Sunday, September 30, 2007

No Standing.

More fun outings for Erin and I in the big bad city. This time, we went to downtown Brooklyn. The subway attendant told me, in his Brooklyn accent, he hates when people ask for directions (which isnt that your job?!) especially because today is Sunday but nonetheless, he pointed us in the direction of downtown Brooklyn. Which was quite handy (If you need to know, its the Atlantic/Pacific stop on the N). Today was the Atlantic Attic, which is a street fair that happens once a year. yippee for me. I hate crowds and I hate fairs.
Then we took a side street in order to smoke (is it just me or do I feel like a felon for smoking in this city?) and I decided to be a dumbass and ask the cops in their lil NYPD van what the hell "No Standing" means (see picture).

I really thought I was going to get arrest for standing on the corner, smoking my cigarette (also, is it just me, or does standing on the corner seem dirty to you?). They looked at me like I was the little naive tourista that I am and laughed (which is a lot better than the response I got from the cop in Time Square about trying to find a map- picture Christina Yang as a cop). Apparently cars can "stand" when someone is like waiting? And those signs are there telling drivers they can't. YaY! For learning something new at the expense of my intelligence, especially because these two cops were hot. Like, Im talking hotter than the French cops in Paris. WITH a brooklyn accent. It's a shame I'm such retard because I should have gotten their numbers and I should be partying with them tonight, but instead Erin and I are going to venture somewhere to find even hotter guys to buy us drinks.

Which leads me to another thing. What is up with these northerners? Every time I talk to one of them, they don't seem interested in anything I'm saying. I know that northerners are not as nice as southerners and all that. . . but I guess I just figured that only extended to not saying "How's ya mom-n-em" to your neighbors (who btw do not speak english and I don't even want to know how you say that in spanish). The cops looked bored to the point of almost annoyed with answers in my question (which I did in my very cute Abby voice, btw, which, btw is a shoe-in for getting my way! dammit.) I don't know. Maybe they were tired of answering dumb questions, but I asked mine with flare!

oh well. Day 2 almost down. I'm still alive and Im sucking it up.

We're here!

I live in a tuna can with a leaky toilet and no oven.
To live in my neighborhood, I will need to learn Spanish. dammit.
My ass is going to look amazing by Christmas. We live downhill.
I went to dinner in Time Square last night and spent way too much money on a hamburger.
I went to the police station and asked for a subway map (you can just imagine the look the officer gave me.)
The Subways will not best me.
home sweet home.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

TV Guide (me)

I am really bad at keeping people up-to-date on my life.
We found an apartment in Brooklyn. Everything is back on track. Except packing hasn't changed. . .it's still a bitch. Today is pack the actual suitcases day. (I've just been putting everything I won't be needing for the next 4 months into boxes to be stored) I got a brand new Pierre Cardin luggage set and Im really excited, but not excited about parting ways with clothes and shoes. You should know I don't like to play favorites.

So Im having this huge issue with The Fall Line-up of Television. There is too much I want to see and not enough time in the day to have a life. This is going to suck.
Ok. So we've go, so far:

LA Ink
Private Practice
Grey's Anatomy
Side Order of Life
Dirty Sexy Money
Big Shots
Gossip Girl (I read the books and they were fabulous)

So. I have a choice. Stay home every night and watch imaginary life happen or actually live life.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

for rent?

So, about 6 hours ago I was informed our apartment sublet fell through. Something about bedbugs infesting the entire apartment building and it not being livable for another month.
I have spent the past 6 or so hours looking for a new apartment.
Fun Times.
Yea. And this time next week, Im supposed to be IN New York.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

9 days.

Freaking-out-mode is slowly creeping upon us, people. It wants out. I can feel it every now and then poking its head out, looking around and asking “Is it time yet?” and there is only so many times I can push it back into the subconscious. only. so. many. times.

Florida wasn’t this bad. When my mom started crying at the airport, I did a little and then a little more on the plane and that was it. But this time, I have 9 days til the plane and Im about the lose it.

I feel like I’ve been sleeping. Just going through the motions of life and in 9 days my life is going to kick start and I am no longer going to be able to “sleep” (slack, half-ass it) through life. I feel like Im about to reach the bottom of the rabbit hole and life is just going to go from 0 to 60 and I wont be able to stop it. Stop it? Who wants to be able to stop life? (not stop-stop, but just slow down) That’s crazy!! I’m about to live the dream! I am doing something 90% of people don’t have the guts to do (actually LIVE life!). I am blessed to be strong enough mentally (ha!), emotionally and financially to do this! I am going after what I want which the what Abby is all about. But there is something different about this time. This time its for real. I feel it in the bottom of my stomach. I am going to be a changed woman that will surpass this one in every way, shape and form possible. And that is the scariest thing. ever.

