Blackout album. Yes, I am aware this came out last year. And to think there was a time when I drove an hour to Alexandria, LA to buy Britney on the day it came out because the sorry excuse for a music store in my college town didn't have it.

Maybe in another year or two I will discover the amazingness on Circus. Anyone heard it yet?Recommendations?

EDIT: Even if you aren't a Gossip Girl fan, this is hot (and of course way outdated if you are a fan) and it turned me on to her new song. I cannot look at Chuck Bass the same and I think because of this video, he owns a small part of my heart

Thursday, November 20, 2008

And so it begins.

Today is the first official day of the holiday season. My roommie flew home for her 2 week Thanksgiving Extravaganza and tomorrow I will have visitors for a week. Thanksgiving will be here before I know it. Since I hear you aren't truly an adult until you cook a Turkey for Thanksgiving, that's what we are going to do at Apt. 3B and after dinner, we are going to watch Christmas movies- starting with Love Actually. I feel like if I blink it's going to be Jan.5 and all the excitement is going to have flown by. I'm not ready!

Can you keep a secret? I'm reallyyyy excited about the holidays this year. I know it's hard to believe with what a Grinch I was last year, but it wasn't my fault! I wasn't going home for Christmas for the first time ever and it made me sad. the only way to get through it was to boycott the entire season. But this year? It is so on. I still do not wish for snow (sorry. You won't have to trudge through it like I will) and I adamantly refuse to go ice skating (again, I am deathly afraid of falling) but I will be looking forward to the decoration and the spirit in puts everyone in. I even downloaded 50 Christmas songs and put them in a playlist (appropriately named SMILINGS MY FAVORITE- 10 points to whoever gets that reference). It's just itching to get put onto my ipod but I am trying to hold out until December.

What's your favorite Christmas song?
This is mine (For those without video access, it's Carol of the Bells The Trans Siberian Orchestra and Metallica version). Enjoy!

I don't want to talk about it.

For the first time in my life, I don't want to talk about it.
I've never been that person. I always want to talk the drama circling around me (because to be honest, I don't really ever have drama, it's just usually in my orbit) into the ground trying to figure out a solution. I always want to tell everyone I know everything.
But not right now.
I don't want to talk about it and I sure as fuck don't want to think about it.

You should really ignore this part, it has nothing to do with what I'm talking about above. . .
But what I do want to talk about is me. If you aren't familiar with my over-sized ego, let's start with I am the most amazing person you will ever meet. There is no one as fabulous as I am and that's just a fact of life. I'm smart, beautiful, open-minded, eccentric, goofy, adventurous, loyal, responsible, witty, etc. . . the list could go on forever (but you know this already. You were the only who spent all those years trying to convince me of it. Yea, sometimes I get a little carried away, but it's true nonetheless and I finally learned that). Not many people get to see this, though. I don't like those secrets to get out too often or everyone and their grandma would want to be my friend and I don't have time for that. So, I usually like to disguise myself as a bitch- which totally works for me. But I digress.

The point is: I am irreplaceable. Once you meet and fall in love with me, no one will ever be able to fill my place in your heart. And once I fall in love with you? I can guarantee no one will ever treat you as well as I do. As high maintenance as I am, I return the favor of putting up with me threefold (but you know this already). Unfortunately, if you fuck it up forcing me to cut you out of my life, you will spend the rest of your days trying to figure out why you feel so empty. You will spend endless amounts of time trying to figure out why and trying to fill the void. That's the reason why every single one of my ex-boyfriends sing my praises and will always regret not being with me (oh wow. I went a little overboard there, but let's just go with it for the moment). In short, You cannot replace me. (For the record, she is turning you into some thing I can't even recognize as the man I love- which makes it a little easier to accept you are not in my life) But keep trying, sport. After the heart slicing pain, it's quite entertaining for me.

see how brave I am? I can't even call you and tell you all this because I'm still heartbroken. If you cared about our friendship half as much as you care about a damn Coach wallet I got you, maybe we wouldn't be in this place.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Bloody Hell.

I'm damn sick of nose bleeds. I've had 3 since it started getting cold. Damn you and your dry northern air. This is shittastic.