So. It’s coming. Im just giving warning.

edo-yo-cate yo-self, fool

In honor of this day, I am in my black- are you?
Did you even know about this? shame on you.

Due to many reasons, I cannot be in Jena today but my heart is. Hopefully this protest remains peaceful and no one is further harmed in the rest of the world's attempt to bring enlightenment to these pathetic excuses for humans.

Reason # 865860548 I am not a Southerner (and yet AGAIN embarrassed by my Home State).

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

New Orleans Photography

I sit here bored out of my skull with the only relief being my trusty ipod (Thanx again Freddie!)- yes. I am manning the front desk. I am holding down the fort from evil doers and dumb phone calls. And I totally have to pee but I am not allowed to leave this chair.

I have decided sometime this weekend Im going to play in The Quarter. I want to go around and take pictures of the city before I go. I have this really cute idea on how I want to decorate my apartment in New York and I want it to be New Orleans themed- well subtly. No purple, green and gold, please. Only natives think those colors go together. And definitely no black and gold and HELL NO to purple and gold. So anyway.

I think I need to get organized on what I want to take pictures of. I mainly want to do bars but other landmarks would be fine- but landmarks that mean something to locals and me. This is what I have so far:

F&Ms (of course)
Dos Jefes
The BullDog
One of the Graveyards
The Streetcar

French market
Cafe DuMonde
Cat's Meow
A few of the famous restaurants

There are a lot of other places, too. I need to make a list so I don't forget but I cant think right now. I have to pee too bad. Any suggestions??

Things I also need to do before I leave:
- Go on a haunted tour of the city ( I totally want to be an obnoxious tourist for a day!)
- Go to Metro 3 on Magazine and get a "tchoupitoulas" shirt.
-There was one more thing, but I HAVE TO PEE!!

words of advice

Do not call a law firm and tell them your life story hoping from your 5 minute ramble they will be able to find some sort of lawsuit for you to pursue. Especially, if you don’t even know what type of case you have or much less the type of law the firm you have called practices. Because I am going to tell you “Sorry! Im just the receptionist! Let me connect you to our office manager’s voicemail”. And when you don’t get called back, then you’ll know why!

Because you’re an idiot!

I just got accosted via telephone by someone who wouldn't shut up long enough for me to tell her we didn't even practice the type of law she needed, so I let her talk and continued a conversation through im until she had a pause- which was a good 5 minutes. Why in the world would she assume the person who answers the phone has a law degree? Even then! We aren't even a plaintiff firm! All I got from her rant was "taking money out of my check", "10 dependants", "sexual harassment", "fired" and "H&R Block".

Monday, September 17, 2007

Brain sputtering.

I am quite sad that I do not have anything to look forward to watching on Monday nights anymore. Sad day. The only show I have right now is LA Ink until the Fall line-up starts, but who even knows if I will be watching that- there will be too many exciting things to do in New York!

And I had an amazing going away party Saturday. I wont go into too much detail because I hate blogging about events. Plus, if you weren’t there, shame on you- you don’t deserve the details anyway. I had a mini-panic attack on Saturday day and I suppressed it. . . so it should be coming full-blown soon to run its course.

I am smitten with my new ipod nano (“LiL ReD”) and my shuffle (“The Green Monster”) which I feel very uncreative for those names but I will come up with better ones- Im liking JollyGreenGiant and LittleGreenMan or desi(red) and inspi(red).

And at the moment I am feeling extremely sorry for women who feel the need to get back together with men who blatantly and repeatedly cheat on them. Seriously, hunnie pies, what kind of self-respect do you have? People like you make me sad.

That’s about all I have at the moment. . .give me a while to get my brain back into the groove.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

iPhone iWould pay for!

From Marie Claire magazine. Now THIS is something I would pay $500 for!

Introducing the shePhone

We asked founder Mia Kim to help us create our ideal all-in-one gizmo. Move over, iPhone.

Features include:
1. Mini "Rabbit" vibrator
2. Perfume/Mace atomizer (just be sure to pick the right setting!)
3. Xanax dispenser (also works for other meds)
4. Dental floss
5. Corkscrew (for when the pills run out)
6. Home pregnancy test
7. Condom dispenser

From the interface:
Portable tanning laser
Cell-phone signal jammer (silence others in mid-call!)
Voice analyzer (is your BF where he says he is?)
GPS Universal remote (override other remotes)
Phone, Wi-Fi Web, MP3 player, and, finally, TiVo (record 24 when you're stuck at a client dinner)

Friday, September 14, 2007



Do not waste your money. seriously. spend it in the casino. It was a waste of an hour and a half that I cannot get back with a Tina Turner and David Bowie impersonation that I could have gone the rest of my life without. It was a terrible combination of Cirque and Drag Night at the Oz. The two “magicians” reminded me of Ozzie and Sharon Osborne- 20 years ago but with the same amount of brain cells missing now. The “dancers” looked like cheap hookers- one dancer had rips in her fishnets but if she was wearing real underwear (not thong) we would have never known (aw! your daughter must make you SO proud!) and at one point, I thought I was watching porn.
And the kicker: the “magic” portion of the show left nothing to the imagination. I now know how all magic tricks are preformed and that’s depressing (if you want to know too go sit on the far left hand side of the stage) kinda like seeing Mickey Mouse with his head off (ooops. did I say that?)

The only semi-entertaining part: Watching Blane Kern (yes, the Mardi Gras King) make as ass out of himself on stage dancing to Proud Mary with “Tina”.

Now I realize why there is a bar in the theater and cocktail waitresses will serve you throughout the show: YOU WILL NEED IT.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

My "two" weeks notice.

I am shocked, amused and in awe as so how smooth giving my 2 weeks notice was. The OM was so excited for me and so supportive! I am seriously going to miss working here, even though it hasn't been that longer. She even wrote the nicest email to everyone in the firm letting them know about my situation. (see below). And everyone has come to talked to me about it. They're all so excited and happy for me. Its amazing!!

I feel like 1,000 pounds has been lifted from my shoulders.

This is the email:

I am sorry to say that [NQ] has decided to move to New York and her last day with us will be Friday, September 21st. We had big plans for [NQ] here. She was going to be an overflow secretary for the firm and fill in when help was needed. All of the secretaries were so excited that we were going to have an extra set of hands to help. [NQ] is very sad about leaving us, but when an opportunity comes to seek a dream you must take it. We wish [NQ] the very best in New York!

We are still going to have an overflow secretary, because we need the help. If anyone knows of a secretary who would be interested in working with us, please let me know.

So, if anyone is looking to make a change, this firm is amazing in every way!

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

17 days and counting!

No. I have not given my two-weeks notice. Why, you ask? Because the office manager is in the hospital, which she has been for the past two days. Just my luck! I'm getting antsy about telling them. At this point, I no longer care if they tell me to just leave (which I'm hoping they do not) because I'm really sick of this. Of course we all knew I was over working in the law field about a year ago but now, with the moving date being a little over 2 weeks away, I don’t care. All I want to do is start packing.

It was strange. Last night, Fred and I went to Grits to drop off money for the keg for the party this weekend (yes, there will be a keg. You. should. be. there!) and I told him, this time next month I will be sitting in a bar in New York somewhere. WoW- that’s a powerful thought. . . which also got me thinking. Everyone keeps asking “How long are you going to be there?” Well. hello, genius. I'm having a GOING AWAY PARTY, not an I'm-visiting-a-new-city party. I don’t have any plans to move back to the south. In my heart, I don’t think I'm coming back. Don’t you people know anything about me? Once I set my mind to something, I do it. And at the moment, my mind is set to grow old as a cranky New Yorker, only coming back to New Orleans to visit.

There is so much to do, just thinking about it gives me a mini-panic attack. I need next week to be over so I can start organizing. Plus, I'm tired. I'm tired of everyday resembling the last and wasting away my life until I'm too old and I look back with regret. Its time for a change.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Ohh! Shiny Things. They get me everytime.

Dear Mr. Jobs-
I salute you for your ingenious mind and everything that it dreams up. I am officially addicted to my ipod and I am having a hard decision on whether to buy a pink shuffle or orange. But as a faithful ipod believer, I must say: STOP THE INSANITY. My puny little mind, that has been programmed from birth to "need" every useless piece of crap you people market oh-so-pretty in shiny packaging, cannot handle this. I WANT the new ipod nano (red preferably)! You are an evil evil man. I think you might be in the running with my boss for Satan. I just might self destruct on figuring out a logical reason for buying it in a few months when I haven't even uploaded songs on to my brand new one. Not only have you made me upset, but you have also made my white ipod video an antique (which better get me more money on eBay for it!) Please don't do this to me. I can't take it.


PS- if you keep doing these evil things to me, I will be forced to chain myself to your office in futile attempts to change society.

If you would like to know the method to this madness, please check this out.

Want more? Please see here.