Another option

Maybe I can be a pirate after all.

Only if Captain Jack Sparrow is steering the ship and only if they have an unlimited supply of Dramamine.

Dream a little dream.

One of my shelves collapsed after I put a box of my summer dresses on it. Honestly, I don't blame it, there were like 30 dresses in that box and it was heavy. So, in the process of cleaning my room, I made a bigger mess and it annoyed me enough to quit. Unfortunately, I can't leave it because I have guests coming on Friday.

To go along with this, last night I had a dream all of my shelves fell along with my clothing rod in my closet. I'm sure yall will say it was just my subconscious going over the previous days events, which you'll probably be right.

But I am interpreting that dream in a different way. I think it's the universe's way of telling me my life is falling apart. Even things (i.e. relationships) I thought were strong and sturdy (the rod in my closet) will eventually collapse. In the dream I said "Fuck it, I don't feel like dealing with it right now" and then it switched over to another sequence I don't quite remember as vividly.

Funny, that's exactly what's going on in my life right now. Deciding I am not in the mood to address the issue is also what I'm doing about the situation. My mind already shuts down and assumes the fetal position when I try to go back to that place. Is 4 years too much to ask for happiness? I'm not in a good place to have the floor fall out from under me. Please make it stop.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Another musical confession.

Michael Bolton rocks my socks.
How can we be lovers if we can't be friends?
That's deep, man.

Oh! And Barry Manilow. Can't smile without you? hello!

Freddie, you have no idea what you are in for when you agreed to this road trip to Biloxi. I know you refuse to let me drive, but that's ok. I called shotgun on the radio three months ago, plus playing passenger makes it easier to jam out and embarrass the hell out of you.

No Edward Cullen for me.

Apparently The Twilight premiere happened yesterday and Robert Patterson still looks like he hasn't washed his hair since he signed on to the role of Edward Cullen. nice. Kinda gross, but sadly still hot.

Seems like everyone under the sun is going to get to see this movie before me and it makes me sad. No one is willing to go to the midnight showing on Thursday (which to be honest, I don't think I could handle being up that late with work in the morning either. Don't judge) and I have visitors on Friday for a week. I doubt very much apart of their vacation to New York will they be willing to go see a tween flick about vampires and a book that they've never read. It would be like asking me to go see Harry Potter.

So NGBF and I have a date on Black Friday after work to go see it. If anyone ruins it for me, there will be blood (Not that you could really. I read the damn book twice so far).

Monday, November 17, 2008

Adapting to Normalcy.

Every time I leave the city, I feel like an inmate who just broke out of jail. Things a normal person sees daily is suddenly a novelty. Oh my god, a STRIP MALL. Oh my god, a DRIVE THRU!! Oh my god, CARPET! (Walking into someone’s One Bedroom Apartment and being able to fit 25 people comfortably was a big one this weekend in DC. Having a one bedroom so large, you don’t know what to do with all the space- unthinkable! In the NYC) You get the idea, things you don’t see on a daily basis in New York. The people you are visiting are probably going to look at you like you’re nuts (my first time out, my friend wanted to call my parents to make me move home), but they just don’t understand how different living in the city actually is. It’s unlike any other city in the country. It usually takes me a good day to adjust to the normal way of life. If my time in New York does nothing else, it will have at least taught me to appreciate the little things.

After the first couple of jailbreaks, I thought I would get over it. But apparently it’s not something you get over. Wanting to drive thru every fast food restaurant in your path from the bar back to the apartment is not normal (well, if you’re drunk maybe). Wanting to buy perishable foods in a SUPERMARKET because they don’t sell velvetta at the bodega on your block is not normal. Wanting to lie on the floor in the hall of an apartment complex because it is carpeted is definitely not a normal thing- and actually doing it? Even worse (I’m not admitting to anything, but if you’re my friend on FB, you know better).

Seriously, people (especially New Yorkers), it is imperative you get out of your normal surroundings at least once a month. It’s detrimental to being able to adapt to other surroundings- surroundings that happen to be normal to the rest of the American population. I have a very good feeling those that don’t are the stereotypical New Yorkers and now I understand why they are that way.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

It's ON.

I'm about to get drunk for $20.
That's what I'm talkin about.
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A realization

I have come to the conclusion after lying to myself for 26 years, I am high maintenance.

And I'm ok with that.
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Thursday, November 13, 2008

Love. It is a razor that leaves your soul to bleed

Stop the bleeding.
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Good one, John Carney.

This is quite funny. You must check it out. It is a Guide to (holiday) Romance and explains soooo much. I think the reason I think it's funny is I fit into way too many of the categories than I'd like to admit. But it could be worse; at least my name is not Kristen Dunst or Julia Allison.

This one had me laughing out loud:

29. Avoid any girl who has done speed dating, or j-date. She's
got commitment issues, and since you're an emotionally unavailable alcoholic,
neither of you will ever call each other.

Touche, my friend.

Her name was lola.

So, funny story.

Well, it is to me and I thought I would share.

My all time favorite summer in college was the summer I lived on Magnolia Street with one of my sorority sister and her cousin. It was a classic story of the country mouse (her) and the city mouse (me). She taught me how to balance while trying to drunkenly pee outside and all the words to The Devil went down to Georgia and I taught her how to put eyeliner on- j/k. I don’t know what I taught her. Anyway, I’d give anything to go back to that summer.

Another one of her cousins who lived in Baton Rouge would visit a lot. His music selection is to die for. It’s amazing but at the time I couldn’t appreciate it because all we were listening to was the music they played in the bars. So, part of our nightly tradition of drinking and playing board games (mostly Cranium and sometimes Trivial Pursuit if we were feeling like a marathon, but we’d never get through it. Everyone would get too drunk and no one knew the answers sober, much less drunk, so we’d get bored) we’d put on one of his CDs with the obscure music on it and usually he was the only one jamming because most of it we had never heard of. During one of the party playlists, Copa Cabana came on and in our drunken stupor, we found this quite amusing for some reason.

One weekend my sorority sister was out of town with a few of my other sisters and I was left to my own devices, which always included alcohol. This particular night, I wanted pancakes and it just so happened I would only eat pancakes if she made them (She makes them perfect- not doughy at all. I hate doughy pancakes and runny eggs. Nothing grosses me out more). I can’t cook and even if I tried, I didn’t want to burn down the house in the process. I was drunk and in need of sustenance, so I figured calling her at 3am to tell her to drive 4 hours and come make me pancakes was a good plan. Unfortunately, she was passed out already but another sister answered her phone and I told her to give her a message. Tell her "Her name was Lola". Of course, she didn’t get it but the next morning she passed it along and had no idea why it invoked hysterical laughter.

And that was it. To this day, when we get drunk (and think about it) we will text each other the lyrics. We never get passed "She would merengue and do the cha-cha" but that’s ok. It’s our thing. God, I miss her.

I just heard it on my ipod and texted her. I hope she doesn’t think I’m drunk at 8am, but then again there is no telling ;-P

I have a feeling I told yall this story already? Oh, well.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

This is not the zoo

It is not polite to stare at people in the subway. Being that it is The Big Apple, it's probably guaranteed to get you a dirty look or even cursed out. It is unacceptable, tacky and makes these people uncomfortable and the subway already establishes this all by itself. There are no exceptions, unless you know that person.

Even if you happen to spot the rare species of a TALL HOT GUY (in a suit no less! Amazing). This phenomenon is already a rare encounter, there is no need to stare at him intensely and scare him back to Connecticut or where ever they breed tall hot men. It is definitely not ok to ask him to marry you. Trust me on this one.

My train happened to have not one, but TWO of these so it was easier for me to stare between the two, close my mouth and wipe the drool without getting caught.

My day has been made and that is all.

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Tuesday, November 11, 2008


Betsey Johnson outside my building.
And of course, I mistook her as a hobo. Love ya!
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Monday, November 10, 2008

My new coat!

This came in the mail for me today at work- a few short hours after a company wide email was sent out by HR reminding employees NOT to have personal mail sent to the office. suckers. Just one more way I'm sticking it to the man because those bastards still have my internet blocked. 
Anywoo. This made my day that much more sufferable and I skipped around the office in it along with the really cute heels. The census on my coat seems to be a cross between a.) a 3rd grader on a field trip to The Smithsonian circa 1962 and b.) Veruca Salt (the namesake of the band, people. From the movie- don't make me name it). I'm pretty sure the tights helped in coming up with this one, too. oh! and I forgot c.) an upside down flower. I'm pretty content with all of this because I don't care. This jacket is that awesome. 

This weekend, I am going to make a special trip to the Smithsonian and take a picture in front of it in my fabulous new coat- flicking my coworkers off. 

and as a sidenote, I like the word shameless. 
that is all. 

I like my coffee black; like my metal.

(Shut me up- MSI)
No matter what, the day after I download new music and put it on my ipod is always a good day. New music will generally lift my spirits, even on a Monday. Which is exactly what happened this morning.

Have I mentioned I hate my job? I know I shouldn't be bitching about my job, especially right now- at least I still have one. It's just so disheartening that a company with such prestige is being ruined by a few people that have no clue what they are doing. It sort of feels like when I first saw Mickey without his head on when I was working in Disneyworld. It was so disturbing and I lost little of the magic- no pun intended (a little hint to my current employer. lol) It's getting harder and harder to bide my time, that's all I can say.

Another plus for today, I finally wore my new shoes to work. Well, technically, I carried them to work and put them on here. Baby steps, people. I haven't worn heels in over a year and it scares the hell out of me. I have just come to the realization I am deathly afraid of falling (in every sense of the word actually now that I think about it. hmmm). Wearing heels and walking on the uneven broken sidewalks is just asking to have face contact with the concrete. I am far from the professional stiletto walker that I was when I was 19. Plus I have gotten accustom to walking with long and fast strides which trying to concentrate on walking in heels inhibits this. But I'm going to do it, even if it takes me another year, I will master this.

And I just realized I'm going to DC this weekend. Totally forgot about it, but I'm glad. I need out of the city at least once a month to maintain the small amount sanity I still possess and I need a break from my self inflicted bed ridden weekend jail sentences. And figuring out how to pack 2 days worth of stuff into a backpack should keep me mystified for the rest of the week.

Just realized there is a hole in the crotch of my Betsy Johnson tights. This is going to be interesting on how I get it not to run because there is no way I'm running around this city in 50 degree weather with bare legs.
Goodness Gracious. I'm a mess. Happy effing Monday.

H8 is wrong.

Friday, November 7, 2008


A New Orleans sized cockroach in the subway of New York.
I think I just lost 10 years off my life. Those things scare me worse than the New York City rats- mainly because those fuckers fly.
I need a shower.
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Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Tis official. I am reallyyyy tired.

Why else would I break out into Christmas Carols with no provocation whatsoever?
I am NOT that girl. The extent of Christmas songs for me is Nelly's "Air Force Ones" (cause he wants 2 pairs? It's a family joke. A few years ago that song mysteriously ended up on one of my sister's Christmas mixed CDs. That was her explanation and we have yet to let her live it down). But low and behold, I was even remembering the songs we made up (i.e. "Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg. . . ") and plus it's NOVEMBER 5th!

I'm going back to the snack machine.


I am way tired.
I really wanna snuggle. When I finally crawled into bed last night, I cant even express to you how euphoric it was (well, in the few moments before I crashed. I think I was comatose as soon as my head hit the pillow). Just thinking of that amazing feeling is killing me. ugh. Anyone else feel the need to eat more when they are thoroughly exhausted? I think it has something to do with keeping me busy/ moving so I don't fall asleep.

Luckily I am posting this in the afternoon. This morning I was a force not to be reckoned with and it all started out with a few text messages, an email or two and a lot of angry facebook/ myspace status updates. I was thoroughly embarrassed to know people that would say or pass along the hateful things I was receiving. It's a wonder I didn't delete every Republican "friend" I had. Then I stopped and realized that is the beauty of diversity/ living in a democracy and at the moment they just happen to be sore losers- and I get that. My guy lost the previous times I have voted and I understand the frustrations they are going through right now. I also know that this is just the initial shock and eventually it will wear off and then I can say Your are very much Welcome for believing now. Eh. And if they never do come around, then I wish them luck in Canada like they are continuing to threaten (Not that there is any fault in that. I will totally be moving with yall, too. But did you ever stop for a moment and realize Canadians are a lot more liberal than we are- which is exactly what you'd be running from, right? Not solely the president elect's race? Because if that is so, then you might as well delete me from your life right now. I shall disregard your existence anyway.)

My favorite part so far is the insistence of not being boastful and to have more tact in the feelings for those McCain supporters. This was the same person who 8 years ago made sure I was highly aware of who won presidency (In case you are wondering, it wasn't Gore- well. . you know what I mean). No, I haven't thrown anything back and I have been taking in all of the emails/ texts without response because I'm afraid of what I might tell them if I do decide to respond. Ok. Enough talk about that because now I'm all worked up and it's getting harder and harder to be the bigger person in this situation.

So, I will end with I hope that the first dog is a Yorkie ;-)

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

So I lied

I'm currently in the middle of Time Square watching as the results come in. I'm a little overwhelmed and a lot excited to be here for a groundbreaking election. I'm not sure if its going to be a good thing or a bad thing when Obama wins :)
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Dear URL Filter: I HATE YOU

Dear IT Department,
I'm getting really annoyed. This is day two in which I do not have full Internet access.
If you think you are getting a drop of extra productivity from me, you are going to be sorrily mistaken. Your company barely pays me enough to do the work I actually do (and don't blame it on "there is no money in fashion"; you are a multi-billion dollar corporation that should be ashamed of yourself for not giving full time employees sick days or vacation. How anyone enjoys that factor is beyond me) and I won't be doing much more because you decided to go all noble and restrict my favorite sites. I would rather sit and stare at the computer monitor. Which I will do, right after AIM-ing every co-worker to inform them that I am bored.
Get your shit together. I am not in a mood to be messed with. ever.


Election Day.

Woke up this morning a whole extra hour early to the tunes of Bon Jovi. "Living on a Prayer" was Apt. 3B's getting pumped to go vote song. We traveled to the polling place and voted to for the man who we believed would be a better choice to lead our country for the next four years (that would be Obama, of course. God how I love living in a blue state and the people actually knowing what it means instead of being ignorant. YaY! To be honest I wasn't convinced one way or another for either of the candidates. I'm a Hilary girl through and through. But the possibility of Sarah Palin running my country when McCain dies of old age scares the living shit out of me). New York State law allows you to take up to 2 paid hours off of work to vote if you do not have a consecutive 4 hours off that the polling places are open. Guess who went back to sleep for an extra hour because of this fabulous law? ;-)
But that is enough political talk. I haven't had a stomach for it for awhile.

Will I be glued to CNN when I get home tonight like the majority of America? Nope. But I would appreciate someone texting me when the winner is announced. I have enough anxiety to deal with. Worrying about something I have no control over after I have casted my vote does not rank high on my priority list.

Monday, November 3, 2008

A Treasure Map to my future appeared in my email

So, if I haven't mentioned, I have the bestest friends in the entire world in general.
In particular, I have this one friend who is in my life for a reason and that is to always remind me of how fabulous I am- because if I wasn't fabulous I have no idea how she would ever want to be friends with me. She is amazing in every sense of the word and I feel blessed everyday to have met her, let alone have her as a best friend. 

Today was a bad day in  my little bubble. Same old shit, really- What am I doing with my life?, What should I be doing with my life- you know the drill. So, I called my Fab Friend hoping for a funny story to cheer me up seeing as she is a master at story telling and makes me pee my pants on a regular basis. Unfortunately, she happens to know me a little too well and as I was venting my frustrations about my standstill craptastic  life (she is getting her Masters in Psychology- I must get in as much free therapy as possible before she starts charging me!), I mentioned I needed a treasure map, a wild goose chase- anything besides what I'm doing right now to figure it all out. 
And  look what I found in my email:
I'm a little concerned about the first two steps, but I can't wait to do the rest. And for the record, I know I don't have a craptastic life. Not with friends like this; which makes being so far from them that much harder.